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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
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don't want it to happen anymore - April 27th 2009, 05:49 AM

I'm tired of the fighting.

Of the fighting when it's yelling - my dad at my mom, my mom back at my dad to protect herself. I'm tired of listening to his verbal abuse of her, and of knowing that it goes on when I'm not there. I'm tired of my dad getting away with it because nobody will really stand up to him - my mom makes excuses, I know that she's afraid... I've tried, but it doesn't work. And I worry when he drinks...

Sometimes he shows that he genuinely cares, though. He's not like that all the time.

It just hurts when he is, and I'm tired of watching the way he treats my mother.

And I'm tired of the fighting when it's yelling - my sister and my mom. I know that it probably doesn't seem like my younger sister yelling at my mom would be anything, just "normal mother-daughter behavior" - but the fights, she gets so caustic, and sometimes explodes even physically...

I see too much of my dad in her...

And I'm tired of being yelled at. Being told I'm not enough, that I'm incompetent, that despite everything they say they're proud of in me when the occasion arises they treat me like I'm something negligible or just not enough. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an offense. That when I try to help I'm an offense. When I try to speak up and say something's wrong I'm an offense. When I try to be as invisible as possible I'm an offense.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound selfish or anything. I'm just tired of seeing my family hurt - when they're hurting each other. And it hurts me to see them hurt. And sometimes - it hurts me, when it's just me. I should be able to take it, to not listen when the younger sister who I had gotten close to this last year but who's ripped herself away from me because I was worried about her weight and has become more caustic than ever screams that she's going to kill me because financial stuff with me might mean that doesn't get a phone she wanted. I know it sounds stupid, but - she's never screamed that before, that she was going to kill me...

I don't know what to do. Sorry that this is so long, I don't mean to complain. I'm sorry, nobody has to reply.
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Re: don't want it to happen anymore - April 27th 2009, 07:44 PM

Not wanting to see your familly hurt isn't selfish at all. It's really hard to watch this happen. I know how you feel, it's awful. But you shouldn't blame this, or feel that you can take it because it's hard on everyone.
Maybe you can talk to them about it. Like, at dinner or some time when you're all together and genuinly in a good mood. Just bring it up like 'i hate it when we all get angry at eachother' Make it seem like it's everyone, not just them or they'll feel like you're yelling at them even if your not.

See if you cant drive away from it for a bit, weather its a car of yours or borrowing one. You don't have to leave for long, but just go for a nice drive around the neighborhood. Or even better, just a walk. Find a friend you can vent to on the phone or in person. It really helps. Hope things work out.

Take me seriously.
I dare you.

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Re: don't want it to happen anymore - April 27th 2009, 08:32 PM

This isn't complaining at all because you are being faced with so many problems at once. You are not selfish for wanting to talk about it and get help; that is the right thing to do. I can't imagine what it's like to be surrounded by so much yelling. The things they say to you to hurt you and to each other are out of anger. People tend to find the worst things to say that will get to you the quickest when they are in that sort of place. It still gives them no right to bring you down to that level. This is not your fault and you are competent, MORE than competent! And the only offense is how you are being treated.

It might be a good idea to have a talk with them, in a calm environment when you feel like you can get through to them. Let your family know how much they are hurting you and in turn hurting themselves. This is a serious cycle that has to stop and change for the better. They could be blind to this situation and you could open their eyes. It also might help to confide in friends and people you trust. Even talking here about it is a huge step!

And take care of YOU. Like Marissa said, go on a walk or a quiet drive. Read a great book or watch your favorite movie. Something to help you. Being surrounded by that all the time wears a person down.

If you ever need to talk, please never hesitate to send a message my way!
I hope things work out and take a turn for the better!
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Jen Offline
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Re: don't want it to happen anymore - April 27th 2009, 09:42 PM

Hey <3
I don't want to repeat what everyone has already said (I think they had great advice!) but I want to remind you of something: it is not your responsibility to fix everyone's feelings. You are not responsible for fixing everything, for making it all better, for repairing all the damage. That being said, I know that it's really affecting you--so yes, it's totally okay to try to voice your concerns and fix it to the best of your ability, so that it can help YOU feel better. But it's not your JOB to solve your mom's problems for her, for example. I know that's hard because I tend to feel like it's my job to fix everyone's issues for them as well. But it's okay to just be responsible for YOU.

And remember self-compassion. You get to not always be brave, to not always be able to take it, to not always feel okay about what's going on. However you're feeling or whatever you're thinking is all okay. Whatever it is, it is, and as long as you're being real (which you are), it's okay. It might not be pleasant, but it's okay. You're okay.

Sending you a big hug-

"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

“if nothing changed, there’d be no butterflies”

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