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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Exclamation What should i do if shes being abused? - June 25th 2012, 05:43 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a friend, who is lovely. Shes been in a three year long relationship with my boyfriends (very close) couisn. On the face of it, they seem happy but she recently told her he hits her and stuff... I know its not right and stuff, i cant quite belive he would do it. I belive her but im not sure what to do. she begged me not to tell, even if i did she wouldnt leave him. Im worried telling would only make things worse for her. also though, my boyfriend im sure wouldnt belive it or me. Im sure we would break up because i want to help her but she wont help herself. i do keep telling her its not her fault like she thinks. how its not fair and she should leave but... she wont. shes sure its her fault because she makes him angery. she cant accept its no excuse... can anyone help? if it comes out or if i bring it out, whatever happens this could be majorly bad for not just her but me too. i know itas selfish but i know she wont do anything about it for herself even with the support, so should i risk my relationship for it? im so confused...
   
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Re: What should i do if shes being abused? - June 25th 2012, 05:53 PM

Hey there,

There are a lot of abused girls/women who will not help themselves. As a friend it can be really hard to watch your friend struggle in an abusive relationship. I understand what you are struggling with because you are afraid of losing your boyfriend but wouldn't you feel worse if your friend's abusive relationship got so out of hand that she ended up losing her life? I think you should consider telling someone about the abusive relationship she is in. It might cause a lot of turmoil within your relationships but wouldn't you prefer that you tried doing everything that you could to try and help her instead of doing nothing at all?

Are you close to her family? Are there any other friends that she might have confided in about this? Maybe you could try talking to other close friends the two of you have in common and see what they have to say, see if she has told them about this etc. It might help if you can get back up with this as well. But in the end I think telling someone is your safest bet.

I really hope this helped.


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Re: What should i do if shes being abused? - June 25th 2012, 10:05 PM

The biggest peroblem is although im closeish with her, i know her via my boyfriend and his cousin really, as i actually get on quite well with him and knew him first (although obviously my views are changing) she has spoken to people who know her better but i dont really have anyone to tell other than my boyfriend seeing as how i cant really say much to him himself. she has lots of support and i know i would be there for her regardless of what happend to me but i just dont see how i can help much seeing as im 15 and there 17. my dilema is what exactly can i do? who can i tell? should i stay out the way an leave somone else who is more close to help? how does my involvment do anything other than make it worse for everyone? i know i must sound so selfish but im a at a loss at to what to do to help. i know it sounds stupid but its like im stuck in the middle with a gun and no matter who i shoot it will erupt and cause a bigger problem? can anyone help?
   
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