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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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AnnaGrace143 Offline
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My friend told me she's abused. - June 2nd 2012, 12:44 AM

Okay, so I've been friends with this girl, K, since we were in kindergarten. (We're fourteen now.)
She recently told me that her dad abuses her.
I believed her and asked her every time we talked if he had hurt her again, but she always said no.
I then asked her brother if their dad abuses her/them, and he said no.
K [i]does[i] have a history of lying though.
I'm really worried whether or not she is abused or not.
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Re: My friend told me she's abused. - June 2nd 2012, 04:39 AM

You never want to assume someone's lying when they say they're being abused. However, if her mom is around and available to talk to I would suggest talking to her. Her brother may not know if there is abuse, our he may have been told to say no when asked.
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Re: My friend told me she's abused. - June 2nd 2012, 09:58 PM

Hi there.

Honestly, abuse is a terrible thing to go through. I would never underestimate someone's word about whether or not they're being abused.

If she's saying that he's not currently abusing her, there could be a variety of explanations for why she's saying that. Either a) there hasn't been any 'incidents' lately, b) she doesn't want to talk about it, or c) she is in denial about it. There are probably many, many more. Those are just the ones I thought of immediately. The brother could be protecting his family, as well. A lot of people are terrified to reach out about their abuse especially if it's within the family.

If you suspect she's in serious danger, try bringing it up to her. Ask her why she's told you about it once but never mentioned it again. Make sure she knows that you're supportive of her and that you're there to help her get help, if she needs it.

I'm always around if you need further advice/support/anything.
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Re: My friend told me she's abused. - June 3rd 2012, 02:21 AM

make sure your always one hundred percent there for her all the time ! maybe next time you hangout or something do something fun and then after your done your just chilling be like so i wanted to ask you is everything okay with you lately im just making sure because you dont seem yourself lately. and see what she says. remind her that whatever it is your always there for her and you want to help her. tell her that whatever secret she has that it is safe with you
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Re: My friend told me she's abused. - June 4th 2012, 04:21 PM

What you should do first is, like someone above me said, talk to her mom and ask what's going on. But, even if she says no, a lot of the time, relatives will say no to make sure no one else gets involved in their personal life. Next, talk to your parents and ask what to do, what they think would be best at this point.

Assuming you're not homeschooled and assuming that she IS being abused, i would suggest you go to your school's guidance counselor and tell them "My friend said she's being abused. She could be lying, but I don't want to assume she's lying in case it's true." they'll know where to take it from there.

"What's done in the dark will be brought to the light."
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Re: My friend told me she's abused. - June 4th 2012, 09:07 PM

How old is your friend? Because you should probably report it to child protective services, or tell your own mother what your friend since, and what has happened since.
It is very possible that your friend told you and has since become scared if she tells you any more that she will be taken away and while being abused is never a good thing, and I have seen what happens to those who are abused. Trust me, I have several friends who's mom or dad were abusive, physically, sexually or otherwise. It is one of the things that makes me want to go into social work. I have seen exactly what it can drive a person too. It is possible that now she is afraid of what will happen to her and her siblings if it is reported. And she might be afraid for her dad too, sure, she might not like him for abusing her, but he's her dad. And her mom, if she is telling the truth, what will it do to her mom if you knowing gets it reported and her dad sent to prison. Which might be why her and her brother are now saying no, no, it never happened. But maybe her dad is a rougher guy and they got into a bit TOO heated of an argument and she said he is abusive in her anger with him.
But either way, I would seriously consider reporting the matter to be investigated by CPS (child protective services) or FACS (family and children services). And talk to your mom too about the fact she said this, that way it is in hand by an adult. You should talk to her one more time, let her know you will be reporting it to CPS/FACS. If it turns out not to be true, at least CPS/FACS will be keeping a close eye on the family for a while just in case.
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