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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Starla Offline
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Was I sexually abused by my brother? - April 30th 2009, 08:57 PM

My older brother used to touch me and get me to touch him from a very young age. It literally didn't even occur to me until I was about 11 or 12 that what was happening was wrong because he'd always done it so it just seemed normal. Except we hid it from our parents. Once I got to the age where I realised it was wrong, I wanted him to stop, but he wouldn't. He assured me that it was 'normal' and he was just 'experimenting' and that he thought his friends probably did it with their sisters too. I didn't really believe this but I was scared if I told my parents I'd get into trouble and he would deny it or tell them I wanted him to do it to me and they would punish me for it. He was always violent towards me aswell and I knew he'd make my life hell if I said anything. Telling anyone was out of the question. So I never told my parents. I've never told anyone about it because I am so completely ashamed of it and at the age of 13 I still can't figure out if it was sexual abuse or not. He's two years older than me.

Last edited by Gaia; May 1st 2009 at 12:15 AM.
   
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Heathen Offline
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Re: Was I sexually abused by my brother? - April 30th 2009, 09:15 PM

I am sorry you had to go through this experience, Starla. Sexual abuse is never an easy thing to deal with, so if you ever need to talk to someone about it feel free to PM me.

There are a lot of definitions for sexual abuse, molestation, etc and the lines are often very fine. To some extent its not abnormal for little kids to go through a stage where they are fascinated with that area of the body, but it sounds like this was not the case with your brother because of how it continued and how he was violent about it and contiuned when you made clear you did not want to be touched that way. Because the definitions are so close together, I cannot tell you if it would be defined as sexual abuse. However, you were sexually violated in some way or another.

If you feel comfortable, I suggest talking to a counselor at school or another responsible adult about what is going on. They can help you out and help you process any feelings this may bring up. If not and you are too scared, I still suggest you keep talking to us here on TH or other friends, because its important to let others know what is going on with you. This is a traumatic experience, and you neednt deal with it alone.

Take care, Starla. My pm box is always open.



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Re: Was I sexually abused by my brother? - April 30th 2009, 09:42 PM

Hey sweetie
Do not be ashamed at all, it was sexual abuse. Its not your fault.
My brothers best friend did the same thing to me from 6-8. He said it was normal and when he used to hang out with my brother, hed be friendly and then be rude and mean to me. I grew up thinking it was normal.


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Re: Was I sexually abused by my brother? - April 30th 2009, 10:46 PM

Whenever you guys were young, it's somewhat natural to have a fascination about your bodies. It is sexual abuse, but just like you didn't realize it until years later, he probably didn't even know what he was doing exactly at the time. Now that the two of you are older and both of you realize it was wrong, he might be violent towards you because he feels guilty. Or, he may be abusive and need help. Either way, the abuse needs to end now, and if it continues, please don't be ashamed and tell someone.
   
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Re: Was I sexually abused by my brother? - May 1st 2009, 12:14 AM

It is sexual abuse, and as such I'm moving it to rape and abuse, and marking the thread as triggering, just in case.
Have you considered talking to people about it? I know he's your brother, but acts like this should not go unpunished.
Lou.


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Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

~ The Buddha

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Re: Was I sexually abused by my brother? - May 1st 2009, 12:57 AM

I went through the same thing. It didn't happen for long, but it still carries with you. It happened when I was in third grade and I am so ashamed by it. It was abuse. You were young and taken advantage of. However, you know right from wrong now. And that's all that matters. Don't feel bad about it, it's not your fault. Just move on and forget about it. It's in the past.

Best wishes,
Megan


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Re: Was I sexually abused by my brother? - May 1st 2009, 01:42 AM

That is both emotional and physical abuse. He made you feel trapped in the situation and took advantage of your age, as well. I'm truly sorry that you had to go through this, and I assure that if you tell your parents the full story, they'll know that it's not your fault. And I suggest doing that, because it's situations like these that you just have to get out of. It's not healthy, and it's certainly not fair.

Take care.
   
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