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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Popo Offline
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My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 3rd 2009, 11:47 PM

My two best friends, who I've been with for about 5-6 years now, are abusing a girl. She used to be dating one of them. When they broke up, he got over her, but she didn't get over him. I'll admit, she's a bit too obsessed with him, but my friends are teasing her, calling her terrible names, telling her to go kill herself, threatening to hurt her, etc. They ruined my weekend because of it. I was so pissed at them that I almost got up and left, and would've if my two most valuable possessions weren't there.

I know her, but not well enough to talk to her about this, and I won't yell at my friends. I don't know what to do. I understand that my friend wants nothing to do with her, but he doesn't have to be such a dick about it. And my other friend (the one that didn't date her) is only like that when my best friend's around him.
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Re: My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 4th 2009, 12:00 AM

Maybe you should try talking to them about it and telling them how you feel. If they really are your best friends they will value your opinion and recognize that it's bothering you.

What they are doing isn't right at all, if she bothers them then they should politely tell her to keep her distance seeing as how your friend isn't interested in her anymore. Even though it may seem like she is "obsessed", there are nicer ways of getting your message across without teasing her or telling her to go kill herself.

So my best advice would be just to sit them down and have an actual conversation about it. It might be hard at first, but communication is key.


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Re: My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 4th 2009, 12:08 AM

Sitting down with them would most likely produce a conversation like the following:

Me: (Something about being nicer to her, or leaving her alone)
Either of them: "No dude, she calls/texts/talks to him like every day"
The other one: Yeah, She's obsessed, and it's pissing me off.
*This would probably continue for a long time*

And then, I'd agree to shut them up, or disagree, starting the whole thing over.
Either way, they'd get angry at me for sticking up for her.
I'll just talk to her about it sometime. And if either of them actually hit her, I'm going to hurt them severely, or stop talking to them for good. They're my best friends, but any male That hits a female needs to be beaten within an inch of his life, unless in self defence.
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Re: My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 4th 2009, 01:41 AM

I know they are your friends so you don't want to be confrontational, but do you really want to be friends with people who do this shit?? you need to just tell them how you feel. when they say the bs about how she's obsessed, tell them that they need to handle the situation in a more mature way. tell him to calmly and politely tell her he's not interested and ask her to leave it at that. what he is doing is cruel and is probably even prolonging the whole situation. he needs to grow up and quit acting like a child and you need to stand up and tell him.



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Re: My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 4th 2009, 02:19 AM

I can't bring myself to stand up to him. He's my best friend. We're like brothers. On the other hand, I can't stand him being like this, and I care about her. Damnit, I wish I wasn't so caring.
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Re: My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 4th 2009, 02:24 AM

If you are that close, you shouldn't feel burdened by standing up to him. I argue with my best friend more than anyone else on earth, this is exactly why I love him. You should try to help him, regardless of his feelings on the matter. Although obsessive girlfriends are quite annoying, so you should take that into consideration. There's no reason to be "abusive", but he's allowed to honestly tell her: "F*** off, leave me alone". It might not be too nice, but hey, it should work. I'm sure she's perfectly harmless, abusive behaviour shouldn't be necessary. :/
   
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Re: My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 4th 2009, 03:01 AM

I'm kind of confused why you aren't stepping up to the plate and fixing this?

If she is as obsessive as you say - she may actually decide to kill herself.

You have the ability to help and...you are not? Personal opinion: Stop standing on the side lines and waiting for stuff to go down a path it it cannot backtrack.

These guys are your friends, I get that. But just because they are your buds doesn't mean they should get away with stuff. Stopping this is helping everyone - teaching your friends to be better people and such.

P.S. you should want to be around better people. Just sayin'.


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Re: My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 4th 2009, 04:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whaaatever View Post
If you are that close, you shouldn't feel burdened by standing up to him. I argue with my best friend more than anyone else on earth, this is exactly why I love him. You should try to help him, regardless of his feelings on the matter. Although obsessive girlfriends are quite annoying, so you should take that into consideration. There's no reason to be "abusive", but he's allowed to honestly tell her: "F*** off, leave me alone". It might not be too nice, but hey, it should work. I'm sure she's perfectly harmless, abusive behaviour shouldn't be necessary. :/
exactly!
part of being someone's friend is letting them know when they are being a jerk...



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Re: My two best friends are abusing someone.. - May 4th 2009, 04:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Popo View Post
Sitting down with them would most likely produce a conversation like the following:

Me: (Something about being nicer to her, or leaving her alone)
Either of them: "No dude, she calls/texts/talks to him like every day"
The other one: Yeah, She's obsessed, and it's pissing me off.
*This would probably continue for a long time*

And then, I'd agree to shut them up, or disagree, starting the whole thing over.
Either way, they'd get angry at me for sticking up for her.
I'll just talk to her about it sometime. And if either of them actually hit her, I'm going to hurt them severely, or stop talking to them for good. They're my best friends, but any male That hits a female needs to be beaten within an inch of his life, unless in self defence.

Just wanted to point out, you have a problem with them hitting her, but you aren't so drastically affected by this verbal abuse? I know it seems different, but if she really cares about him or thinks she cares about him, those words probably hurt as much as anything physical he could do ever would. I understand this is a really hard spot, but you need to stand up for what you believe in and all you know? I guess the thing is, you need to just tell them how it iws you feel and stay your ground. What happens if they got into something really bad, committed a crime, robbed a store or something. I'm not in any way trying to imply they would do that, I don't know them, I'm just saying, if you don't stand up for yourself now, you're just going to get taken along for the ride in anything else that happens, right?


~Cody

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