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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 12:53 AM

umm so i raped like 5 girls a few times and i just...cant stop its like amazing when im doing it but afterwards i feel like crap and cant stop thinking about the girl but after a while i do it again the next time i get an oppertunity and i dont know if any of them have told anyone but whenever i see one of them i feel hella guilty but i fantasize about what i did at home...

idk i had to write about it theres a lot more to this but thats all im gonna write for now...i just dont know

Last edited by ForeverAutumn*; April 30th 2009 at 12:59 AM. Reason: Marking as triggering.
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 01:10 AM

First off, I just want to give this warning to anyone who wishes to reply to this thread:

Any comments or replies that are abusive, hateful, or flaming in any way will be deleted immediately and the user will be either warned or infractioned. This is a teen support website. The OP is asking for help with a problem.


All right. Now that I've said that - I'm glad you're asking for help with this because raping another girl is not all right. It's good you feel guilty about what you've done because it's imperative you realize you've hurt those girls if you want to change how you're acting - which you should want to do.

I strongly encourage you to turn yourself in to the police. Think about going to a treatment center because if you're having trouble resisting the urge to rape, you need help. Try to identify the reason you want to rape, or what's triggering the urges.

Something else I strongly urge you to do is apologize to the girls you've hurt. Rape is a serious thing and sexual abuse/assault is NOT something that can be forgotten overnight. As a victim of sexual abuse, I can tell you, it sticks with you forever. You don't just forget something as traumatic as sexual abuse or rape. While an apology will never be enough to change what you've done in the past, it could very well help the girls to heal or find closure.

If you'd like to talk about anything, feel free to drop me a PM.



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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 01:20 AM

I agree wit foreverAutumn. It's good you're starting to recognize this as a problem that needs to be addressed, and I think you need to get some professional help. i'm not sure what the most appropriate place to start is, perhaps its the police. perhaps its a counselor, at your school or elsewhere. note, i'm not sure about what mandatory reporting policies counsleors may have since rape is a crime, and they may have to report it to the police anyway. but that might be a better way to get in to the legal system- through somebody who will help direct you to treatment.
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 01:34 AM

uh...im not gonna turn myself to the police...i know that im gonna get slaughtered in jail(or i think rape charge means straight to prison)and counselors or theorapist are mandated to report this kind of stuff

one of the girls i tried appologizing to but when i had her alone in that area i just had to take the chance to do it again(ive used her a couple times and now she doesnt seem to care now)
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 01:38 AM

Hey,

Gosh, I know how hard that must have been for you to admit. Not only that, but to a site full of people you barely know. It takes a lot of courage to do that. I know many people who post about being a victim, I can't imagine posting as the other side.

Obviously, we both know what you're doing is a terrible thing. Though, it can be an addiction. I'm not saying it isn't wrong or your fault, but sometimes things like this have links with the mind too. So, that can contribute to the urges. On the other hand, it might just be a pleasure. Either way, it is highly illegal. If I were you, I would discuss this with someone immediately. I realize the damage is done, but the sooner it's over, the sooner these girls can recover. I'm sure you'd prefer them to try and continue a normal child hood.

The feeling of guilt, I've never had it in this type of situation. Though, I'd imagine it can only be relieved after paying for your actions. That can only ever be done by confronting them properly and receiving your deserved punishment. I, and many of the other users, are victims of rape or some type of abuse. The fact that my abuser is admitting to what he did and trying to get better, allows me some type of closure. Though, I'll never live a normal life or one like before, I'll be able to cope a little easier. After something like rape, even once, life becomes a coping strategy for most victims. If you know things aren't right, make them right as soon as possible by turning yourself in.

Those girls deserve a childhood and right now you're stripping it away from them. So, I really do think, tomorrow, you should do something about it. Once you've done your time, forgive yourself, and learn. Once you've done your time, then you can say you're completely sorry. Listen, if you need someone to talk to at all, let me know okay?

~Stay strong and have faith.


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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 02:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by UltimateCheeseBurger View Post
uh...im not gonna turn myself to the police...i know that im gonna get slaughtered in jail(or i think rape charge means straight to prison)and counselors or theorapist are mandated to report this kind of stuff

one of the girls i tried appologizing to but when i had her alone in that area i just had to take the chance to do it again(ive used her a couple times and now she doesnt seem to care now)
A counselor could not turn you into the police for a past incident as it would be a serious breach of confidentiality. However, they most certainly would be required to notify the proper authorities if they think you are a danger to yourself or those around you, of if you've spoken of plans to rape again in the future.

Take someone with you if you go to apologize, so you don't end up making this mistake again. I doubt the girl doesn't care anymore - most likely she's trying to either block out what's happening or this is her method of coping with what's happened.

When it comes down to it, if you don't seek help with this or turn yourself into the police - nothing is going to change. Turning yourself in is the right thing to do. You knew rape was illegal yet you did it anyway, knowing the consequences.



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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 02:30 AM

First off i'm really glad you have recognized that what your doing is wrong. That is the first step. I guess what comes next is really up to you. You can either turn yourself in or talk with a counselor, but i don't think you should apologize... not at this point. You said the last time you tried to apologize you ended up hurting her again so i think for now it's best to just stay away form those girls... they probably really don't want to see you anyways. I know i hate being near my abuser.

I really think you should talk with a counselor. If your worried about being reported than don't admit to any crimes. Just tell him/her about the feelings you've been having and that you don't want to commit those crimes. They should be able to help you work thru the feelings or set you up with someone who can.

I hope you get the help you need and that you aren't afraid to do what's right.

pm me if you ever need to talk, i will try and do my best to help you
-emily
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 02:40 AM

Hi, there!

I believe that it is very important for you to know that you have done a great thing by writing this. In doing so, you have acknowledged your crimes and taken a huge step towards reform. Keep it up; you're doing wonderfully.

I know you have already stated that you do not intend to turn yourself in to the police or attend counselling; however, it is incredibly crucial for you to both turn yourself in AND to seek therapy...and I will tell you why.

What you have done to these girls is cruel and inhumane; as a victim of sexual abuse, I believe rape to be a fate much worse than death. I do not mean to sound harsh, but I think that it is important that you know the reality of the pain you have inflicted on your victims.

Common reactions to rape:

Flashbacks: When memories of past traumas feel as if they are taking place in the current moment.

These memories can take many forms: dreams, sounds, smells, images, body sensations, or overwhelming emotions. This re-experience of the trauma often seems to come from nowhere and, therefore, blurs the lines between past and present, leaving the individual feeling anxious, scared, powerless, or any other emotions that they felt at the time of the trauma.

Some flashbacks are mild and brief, a passing moment, while others may be powerful and last a long time. Many times the individual does not even realize that he or she is having a flashback and may feel faint or dissociate.

Rape Trauma Syndrome:
Continuing anxiety
Severe mood swings
Sense of helplessness
Persistent fear or phobia
Depression
Rage
Difficulty sleeping (nightmares, insomnia, etc.)
Eating difficulties (nausea, vomiting, compulsive eating, etc.)
Denial
Withdrawal from friends, family, activities
Hypervigilance
Reluctance to leave house and/or go places that remind the individual of the assault
Sexual problems
Difficulty concentrating

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): A normal human reaction to an extreme or abnormal situation. Each person has a different threshold for what is perceived as a traumatic event. PTSD is not a rare or unusual occurrence, in fact, many people experience PTSD as a result of a traumatic experience such as rape or sexual assault.

Body memories: When the stress of the memories of the abuse experienced by an individual take the form of physical problems that cannot be explained by the usual means (medical examinations, etc.).


Source: www.rainn.org




Through this information, I'm hoping to show you one very important fact: rape ruins lives. I beg you; spare the lives of potential victims, save them from the horrors of trauma. Turn yourself in, seek help. Even if you do not go to the police, you could speak to a psychologist or therapist to help avoid future urges.

I hope you can find the strength to get the help you need.


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but I'm gonna try
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in my own way"

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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 02:43 AM

well i do kinda wanna get help cause yeah its wrong and everything but a part of me doesnt care and wants more and that part seems to be the stronger side and its just like telling me i need this like i can get so much more and by telling people in real life is gonna ruin that for me...but i know i need to get over this but i strongly would go against theorapy...i dont know im mixed still...
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 02:51 AM

My advice would be to read through the posts here from those that have been abused. Maybe reading about how it effects others might help change your habits. I'd be happy to talk to you if you want.


   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 02:58 AM

reply to spazola

ive read a lot of books on rape and stuff and understand that it can really hurt a person a lot and thats why i feel a lot of guilt cause when i see one of them they dont useally look or act the same and one of the girls used to be prepy but now she looks more said but i can tell she tries to look happy but still that hurts me knowing i did that but when i think about how it felt doing it i just think how good i liked it and if i did it again...
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 03:12 AM

It sounds like you're really conflicted and confused about where to go from here. We can all tell you to get help and that you are really hurting these girls, but it's up to you to actually decide to change. You know it's wrong, you know you are hurting them forever... now u have to decide if you want to be the type of man that destroys lives or someone who admits he's made mistakes and has the courage to change.

It's up to you. I obviously hope you chose to get help and change, but ik that you have along ways to go from where you are now. Everyone on here will do there best to help you thru this. And i am more than willing to talk if u need it

-emily
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 03:37 AM

Maybe talk to a religious Figure and get some advice they can't call the police with no names/other info due to lack of evidence.?


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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 04:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by UltimateCheeseBurger View Post
reply to spazola

ive read a lot of books on rape and stuff and understand that it can really hurt a person a lot and thats why i feel a lot of guilt cause when i see one of them they dont useally look or act the same and one of the girls used to be prepy but now she looks more said but i can tell she tries to look happy but still that hurts me knowing i did that but when i think about how it felt doing it i just think how good i liked it and if i did it again...
Its good that you feel guilty for doing these things but if all you think about is how good it felt, that is being very selfish. You have to think about them as well, and possible future victims, because this isnt all about you. I really hope you find the strength to get help. If you turn yourself into the police and admit you need help and you apologize, etc, I dont think they will put you in prison--more likely they will send you to a treatment center. Just dont let those selfish thoughts of your own pleasure continue to bring you more guilt and hurt more people.


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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 10:36 AM

It's really good that you know there's a problem but this really has to stop. It's not very nice at all. You know there's a problem so please do something about it. How old are you? They're not going to put you in prison but they can help you with this problem so that you can stop the urge to do it. Please, go and tell someone what you're doing so that they can help you. Please try to stop. However much pleasure it's giving you, it's giving the girls you're raping pain the amount of your pleasure times 1,000,000.


Ever mind the Rule of Three: Three times what thou givest returns to thee: This lesson well, thou must learn: Thee only gets what thou dost earn.
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 10:38 AM

Hey,

It's good that you understand how much what you've done has effected people. That girl who tries to look happy... probably isn't. It's probably a huge front. She is probably putting on a brave face for the world, doing that day in day out is hard. It's hard to do, when you're feeling unhappy, depressed... the thing you want least of all is for people to realise how you're feeling. Rape is not a nice thing and it's carried with you for the rest of your life. Rape or sexual abuse changes you as a person, you can go from being a happy go lucky person to someone who is withdrawn some days it's hard to function, it challeges your ability to trust people, it can stop you from having happy relationships, it can stop you from becoming initately close to someone else.
I do strongly advise you get some help.
I can understand you not wanting to go to the police, it's hard to admit to something like that, but at least getting some help you can stop yourself from hurting someone else in the same way.

All I can say as someone who has been through sexual abuse and rape is it turns your world upside down. It depresses you and brings you down. All the time you go through situations and you always relate it back to the abuse because it effects you so much day to day.
It's been about 9 years since I was abused and it still effects me to this day hugely. I find it hard to trust people. I cannot be in a sexual relationship because I'm afraid that I'll be raped again.
I find it hard to trust anyone, family, friends... boyfriends, guys in general. People don't understand why I am the way I am and I'm ashamed to say what happened. I don't want to be a victim but because of what happened to me I've become one... because being ashamed and scared to speak, that's a victim talking.

While saying sorry and appologising cannot undo what you did or prove anything not doing it again proves that you are making a change.
It's good that you feel guilty.
I guess the ultimate challenge for you is not raping or abusing someone again. Look to get some help, in whatever way you can. Getting help shows you want to make a change in your life and you don't want to hurt women ever again.

I think after you've had help you can go on to having loving relationships. Me myself personally I could respect the person who did what they did to me a whole lot more if they could admit what they did and make a change in their life so they don't do that to someone again. Not doing it again would prove they were sorry and then I think I could begin to forgive them fully.

So please do go and get some help and it will mean what happened to those girls will not happen to someone else and it will give them some justice for what happened to them.
PM me if you ever need to speak.
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 10:40 AM

What if it's not enough for you? What will happen if you get bored with girls your own age or they start fighting back? Will you move onto little kids and babies? Please please stop this now, before it gets too late and too hard to stop. Will it be four year olds next month, next year? Will it be your own children if you have them, after your wife?


Ever mind the Rule of Three: Three times what thou givest returns to thee: This lesson well, thou must learn: Thee only gets what thou dost earn.
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 08:12 PM

so today i talked to the girl ive done it to multiple times(we talk sometimes)and i tried telling her i was gonna stop and stuff but she said she knows im not gonna stop and just do it to her again next chance i get and she doesnt care what i do anymore cause shes used to it but shes probably right...

tried seeing a counselor but couldnt get anything out it was just like clues then i asked something and he said if i hurt someone in the school hed talk to that person so i didnt say it

thats my day...
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - April 30th 2009, 10:05 PM

That's good! Just keep going to the counsellor until you can get it out. It's great that you're making progress!

Just because that girl says she doesn't care anymore, doesn't give you a right to do it. Her says she doesn't care probably means she's blocked it out and glazed over and she's just trying to repress all the pain that's happening to her but can't. Please let her be. Let her recover. She will live with it forever, what you're doing to her. So much pain for a two minute pleasure for you...

Please tell the counsellor. He can help you and help you so that you don't do it anymore. Please tell them.


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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 1st 2009, 01:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by UltimateCheeseBurger View Post
so today i talked to the girl ive done it to multiple times(we talk sometimes)and i tried telling her i was gonna stop and stuff but she said she knows im not gonna stop and just do it to her again next chance i get and she doesnt care what i do anymore cause shes used to it but shes probably right...

tried seeing a counselor but couldnt get anything out it was just like clues then i asked something and he said if i hurt someone in the school hed talk to that person so i didnt say it

thats my day...
Don't let her ambivalence make you think it's OK to continue with it. Her saying what she did is probably out of fear, pain, etc. If you can, tell her to avoid you. If you're struggling to stop yourself, she can help you in a way.

You have to realize that you CAN stop. Try not to let yourself fall into the trap of "I can't, I won't," and so on, so forth. It isn't going to happen overnight, but you CAN stop.

If a school counselor isn't helping, consider seeing someone outside of school.
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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 1st 2009, 01:53 AM

Before I start off: mods, I'm gonna try to be nice, I swear to it.

Now, this is a terrible thing that you've done. You are better than most rapists, in the sense that you feel guilty and don't actually want to hurt anyone. However, I don't beleive that you are truly so weak that you have to rape a girl when you get the chance. Don't go making excuses for yourself--rape is unexcusable, no matter what.

The only things you can do to even begin to redeem yourself is to apologize to all of the girls (do it online or over the phone if you really can't control yourself), and turn yourself in. And for God's sakes, you're a rapist, you have to get some help. No matter what, you remember, this is not okay to do. It's not alright, under any circumstances. The only hope you have is to go get some counselling so it does not continue and to at least apologize to these girls that you have most likely horribly traumatized.
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 1st 2009, 01:22 PM

im not being nasty.
ive read this thread 3 times now.
and thought i should write something.
to b honest im not happy with this being allowed to be posted.
and i know if i shouldnt like it then i shouldnt read it.
but i read it once, and its being playing on my mind.
and it sickens me.
sorry.
but...i do understand that ur askin for help.
which is good.
but i think u should turn yourself in.
what u have bein doin is wrong.
really wrong.
and i hope u find the strenght within yourself to realise that.
u are only 15 you can get help and learn from it.
u have reconginized what u have done.
ur strong enough to try and put some of this right
im not being nasty, im just giving my opionion whilst supporting u and giving advice.
well thats how i see it.
please do the right thing


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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 1st 2009, 03:46 PM

Mostly I agree with things that have already been said, so I won't repeat it all. Obviously we can't make you talk to a counsellor or the police if you don't want to, although I can tell you that talking to them is the best way to get help - there are a number of programmes, in the UK and USA and Canada at least and I'm sure other places in the world, which aim to help sexual offenders tackle their problems and reduce the risk of them reoffending. There is help out there but it does need you to admit the problem for you to be able to get it.

Other than that, I think that masturbating to these thoughts is probably making them stronger. I would try masturbating to more socially acceptable fantasies and thoughts because that will help those thoughts to become more arousing and hopefully decrease your reliance on those involving rape. It might also help to look at those things that increase the likelihood you will rape someone - what behaviours make it easier to rape them? Those are things you need to avoid if you are going to stop.

Having said that, it is a good thing that you recognise your actions for what they represent and that you want to change. Change is possible, and those programmes I mentioned earlier can be quite effective and are based on cognitive behavioural therapy (basically looking at your thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and how they interact to maintain the problem, which helps in working out what to change to reduce or overcome the issue). It's also good that you can recognise what impact your actions may have on the people you have raped, and that you are able to feel guilt about that. You have taken some good steps forward in starting to address this issue and your behaviour, and I believe that if you want to change this and are prepared to work for it, you can do so.
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 1st 2009, 07:33 PM

Hey,

I've have found it hard to reply to this thread simply because I am at a loss for the right words to say. If you are admitting you have a problem then why won't you do something about it. If you continue down this road chances are that one day you will get caught. I honestly think you should turn yourself in. When real men make mistakes they own up to what they've done and accept the consequences of their actions. If you don't like the consequences then you should have taken that into consideration before you committed those crimes. Rape is a crime for a reason. Rape isn't right and there is no way to justify it. Even if you do have some sort of 'problem' that still doesn't justify taking away someone's freedom of choice like that. You've mentioned that the girl you've assaulted "just doesn't care anymore". In reality, I think she believes she doesn't deserve any better. She may even be acting like it isn't a big deal so that it is easier for her to cope with. Either way it is still effecting her and don't even kid yourself by thinking you aren't doing her any harm. Rape is one of the worst kinds of hurt you can inflict on another person. It stays with you and haunts you for a lifetime. Don't be the kind of person who breaks people like this. Don't be the kind of person who destroys people's lives. You expressed concern that if you told a therapist then you would be criminally prosecuted. Therapists are sworn to confidentiality. Unless they believe that you are a danger to yourself or others they can not share any information you tell then with anyone else. Even if they do believe you are a danger to others they still can not divulge the nature of your sessions to law enforcement. Therefore you can't be criminally prosecuted for anything you tell a therapist. I do not know if your school guidance counselor is bound by the same oath. I would either ask them or ask your parent's if you can start therapy. You have addressed the fact that you have a problem now you need to do something about it. Think about your future victims and think about your own future. Is this really what you want for yourself? Take care and get the help you need.


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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 1st 2009, 07:34 PM

I agree with what'a already been said. You NEED to tell someone otherwise you're going to destroy lives.

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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 1st 2009, 09:52 PM

ok,i cant get pro help yet and tell my parents and turning myself in is not an option...

i talked 2 of the girls and they look uncomfortable,i did it outside class,i didnt really mention it but i hinted it and appologized and they didnt respond much but were ok...but i dont like talking to them cause when i do i just wanna like drag her somewhere and do things..

i also talked to the one i mentioned last time and it went...ok i guess

i hate appologizing knowing i might just do it again...
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 1st 2009, 10:03 PM

I want to start this by saying this: I'm going to do this calmly, and try and work through all of your posts in a chronological manner so that it makes sense to us both, as well as those reading this post.

I want to start this off, once more, by saying, as many of these other posters have said, that rape is not okay. I can tell you feel as though it's not okay because of the mixed feelings you've been feeling, and present as you post. You say you've raped five girls. You say it feels amazing, and you say that afterward you feel like crap and you can't stop thinking about the girl that you did this to. I want to tell you something I've learned through an experience of my own, and that is this: Rape is not about pleasure. It's about power over one person. Now, in my opinion, I want to express that it could be that you believe you have no power over your life as it is, or you feel as though you can't control your life as it is right now. Either way, it still shows me, again in my opinion, that you need power to make yourself feel better.

As for you turning yourself into the police, I understand you're scared about telling people in real life, but understand, that you will receive counseling, be it in jail, or somewhere different? It's not up to you, to be totally truthful with you. It's up to the legal system, it's up to people out of your control. You're correct in stating that counselors and therapists, or any other professional person is mandated to report this kind of stuff, because that is within their scope of practice. It doesn't mean, however, that you can not talk with them about it. Why? Because it will be a way of you getting the help you need and deserve. The girl you tried apologizing to? She probably didn't want to hear it from you, and you turned around on her once more. You overpowered her, which as I'd imagine, is an adrenaline rush for you. I understand that rape is an addiction, but as I've said before, not for the pleasure, for the power. You've probably made her so numb to you, she expects to be abused from you.

"I just had to take the chance to do it again(I've used her a couple of times and now she doesn't seem to care)" Let me tell you, from someone that has been abused, she cares. She cares so much that she's numb to it when you do it to her, because she knows that's all she's going to get from you. When a person is raped, as Spazola has said, it puts you through a lot of things such as flashbacks, body image, pain, etc. It hurts you, breaks you down, kills you, and leaves you alone in the darkness to deal with it.

If you wish to get help, then get help. No matter how small the flame is, it will grow, and your need to get help will be drowned until you're driven by your desire, and there is no light to guide you to help anymore. Your lips are sewn shut by your desire, and you will not be able to say, "I need this help. I can't stop." Please don't do that to yourself. I understand, and know, just how hard it can be to deal with something as this. I understand, and know, what it's like to be on the other side of this. More importantly, I understand, and know, what it's like to be scared. It's okay to be mixed about this. It's okay to be confused. But please don't let this darker side of you win. Other people don't deserve to go through what you've put this people through, and you don't deserve to put other people through this kind of thing.

I would like to add a little something in here, when you said about the how you talked to the gurl you did it to multiple times, you said that, "She knows I'm not gonna stop and just do it to her again next chance I get and she doesn't care what I do anymore cause she's used to it," She's not used to it. It goes back to what I was saying, about how people will never be used to this kind of treatment, this kind of pain that you put them through. Like Steph said, don't let her withdrawing words keep you from getting the help you need, you desire, and deserve, because you can't go on being a rapist all of your life. They get caught eventually, and that day will be a bittersweet day for you. Bitter, because you won't have that access to power any more, but sweet, because you'll realize two things. You're getting the help you need, and you'll realize this: I can't hurt these people any more, and they can move on with their lives.

Furthermore, if counseling doesn't work for you face to face, how about online? How about something different to try? I don't know how well this will work for you, but I assume it's worth a shot? Try this: Online Hotline

It's from Rainn. It's an online hotline for those that have been abused, I don't know if this will work for those that are doing the abusing, but what you can do is ask someone from the hotline themselves, and they will either talk with you or point you in the right direction. It's completely online, and anonymous in an instant messaging format.

I want to end this with a statement, one that I would like you to think about.

Think about being on the other end of this, how it would feel to have done to you what you've been doing to these girls. You may not care, you may not feel a thing, but I want to suggest you think long and hard about this; this is your life. This is your future, unless you decide to change it.

I hope you change it for the better.

Best of luck.

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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 2nd 2009, 01:15 AM

i hear that you are reluctant to seek help/treatment because some part of you really does not want to stop. as destructive and hurtful (to your victims and to yourself) as your behavior is, we have to keep in mind that humans don't usually keep up a destructive behavior unless they have something to gain from it. likewise, we don't usually change our behavior for the long term unless we find we gain something by the change. since you already have a habit of committing rape, i suspect it will take some serious time and work to make a long term change. to work up the willingness to do that, here are some things you might think about, things that would be gained by changing your behavior:
-you will have more self-respect
-you will not have to keep secrets or worry about victims bringing out the truth because there will be no more victims
-your emotions and urges will no longer seem out of your control, you will be more at peace
-with time, you will have the opportunity for healthy, loving sexual relationships that you could never have when rape is on your mind, and being sexual with someone you love and trust is truly an amazing feeling.

We want you to seek some kind of professional help, that is obvious. We don't want you to hurt anyone else. but its also important for you to realize that we are not asking you to give up satisfaction, enjoyment, or sexuality. I honestly think you will feel better about yourself, and any respectful sexual relationships you might have, after working through this problem. It is something you will need help and support with.

the above idea about talking to a counselor about your emotions/urges without admitting to any crimes is a good one to consider. i beg you to think about this seriously.
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 2nd 2009, 01:39 PM

Hi. It is really good you know you have a problem and that your trying to stop. I know saying sorry to them is hard but it's the right thing to do. You may find it nice and enjoy it but think of the girls. Imagine your them. It ruins lives, my cousin commited sucide because someone raped her lots. I don't mean to be harsh but you have to know. If you carry on:
These girls will die
No-one can stop them. Only you.
Think of it this way, if you go to the police, they will give you help. You may not even go to prison because you admitted it. But if you carry on, the girls will tell and you will definatly go to prison then.
If you don't want to go to the police talk to a friend. Stay away from the girls and if you feel the urge do something else, play music. Learn to do something, e.g skateboard tricks or play an insturment. So if you feel the urge just do that instead. Read some stories on here, you are making girls feel like this. They could die.
At the end of the day it's your choice. We can't save them. Only you can save them from what you've made them.


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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 2nd 2009, 05:54 PM

My best friend was raped. It didn't happen to me directly, so I can't describe the affects of actions such as yours as well as others can, but I can tell you about my friend. Molly was the most amazing, beautiful person I'd ever met, and this guy destroyed her. Even years after she still struggles with it, in fact it almost took her life.

Let me ask you something, would you be okay with killing someone? Because that is what you are doing to these girls. I know it's hard, and I know you are feeling so lost and confused and afraid, but right now you have an opportunity to DO something about it.

Don't miss this chance to change your life, and to change the lives of all those that you have wounded. You're afraid for the affects it will have on your life? I can understand that and obviously your actions will have consequences. But right now you have a chance to turn it around, to get help before you do something even worse.

Imagine what your life would be like if you turned yourself in for help at the very beginning of feeling as if you wanted to rape someone. Imagine that. There would be five girls with a lot better lives and a lot less consequences for you.

I urge you, act now. Talk to the police, a counselor, turn yourself in. Find it with in yourself to recover, and to do the right thing. I believe you can, I really do.




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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 3rd 2009, 05:03 AM

I keep looking at this thread wanting to say something, but not knowing how to say it without getting banned.
I am going to try though:

Quote:
Originally Posted by UltimateCheeseBurger View Post
ok,i cant get pro help yet and tell my parents and turning myself in is not an option...

i talked 2 of the girls and they look uncomfortable,i did it outside class,i didnt really mention it but i hinted it and appologized and they didnt respond much but were ok...but i dont like talking to them cause when i do i just wanna like drag her somewhere and do things..

i also talked to the one i mentioned last time and it went...ok i guess

i hate appologizing knowing i might just do it again...
You say you can't get professional help, nor can you tell your parents. This is because you will be ashamed and embarrassed, right? those two emotions are nothing compared to the putrid mire of feelings that the victims of your crimes are feeling and will continue to feel forever.

you think you will probably rape these girls again. If you keep thinking about "how good it felt" even when contemplating how much you have hurt them, then it is clear to me that if you don't seek help (from a professional) or turn yourself in, then you will likely continue to commit the most heinous crime there is. you need to keep yourself from hurting these people.
imagine if someone did these horrible things to your sister or mother or aunt or cousin or friend.
Turn yourself in before you hurt these poor girls more or move on to new victims.



PM me any time, ok? I'm always here to help.



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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 3rd 2009, 07:33 AM

My honest opinion (excuse me if it's rude):
What kind of help are you truly looking for? None of us can make the decision for you to stop all of this - only you can. No one can completely persuade you to stop doing what you are doing, only you can make yourself stop. You can simply apologize, and go on with your life, constantly worried you might rape someone else. Or, you can put what might happen to you if you tell your parents aside, and think about what might happen to someone else if you don't. Which is more important to you? What happens to you, or what happens to the the next person you rape? Think about them for a minute, instead of yourself. Think about the emotional toll what you're doing will have on them for the rest of their lives. And think about how simply speaking up and telling someone about this could save someone from what you've been doing. You have to take responsibility, and get help. Otherwise, in all honestly, you deserve every single thing you're feeling right now.






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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 3rd 2009, 08:43 AM

What is behind the urge to rape? Think about it. Often rapists have suffered physical or sexual abuse themselves. Is that you? Have you ever been through something particularly upsetting or traumatic? Think about it..

If you can figure out what is causing you to do this then you could talk to a psychologist about those feelings and sort them out, which would possibly solve the issue without you having to admit what you've done.

Another thing, because you are underage and because you'd be confessing to your crimes I highly doubt you'd get a lot of time in jail (if any). I don't know where you live so you'd have to check out the exact laws and such there, but my bet is you'd be sent to a psychiatric institute for awhile. I know in Canada at least they emphasize rehabilitation over punishment, especially for youth.


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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 4th 2009, 11:09 PM

Hey Ultimate...
any updates for us? did you decide to come clean?



PM me any time, ok? I'm always here to help.



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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 7th 2009, 09:10 AM

ok,i talked to the counsolor but said way to much,i said it was a girl at the school and he asked who so i gave the name so he asked me about her;i said we still talk like normal and stuff so he called her up(uh...can he do this?)she came up and the cousolor talked to both of us and the weird thing is,she denied it...she said she didnt remember and it was a crazy night and i felt so retarded...

after i asked her and she said im stupid for telling and forget it

the counsolor wants me again...ugh -_-
   
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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 7th 2009, 07:48 PM

Hey,

Because this is a school counselor and not a registered psychologist I do not know if they are bound by the same oath of confidentiality. That is why if you want something kept secret it is important to ask what the boundaries of what you can say are. I think it was unprofessional to speak to both of you together about this. The girl was obviously intimidated by the situation. I am very proud of you for speaking to the counselor about something that is understandably hard to talk about. However, I think it would be a good idea to talk to someone more professionally qualified to help you. You've already made one big step towards helping yourself so why not make another? You are on the right track so don't stop now. It might be a good idea to talk to your school counselor about the possibility of you starting therapy. They could give you tips on how to propose the idea to your parents. While it would be best to be completely honest with your parents about what is going on, that isn't mandatory. You can simply tell them that you are having trouble dealing with a few issues and you'd like to talk to a therapist about it. If they press further and want details you can tell them you aren't comfortable talking with them and that's why you want to go to therapy. However, if they insist on knowing just let them know that something has been going on that has been causing you a considerable amount of stress so you want to try to fix that problem. Talking to parents about this can be a little nerve wracking. If you can't bring yourself to talk to them then you could try writing them a letter or e-mail requesting to go to therapy. Talking to someone about what is going on is important. I am sure many people around you would like to help you. However, they can't really do much if they have no idea what is going on. Additionally, it is important to find out why you are engaging in this type of behavior. A therapist can help you find an answer to that question as well as help you discover alternative ways to deal with your emotions. I applaud your efforts on getting help and wish you the best of luck in leaving these types of actions behind. Acting like that isn't going to make anyone happy. Take care and stay strong.


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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 10th 2009, 04:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassago View Post
I want to start this by saying this: I'm going to do this calmly, and try and work through all of your posts in a chronological manner so that it makes sense to us both, as well as those reading this post.

I want to start this off, once more, by saying, as many of these other posters have said, that rape is not okay. I can tell you feel as though it's not okay because of the mixed feelings you've been feeling, and present as you post. You say you've raped five girls. You say it feels amazing, and you say that afterward you feel like crap and you can't stop thinking about the girl that you did this to. I want to tell you something I've learned through an experience of my own, and that is this: Rape is not about pleasure. It's about power over one person. Now, in my opinion, I want to express that it could be that you believe you have no power over your life as it is, or you feel as though you can't control your life as it is right now. Either way, it still shows me, again in my opinion, that you need power to make yourself feel better.

As for you turning yourself into the police, I understand you're scared about telling people in real life, but understand, that you will receive counseling, be it in jail, or somewhere different? It's not up to you, to be totally truthful with you. It's up to the legal system, it's up to people out of your control. You're correct in stating that counselors and therapists, or any other professional person is mandated to report this kind of stuff, because that is within their scope of practice. It doesn't mean, however, that you can not talk with them about it. Why? Because it will be a way of you getting the help you need and deserve. The girl you tried apologizing to? She probably didn't want to hear it from you, and you turned around on her once more. You overpowered her, which as I'd imagine, is an adrenaline rush for you. I understand that rape is an addiction, but as I've said before, not for the pleasure, for the power. You've probably made her so numb to you, she expects to be abused from you.

"I just had to take the chance to do it again(I've used her a couple of times and now she doesn't seem to care)" Let me tell you, from someone that has been abused, she cares. She cares so much that she's numb to it when you do it to her, because she knows that's all she's going to get from you. When a person is raped, as Spazola has said, it puts you through a lot of things such as flashbacks, body image, pain, etc. It hurts you, breaks you down, kills you, and leaves you alone in the darkness to deal with it.

If you wish to get help, then get help. No matter how small the flame is, it will grow, and your need to get help will be drowned until you're driven by your desire, and there is no light to guide you to help anymore. Your lips are sewn shut by your desire, and you will not be able to say, "I need this help. I can't stop." Please don't do that to yourself. I understand, and know, just how hard it can be to deal with something as this. I understand, and know, what it's like to be on the other side of this. More importantly, I understand, and know, what it's like to be scared. It's okay to be mixed about this. It's okay to be confused. But please don't let this darker side of you win. Other people don't deserve to go through what you've put this people through, and you don't deserve to put other people through this kind of thing.

I would like to add a little something in here, when you said about the how you talked to the gurl you did it to multiple times, you said that, "She knows I'm not gonna stop and just do it to her again next chance I get and she doesn't care what I do anymore cause she's used to it," She's not used to it. It goes back to what I was saying, about how people will never be used to this kind of treatment, this kind of pain that you put them through. Like Steph said, don't let her withdrawing words keep you from getting the help you need, you desire, and deserve, because you can't go on being a rapist all of your life. They get caught eventually, and that day will be a bittersweet day for you. Bitter, because you won't have that access to power any more, but sweet, because you'll realize two things. You're getting the help you need, and you'll realize this: I can't hurt these people any more, and they can move on with their lives.

Furthermore, if counseling doesn't work for you face to face, how about online? How about something different to try? I don't know how well this will work for you, but I assume it's worth a shot? Try this: Online Hotline

It's from Rainn. It's an online hotline for those that have been abused, I don't know if this will work for those that are doing the abusing, but what you can do is ask someone from the hotline themselves, and they will either talk with you or point you in the right direction. It's completely online, and anonymous in an instant messaging format.

I want to end this with a statement, one that I would like you to think about.

Think about being on the other end of this, how it would feel to have done to you what you've been doing to these girls. You may not care, you may not feel a thing, but I want to suggest you think long and hard about this; this is your life. This is your future, unless you decide to change it.

I hope you change it for the better.

Best of luck.

-Casper.



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Re: I'm a rapist... - May 11th 2009, 07:25 PM

It was definitely unprofessional for the counselor to bring the girl into session with you. I think its really important for you to talk to a therapist/psychologist about this. Congratulations for telling the truth. I'm sure that must have been very difficult, but its a big step. It will be easier the second time. Please get real help so that you and everyone around you can be safe. Good luck and keep us posted.
   
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