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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Having sex while blacked out. - September 4th 2012, 02:22 PM

I was really really drunk on Sunday night.

Black out drunk and I have no memory of the night.

I met a guy at the bar and he came home with me. I was extremely intoxicated when I agreed to this.

I know this is pretty much an invitation to have sex. I don’t know weather I verbally said I wanted to because I can’t remember. Hell I don’t even know if I was passed out when we had sex, doubtful but possible considering I have no memory.

This guy only had one beer because he drove to my apartment and he drove home after we hooked up. He left his number on a piece of paper telling me to call him so could f*** again.

People are telling me this is a form of rape. That I was far too intoxicated to consent to sex and he took advantage…I feel like it’s a bit extreme to say this is rape.

I have only told my best friend and he says it absolutely is. The guy knew how drunk I was and took advantage. I do feel like he took advantage but I’m the only who invited him home and I was probably too drunk to fight him about having sex with me and just let it happen.

I’m just wondering what people think, if a guy has sex with a girl who is black out drunk, is it still rape? Even if the girl says at the time that it’s okay? I feel like saying it’s rape is extreme but my best friend seems to strongly disagree with me.

I’m just asking for my own piece of mind. I do feel very violated and disgusting I never would have consented sober, or when I was less drunk but I drank too much so I feel like it’s my own fault.
   
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Re: Having sex while blacked out. - September 5th 2012, 06:58 AM

Hey there,

I've done both sexual violence prevention peer education along with sexual health peer education, and in all the trainings we received, we are told very clearly: if a person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol to the point where they cannot drive, they cannot consent to sex. However, I'm not saying that every single person who has had sex drunk was raped. What I'm saying that by the technical consent laws, being under the influence gets rid of your ability to give consent.

Now, the big question is, do you feel raped? Even if you don't choose to press charges, I'd recommend seeking help for any leftover feelings you may have. Even if you just feel slightly taken advantage of, it may be beneficial to talk about these with a professional (or to a friend/here on TeenHelp if you don't have anywhere else to turn) to allow yourself to express these thoughts. I've had similar experiences, and it absolutely sucks to be taken advantage of when you have no control over your body.

Also, do not think it was your fault. Whether or not this was "rape," "sexual assault," or "just being taken advantage of" (however you'd like to label it), you shouldn't have to worry about somebody randomly having sex with you without your consent. In a perfect world, we'd have control over this, and be able to go to a bar without worrying about "if I drink too much somebody will have sex with me." You did nothing wrong by drinking too much, he took it too far. Do you feel violated? That will depend on you, and if you do, get yourself the help you need.

Hopefully that offers some type of perspective, good luck, I hope things get better.



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September 8th 2012, 02:08 AM

Just a word of forewarn: I'm only going to address the technical legal issues within this post. I can't really empathise with your situation, and wouldn't know how you're feeling, so I think it's best if I remain objective for the most part of this post.

At least in my country, intoxication nullifies consent. In any contractual, criminal or proprietarial agreement, an intoxicated party cannot give consent to an agreement. That being said, there are exceptions.

First of all, I think it's best to only address the issue of rape. If I were to go to a bar and have three drinks in quick succession, thus exceeding the limit to drive, I would still be able to give consent. If I had gone to a bar and had 12 drinks in quick succession, I would certainly not be in a position to give consent to a sexual activity. Thus, as far as rape is concerned, it does not depend on your ability to drive by law. You may be over the limit to drive, but consent to sex is a completely different ball game. The Courts, in this sense, have consistently used what we law students like to call "a principle on a factual matrix". Essentially, it means that the principle derived from a particular statute (as in this case, the charge of rape and consent being nullified by intoxication) turns on the facts of the case, and not by some magical formula dreamt up by the judiciary. Thus, for intoxication to nullify consent, it would turn on its facts. If you had twelve drinks in slow succession, and you are a [Edited]lb male, and evidence is given to that effect, the Court will most likely deem you able to give consent. However, if you're a [Edited]lb female, and you have 12 drinks over a period of two hours, the Court will most likely deem you to be incapable of consenting to sex. Therefore, in your case, because you were blackout drunk, your BAC would've been particularly high, and that would suggest that you drank a fair bit. The Court would, at least in this scenario, and if evidence is given to that effect, most likely deem you incapable of consenting to sex. Thus, the other party has committed rape.

There are, however, usually two exceptions to this rule. The first is simple: if the other party is as blind drunk as you are, neither of you can consent to sex, and there's no legal rape. The same test applies to this situation, but instead of testing one party, you test both: how much did you have to drink? How fast did you drink it? How much do you weigh?

The second exception is a little more complex. It is, in essence, this: if the party charged with rape consistently and reasonably believes that the consent was valid (i.e. you weren't intoxicated enough to nullify consent to rape), they cannot be convicted. This is usually tested on an "outward manifestation" test. Essentially, if he was with you the whole time, and watched you down 12 shots in the space of an hour, he ought to have known you were intoxicated enough to not consent to sex. Thus, he committed rape. However, if he had only met you five minutes before you left, and you were not acting intoxicated (to all outward appearances), and he did not see you have a drink, he may be held to have reasonably believed that you were not intoxicated enough to nullify consent. This, once again, turns on its factual matrix. It is up to the prosecution to prove that the defendant committed rape; it is up to the defendant to prove that he reasonably believed the victim to be sober enough to consent.

Finally, to end, I'll remind you to check the laws in your state and/or country before taking my word for it. I am basing this off both English and Australian laws (which are generally unified across all British Empire colonies), and the same may not apply to your particular situation.

I'll also end by saying that I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.


Because in the end, it doesn't even matter.

Last edited by Tigerlily.; September 8th 2012 at 08:58 PM. Reason: Weight numbers are not allowed on TH and merging double posts
   
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