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jodi322 Offline
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My Friend and Her Stepdad - May 7th 2012, 08:39 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.


Moving on, two of my friends from school have been dating for a while now. The guy's parents know all about their relationship but the girl's parents do not because they do not want her so much as hugging anyone not a family member. It has gotten to the point where whenever the boyfriend so much as gives her a sideways shoulder hug and the daughter's stepfather sees it, he runs out and calls the daughter a "slut," a "whore," and other names and says that she is going to get pregnant and that they will disown her. Now, I just want to say that they are a VERY innocent couple and have both vowed to stay virgins until they are married (hence, there is no way she would get preganant from said boyfriend).

Also knowing several other details such as how the stepfather treats the daughter, how he looks at her, etc., myself and several others have started suspecting that he harbors "unnatural" feelings towards his stepdaughter. We think he abuses his wife as well because of some other incidents.

My friend has not told us that anything has happened, but she appears to show many of the signs of someone who is sexually abused (I have seriously looked into this) but she refuses to tell anyone anything. We, her friends and family, all fear for her and her mother and eight year old sister but realize that there is very little that we can do if she herself refuses to relay anything. We also know that if anything is going on, then she could gat pregnant, have health issues, etc. What should we do? Are we only needlessly worrying? We are very scared for them if this is true!

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Re: My Friend and Her Stepdad - May 7th 2012, 12:13 PM

Hi there, this is a very tough situation to be in honestly. Not only for your friend but for you and the others who care about her. She may or may not be being sexually abused, but like you said, it can be definitive until she is the one to say something about it. With what you've said it is very possible, but sadly we really can't say one way or another unless she is the one saying what is going on. All that you can really do is be there for her, and try to help her but don't keep pushing it, or she may try to hide it even more assuming she's hiding anything at all. Just be there if and when she ever needs support or a shoulder to cry on, maybe bring it up once again, but wait a bit between when you bring it up, because if you just keep bringing it up, it may do more harm then help. Be gentle, be subtle, and only bring it up every so often if you feel the need to. You may be able to talk to a teacher or school counselor, but they may not be willing to do anything without solid proof, but possibly if you brought it up to like a school counselor they may look for the signs and bring it up to her, but even then, if she is being sexually abused, there's a chance she would lie to them about it too. You just have to be there for her, whether it's about this or not, be as best a friend as you can be, and that's all you really can do.

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Re: My Friend and Her Stepdad - May 11th 2012, 02:20 PM

well then, not easy... but it is up to her to say anything. I'm not sure how much deeper you can go into this, but just be there for her, and make her feel as comfotable about anything and everything with you and her other friends. If she will tell anyone though, it may just be her boyfriend. Talk to him about your ideas, and see what he says. (if you havent already) She may very well be in danger... but you can't do anything on just thoughts that she is. Don't pressure her, but maybe someday she'll come out about it. I hope she does if so... but there's not much you can really do. Regardless, I hope all will be well!

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