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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Very Scared.. - May 25th 2012, 02:21 AM

I don't know for how long but I have never been able to recall my childhood. I have about four or five solid memories up until age twelve. Otherwise I don't remember anything. And before I thought it was just a memory problem, which isn't a stretch since I have awful memory.

However, I recently found out that another girl my age was just put in a psych ward because she was molested when she was younger. Now you're probably wondering what that has to do with me.

Well it was by this girl's brother (we'll call the girl T and the victim E). So T's older brother was the one who molested her. And I used to always spend the night at T's house. I remember staying the night at her house and waking up in the middle of the night, and then it's blank. And I remember I started wetting the bed again around the age I was friends with her. And I also refused to go to her house after awhile and also wouldn't speak with her, and I would also refuse to go with to any place near her house. I didn't know why I stopped being friends with her but even now I can't bring myself to speak to her.

I don't know if I sound crazy but it's just I'm so scared that there might have been something that happened to me and I've blocked it out.

And I know this is totally unhelpful for my case and self-diagnosing just leads to stress, however I did look up to see if any of my existing issues could have any overlap with manifestations of abuse of some kind and I have 17 out of 20 of what was listed.

I just don't know what to do I'm scared it might have happened, but I also just want to ignore it and blame it on bad memory.

-I'll Paint You A Picture, One With A Twist, I'll Paint It In Red, With The Canvas On My Wrist-
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Re: Very Scared.. - May 25th 2012, 11:45 PM

Hey, anyways, it could be bad memories, I don't have a whole lot of them from around the same time (most of my solid memories are like, last year, anything other than that are snipits.) So you could blame it on blocking it out. I would deffinatly well, think about it and maybe even talk to an adult that you can trust about your fears of what has happened to E happened to you.

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
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Re: Very Scared.. - May 26th 2012, 02:36 AM

Thank you. I was thinking about bringing it up with a therapist but all my therapist says about my r*pe is that she wants me to tell my parents. So I'm worried about what will happen if I tell her about my fears with this.

-I'll Paint You A Picture, One With A Twist, I'll Paint It In Red, With The Canvas On My Wrist-
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Re: Very Scared.. - May 26th 2012, 06:56 AM

She may encourage you to tell them about it, but int the end, she cannot make you tell them if you don't want to, I still think it'd be worth bringing up with her though.

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Re: Very Scared.. - June 1st 2012, 09:10 AM

Even though she may want you to share with your parents, it's really up to you whether or not you do that. If that's ALL she's saying about it, and she's not really helping you cope, then maybe it's time to find another therapist.

I know it's scary to dig into the brain and find hidden memories but if it did happen to you, you should learn to cope with it effectively.

It's been a few days so I'll wait and see if you have gone to therapy and see how that went. I hope all is well. :]
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