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KimmyKitty September 22nd 2013 04:28 AM

sexually abused and raped
 
Ive dealt with sexual abuse more than once..... when I was 8 years old, I was molested by my grandfather. at the time, I didn't really think anything of it, I never understood what happened. I was too young to understand. but I think it has effected my self esteem my whole life, after that I pushed everyone away but my dad. I started to understand when got into my teenage years about everything. I feel horrible about myself. I am 16 now, and on August 18th of this year, I was raped. by a guy younger than me. it probably sounds so pathetic. he was living in my house, not related to me but living in my house, and he asked me to have sex multiple times and I kept saying no but he didn't take that as an answer, he grabbed me by my legs, did oral on me, and help a pillow over my face, the next thing I know, he was inside me. I was crying in fear and was saying stop and no, but he wouldn't stop. it burned so much. I ran away from home that night. I told my boyfriend what happened, and his mother called the police. the police didn't believe me and said that it was the guys word against mine, and he said it was consensual and I said it wasn't. because of his age, the law is protecting him, so I didn't prosecute because they didn't believe me anyways, and they said I could get it trouble because of the age. but it wasn't my fault. after that happened, my boyfriend didn't treat me the same, he would barely talk to me, he wasn't there for me when I needed him the most after that. we broke up. I've pretty much cried everyday after the rape happened, and Ive also had scary nightmares of it. I feel so worthless and dirty. :'( I feel like its all my fault. I've tried to keep suicide out of my mind, but it has just came into mind again. I cant stop crying and I really just need some support. my family knows what has happened, they have supported me some, but I just need some support. I don't know what to do anymore. the pain is killing me :'(

cynefin September 22nd 2013 01:55 PM

Re: sexually abused and raped
 
Hey there :hug:

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know how much it hurts. I want to let you know that this is not your fault - you didn't have control over these instances. Often times, people don't believe that people younger than others can do this kind of thing but they can. It's terrible that they didn't believe you, but you know the truth. Is it possible for you to go to the doctor's and get checked for injuries or any kind of scaring down there?

If your boyfriend treated you like that, that's his own fault. He's missing out on such a great person. Nightmares are hard to deal with. What I recommend is doing something peaceful before going to sleep. Listen to soft music, read a book, etc. If the nightmare happens to wake you up, try to ground yourself. Hold a childhood stuffed toy, that kind of thing to remind yourself that you survived the abuse and that you're still here.

I'm here if you need anything.

-Cassie

floatingangel September 22nd 2013 03:31 PM

Re: sexually abused and raped
 
hey there.. so sorry that happened to you :( you don't deserve any of it.. and it's surely not your fault! and the sexual abuse and rape doesn't define who you are. it doesn't take away your worth even though at times your mind will lie to you and tell you that somehow you're worth less because of what happened to you...
don't give up! it's a daily struggle.. it's great that your family is supporting you some, and i know that they love you very very much even though they may not know what to do or say sometimes
stay safe.. the pain and depression will come and go, though most of the time it'd affect longer than you would hope...
i hope for you that you've an easier time ahead

.:Bibliophile:. September 23rd 2013 02:06 AM

Re: sexually abused and raped
 
Hey there,

Firstly, I want you to know that this was not your fault. I am so glad that you reported it. I am sorry the police did not treat you the way you deserved to be treated though. That must have been really hard to deal with. Remember that you did nothing wrong and the person at fault here is your rapist.

I think it is great that you have the support of your family but I understand that the support you get from your family only goes so far. Do you think you could try looking into counseling? I know that might be a really hard thing to consider but I think it could do you a lot of good. I know I went to counseling to deal with my abuse and it helped me quite a bit. You don't have to turn to suicide to get through this because you can heal from the effects of this. It will take time but with the proper help and coping skills you will get to a better place. Healing really is possible.

I hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to message me.

KimmyKitty September 23rd 2013 02:23 AM

Re: sexually abused and raped
 
Thanks for all your support. I really appreciate it. I want to go to counseling but my insurance that my dad has only pays for one counselor that ive been too and she didn't work out well. I really want a counselor but that isn't possible. I am trying to stay strong. I'm just struggling with the nightmares and feeling worthless and the break up. I still cry everyday about it. But I am trying to heal. Its just been really rough.

.:Bibliophile:. September 23rd 2013 09:43 PM

Re: sexually abused and raped
 
Hey there,

Do you think you could look into low cost counseling in your area? I know that my area offers counseling on a sliding scale so people only pay, at most $30, and maybe you could find something like that in your area? You might be able to find something by doing a google search "Low cost counseling [insert hometown]" or you could try calling some of the counselors in your area, maybe even the one that didn't work out, and ask them if they know of any low cost counseling available. I know that low cost counseling isn't available in every area but depending on where you live it could be an option you have available.

DeletedAccount19 September 23rd 2013 09:48 PM

Re: sexually abused and raped
 
Hey, Kimmy, I'm sorry this has happened to you. :hug: This is not your fault, please remember that.

This is why I think "statutory rape" is a whole load of bullshit. That's what stopping him from being prosecuted, because you're of age where you live and he isn't.

Again, I am sorry this happened to you. It shouldn't happen to anyone under any circumstance. :hug:


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