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Despair.. Offline
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Wants me to seriously forgive him? - May 22nd 2012, 02:57 AM

My therapist has talked to me about my "fathers actions", she said for me to forgive him. That he will not change ever. I don't know how I can possibly forgive him if I still have to go home to him everyday. I want to tell her so badly that he *abuses* me, but i've just been bullied and told down by my dad so much that im worried she'll say something like " Non sense" or just simply won't believe me. I've had a ton of people in my life say that I should tell her, im just worried. I think she may be catching on to all the hints and me trying to tell her in different words, but I just dont know... She wants me to forgive him, but I just cant. I am the most self conscious person, and he's ruined most of my child hood. How could I possible forgive that?

the girl who always seemed unbreakble finally
the girl who seemed strong
the girl who always laughed
the girl who never stopped trying finally

she let her fake smile fade and as she did a tear rolled down her cheek and she whispered

' i can't do this anymore'
  Send a message via Skype™ to Despair.. 
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Dervisher Offline
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Re: Wants me to seriously forgive him? - May 22nd 2012, 09:19 AM

I think she's trying to get you to 'forgive' him (I don't believe anyone who's a victim ever does) to move on. So in a way 'forgiving' is trying your best to forget. It will take time but you can focus on other things of your life and that will help make it easier.

I think you should tell the therapist if there is anything contradicting what she thinks your current situation is, because that may completely change her approach on how to help you. The worst thing you can do for yourself is keep information like that from her because it will only lead to the Therapist having a harder time helping you.

Imagine if you just sat there during the session and said nothing. Obviously things wouldn't develop very much would they
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Re: Wants me to seriously forgive him? - May 22nd 2012, 09:27 AM

I think, as hard as it may be, you should be honest with her. She isn't going to assume what you're saying is nonsense because she is there to help you and if she knew what was going on between you and your dad, she might be able to offer help and suggest something different for you to try.

If she's suggesting that you forgive him, as said above, it could be more a sort of 'forgive and forget' situation where she is trying to help you forget what has happened by getting you to forgive him but if you feel that you don't want to do that then you should tell her that and tell her why because she is there to help you and if that isn't helping then you should let her know.
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Re: Wants me to seriously forgive him? - May 22nd 2012, 03:38 PM

Hey there

Hate is always destructive. Having hate inside you for someone will be bad for only one person and that is you. The person for whom that hate is won't even care. You need to forgive him for YOU and not him. So that YOU can be at peace. So that all the poison of hate can be gone from inside you.

Like others have said, be honest with your therapist. They can help you best only when they know everything. Just remember that they are not here to judge you in any way. Their job is to help you.

You can write a letter or send them an e-mail or a text if you are not comfortable talking about it face to face. And then you can discuss more on this topic whenever you meet them next.

Take care and stay strong
Feel free to PM/VM me if you need to talk to someone.

"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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Re: Wants me to seriously forgive him? - May 23rd 2012, 02:38 AM

Forgiveness is for you, not for him. If you don't forgive him, or at least try to forget, then you can't let go, and if you can't let go, you can't get past it. Just remember that forgivness isn't telling him that what he did was okay, it's telling him that you're not going to let his actions control you anymore. Hope I helped some.


Isaiah 41:13

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

God is the God of second chances
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