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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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CanadaCraig Offline
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If you were abused in some way.... - May 2nd 2009, 11:25 AM

Hi Everyone!!

I hope you're having a super duper dandy day!!

My AGE has given me the advantage of being able to see some 'things' more clearly. And one of those 'things' has to do with how unfair we often are to OURSELVES. And this is especially true whenever we try to make sense of an unpleasant 'event' [Or 'way of life'] that we had gone through in our past.

For example....

If you were abused in some way when you were a child - that abuse was being understood by you AS a child. And if you are now 15 years old [Or 50 years old] it is UNFAIR of you to try to apply your 'adult logic' [Or your 'more mature you' logic] to what you went through as a child. But we do that all the time. And we have no right to do that. But worse than that - we often shame the child we once were - and blame them for 'things' that are NOT THEIR FAULT. "I [meaning ME when was a child] should have known better!!" Or "I [meaning ME when I was a child] should have STOPPED the abuse or kept it from happening!!" [And so on]

A child is - by his or her very nature - almost completely self-absorbed. [And that includes you and me when WE were a child] It would stand to reason then - that if something bad happens TO that child [TO US - when WE were a child] it MUST BE THEIR FAULT. They MUST have 'asked for it' or 'caused it to happen'. But that's not true. But there is no other way for a child to interpret it. When the world revolves around you - of course you assume responsibility for whatever happens. To a child - how could that NOT be true?! A child almost always assumes that he or she is responsible if his or her parents are drinking or doing drugs or fighting or if they separate and/or get a divorce. A child almost always assumes that he or she is responsible [And MUST have done SOMETHING WRONG] IF they were abandoned and/or given up for adoption. [How could it NOT be my fault - says the logic of a child] A child also almost always assumes that he or she is responsible if they are abused in some way. [Mentally and/or physically and/or sexually] So it's no wonder that as we get older - we STILL feel responsible. And that is because we have failed in OUR responsibility [As an adult or as a more mature person] to let that child [That child that we once were] KNOW that they were NOT responsible for what happened around them and/or TO them. And until we live up to that responsibility - that child will NEVER be at peace. He or she will ALWAYS be waiting for us to love them enough to take them by the hand and let them know the TRUTH. We must let our child KNOW that they are loved and that we do NOT blame them for ANYTHING. And YOU MUST also let them know that it's OK for THEM to let YOU get on with the job of living. And YOUR child will ONLY allow that to happen IF YOU are willing to reassure THEM that THEY will NOT be abandoned by YOU. [Think about that for a minute or two]

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fallen fairy Offline
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Re: If you were abused in some way.... - May 2nd 2009, 11:36 AM

craig, i love your posts like this they are always soo to the point and so right, so thanks for telling us all and for i suppose putting it into perspective

i suppose sometimes your "inner child" needs to get told that they world doesn't revolve around them lol
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Re: If you were abused in some way.... - May 2nd 2009, 11:51 AM

Lovely post, Craig. Thanks for posting!

Since this is such great encouragement and advice for those who are struggling or have struggled with any form of abuse, and I know people will definitely take into account what you have to say, I'm going to move this to Rape and Abuse. I think frequent followers of that forum will benefit more from it. [: Thanks again for the post!

PS: Welcome back to staff. ^^

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SimplyComplex Offline
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Re: If you were abused in some way.... - May 2nd 2009, 03:36 PM

I thought this was good to know and helpful to read. Even if someone already knows these things, it's good to read from someone else and it's a nice encouragement. We need things like this in this forum. Thanks :]

01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
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VanishingActs Offline
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Re: If you were abused in some way.... - May 2nd 2009, 04:23 PM

Great post, Craig Thanks for sharing that with us

I hope you are okies and welcome back to the pink team!

Take care,

Live on love.
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