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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xel Offline
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Unhappy PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:07 PM

ok so let me just start off saying that im a 16 year old girl and i'm really inexperienced. i've never even seen a penis before. boys tell me i'm pretty sometimes but i have no social skills as i never learned to communicate properly i guess and i'm just a social failiure. anyway, today im off school and i decide to go into a sex chat because i thought it was exciting. and i met this man and i told him i was 16 and he said that he was in his mid thirties and i said i liked older men because i thought i did but it was all just so exciting so i showed him my pic. and he told me that i was pretty and asked me to do stuff to myself and he went on webcam and he was masturbating!! and i still watched because i've never done this well anyway i told him i was a virgin and he said that was a huge turn on and i was just asking him stuff and he said he would teach me everything i needed to know and i thought that was kind of cool and he never showed me his face he was wearing a shirt. and he said he was imagining having sex with me. and he kept masturbating. and i said i liked watching him and he said that made him happy. and we talked for a while and then he told me that he didnt want me to wear any underwear tomorrow at all. and that i was his bitch because we were talking about control. and so i just was so awful and then he orgasmd and he told me to be on tomorrow and that i needed to have nude pictures of myself and that he really wanted to pop my cherry and that he wanted to have anal sex with me and then i started feeling bad and i asked if i could see his face and he looked like dave from desperate housewives (google him)


only way older and paler and his roots were showing and he had huge bags under his eyes and he was breathing heavily and he was clearly not in his mid thirties he looked at least 50 and now i am just feeling so awful i am crying i can never erase this from my mind and i hate myself for doing this i dont even know why i did please anyone can u read this i dont care if u say its my fault just dont be rude
   
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:13 PM

Hey xel,
I'm so sorry you're upset right now. Please know that I don't think you're awful or disgusting or anything! I think that teenagers often have a lot of feelings, emotions, and questions about growing up, and things sex-related, which is normal. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experiment or have experiences or learn new things. That being said, unfortunately there are people out there (like this man) who do not have your best interests at heart, and do/say inappropriate things and know how to manipulate young girls. That's not YOUR fault, that's theirs. Please know that you aren't disgusting or awful. In the future, know that you can always come on to Teen Help and post about questions or concerns--there are places (like here on TH) that are safe and won't leave you feeling so awful! But YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. I promise. PM me anytime.

Jen




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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:13 PM

Ohhh myyy goddd
You have no idea how well I understand. Last night, I made a similar mistake and I'm in the same boat as you (virgin... no first kiss or first boyfriend...)
It feels soo guilty, I know. But I just keep reminding myself that its not like I had sex and all teenagers do weird sexual things.
That man is a creep though and I'm sorry that he manipulated you and tricked you. That's not cool.


Lawl.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:17 PM

Hmm. Well, I realize this is a touchy subject but here's what I think:

You're 16, so you are not legally supposed to be in a sex chat with anyone. That is illegal, so you should stop, but I think there's a reason why it's illegal... I don't think that at 16, you're necessarily ready to make a good choice about joining a sex chat or not.. and given your lack of experience, I can see how it would be totally traumatizing to do so. It's kind of like when an elementary school age child looks at porn on the internet, it's very unsettling for the kid and is not something he/she should be doing. So my first word of advice (and a word of caution) is to stay away from sex chats, and make sure that man does not contact you any more.

But now that you've done it and hopefully told yourself not to go back, you have to think about what you've already done and see what you can learn from it. I think you can tell that you might feel intimidated by men on the internet, and that having a "controlling" sexual relationship (especially with someone you can't know and could not possibly trust) is not a safe thing to do. In the end, I think we all make mistakes and we have to learn from them. This man is a creeper and you should try to avoid situations where something like this happens.

All that being said, that sounds like a horrible thing to go through. I'm sorry you did.
Take care, ok?


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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:19 PM

yeah but he told me he was married and i still did it he said he would be ok with me being 16 if i was ok with him being married. i said i thought it was exciting and he said that turned him on and that everything i sadi was so great but he cant be in his thirties plus i said i liked older men and he said that younger girls turned him on
   
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xel View Post
yeah but he told me he was married and i still did it he said he would be ok with me being 16 if i was ok with him being married. i said i thought it was exciting and he said that turned him on and that everything i sadi was so great but he cant be in his thirties plus i said i liked older men and he said that younger girls turned him on
I'm so sorry :[ (St. Vincent has good advice)
That man was being disgusting and selfish.
Its over and done with and you cant take it back... but you can learn from this. Be safe when you chat with people on the net. Something that feels good for like 3 minutes can end up being something that feels like a burden for 3 days. Don't I know it. Hang in there :]


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:26 PM

also, i've never done this before or haven't since i was like 10 or 11
   
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:31 PM

how bout u never go into another sex caht again?specially that one?
and maybe stay away from older men,unless older means a year or two older?
and i suggest staying away from married men,they come with trouble eventually,and pain and a broken heart


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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:34 PM

i've come to find that teenhelp is a very non-judgmental place. we are all here to help eachother. you are not disgusting but I do not think you should go back to that chatroom or talk to that man again. all you have to do is watch dateline to know what they are after. they are low lifes who want to manipulate young girls and you are and deserve much better than that. please don't subject yourselfto them. i understand for being curious and stuff, but it would be in your best interest to not go back or give out any information about yourself.


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Last edited by lilymadeline27; April 6th 2009 at 11:35 PM. Reason: left out a word
   
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:39 PM

Hey xel. After speaking with another moderator, I think I'm going to move this from Sex and Puberty to Rape and Abuse and mark it as triggering. I know it doesn't fit perfectly there, but I classify this as a kind of online sexual harassment and I believe the feelings you're having and toll this has taken on you is more similar to that of other threads you might find in Rape and Abuse. Also, I see Sex and Puberty for more general sex questions. However, if another moderator disagrees and would like to move it back to Sex and Puberty or elsewhere, please be my guest.

With all that said, xel, I'm sorry to had to experience this. I'm glad you've come to us to talk about it though. It seems to be a very difficult topic to talk about, but talking is probably one of the most beneficial things out there. I imagine it was an enormous wake up call when you saw the male's face at just how much people lie across the internet in order to take advantage of other people. I think it was incredibly inappropriate for this guy to do that [I mean, I generally don't agree with that sort of borderline paedophilia anyway..], but yeah, lying about one's age is so, so common on the internet. So, you have to be careful so that something like this doesn't happen again [and I'm sure you realize this now--twenty/twenty hindsight].



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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:46 PM

bbut i went along with it
   
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xel View Post
bbut i went along with it
Yeah. You were curiious! No shame in that, right? I'm logging out though. I'll PM you later ;D


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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 6th 2009, 11:50 PM

OK good luck with ur situation!! :|
   
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 7th 2009, 12:34 AM

Xel,

First off, I think it should be clear that you should immediately cut all contact with this man. If you gave him your messenger screen-name [MSN, AIM, YIM etc] block him right away. If you gave him your email, change your email address. Make sure there's absolutely no way for him to contact you whatsoever. Definitely do not go back into that chat.

As Katrina said, this is sexual harassment. If the man continues to contact you in any way, report him to the police immediately. I can't stress how important that is.

Just realize in the future that anyone can lie on the internet about their age, location, even their gender. There are some sick people on the internet, people who want to take advantage of little kids, predators. Be careful about giving out your name, age, location, your phone number, and pictures when online unless it's someone you trust. You can never be too safe on the internet.

I don't mean to sound harsh here, Xel, I'm sorry if I come across that way. Just keep this in mind for the future, sometimes it takes a mistake like this to learn for the future. I'm here anytime you need to talk about anything, take good care of yourself and keep safe.



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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 7th 2009, 02:23 AM

Nothing to worry about as long as you don't disclose ANY information. There's nothing dirty about sex chats, it's just personal choice. I do find an issue with the guy's age, don't talk to him again, that's not really right.

Never done sex chats before because I have a feeling there's way more guys than girls there, etc. but don't feel bad for using it when you're a virgin, just don't get yourself in too deep.


The book of love is written in the heart of every horny teenager...
And believe it or not, it's based on a true story.
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Last edited by SimplyComplex; April 7th 2009 at 02:58 AM. Reason: Please be a little more courteous the OP. Try not to post rude comments. Thank you
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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 7th 2009, 02:43 AM

Xel,

I am very sorry on everything that has happened to you. To think that there are people out there that would manipulate teenagers. Just like everyone has said before, you are not disgusting. You may feel disgusting and feel guilty, but you are no where near disgusting. The only person who should would be that man. You should have no guilt placed upon you for experiencing something that you are not used to.

At first, it does become exciting, and I know for a fact since I was in the same boat as you. I wanted to experience and I decided to go on the same kind of chats. I stopped for the reason that not only did I have excitement running through my body, but fear. There has been so many rumors and facts about those over the internet that I stopped. Some people have different ways of stopping, and reading yours, it was different.

In all, just make sure that you understand everything that happened. It is better that it happens the way it did and like it did now, then anything different. Now you can learn from experience and understand what to do when you get older; not become any more curious in a certain degree because you went through it.

If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to PM me or anyone here who has said the same thing. We are here to help you feel better and stand up straight. ;D

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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 7th 2009, 03:50 AM

Xel,

You are not disgusting. If anyone is disgusting it is that man who took advantage of you. Wether you "went along with it" of not is not important. He knew you were to young to be on a site like that but he choose to act inappropriately with you anyway. He is in the wrong here. However, you did make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. It is okay to make mistakes. Although that doesn't make it okay to continue making this mistake. Learn from this experience and never go to a chat like that again. They are not safe for anyone especially not someone so young.

It is okay to want to experiment with your sexuality. Heck, it is even natural for someone your age to do so. There are safe ways to experiment. You can look at porn, you can experiment with masturbating, you could even try to find a boyfriend your own age to start to get physical with. Don't to anything you are uncomfortable with and don't do anything that isn't safe. There is no rush on things like this. You have plenty of time to experiment and have fun.

One way to know not to do something again is if you feel bad afterwards. It is clear to me that you feel bad about this so don't continue it. You have other options. If you ever have any questions or you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me anytime. Hang in there and stay safe.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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Re: PLEASE help me I feel SO disugsting right now ANYONE?!?! - April 7th 2009, 11:27 PM

Hey Xel,
I hope you feel better having gained some distance from this and reading the posts of the other THers here. I just wanted to add my voice to the crowd of people telling you that you're not disgusting. You have nothing to be ashamed about.
You were curious! You wanted to know what it would be like to go into a sex chat. And then what it would be like to keep talking and so on and so on. Now you know, right? You had questions and you went and got answers in a safe, responsible way. You didn't give out any personal information or agree to him the guy in person. And now that you have your answers, you don't have to go back since you don't want to.
That creepy old guy is the one who should be ashamed. He's the only one who's done something wrong here.
And now you know something you don't like and you never have to run into it again.
Hope you feel better, Xel.
Evee


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