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itsasher Offline
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Name: Asher
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I need some advice - August 6th 2014, 11:01 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

When I was 7 I had a babysitter that would watch me after school. He had been a really good family friend for years, and I really liked being with him. Life was good and I was happy until things changed between me and him. He picked me up from school one day and took me home with him. As soon as we got there he immediately took me to his room, threw me down on his bed, and pulled my pants off. I spent the next two hours screaming, crying, and wishing it would stop. After he finished he told me if I ever told anyone about what happened he would kill me and my family. The next day he disappeared and we never saw him again. I never told anybody about what happened because I was afraid he would come back again.

So I guess I'm posting this because lately I've been having really bad flashbacks and nightmares and I'm wondering if they will stop or what I can do to get through these horrible memories
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cynefin Offline
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Re: I need some advice - August 6th 2014, 01:02 PM

Hi Asher,

I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you. Remember that this isn't your fault and the person that is in the wrong is the person that did this to you. Abusers use threats like the one said to you to lure children to keep quiet. They thrive the most off of silence from the children they abuse.

Although memories are tough to go through they are essential for you to heal. It's important to get the flashbacks and feelings associated with your abuse out in the open so you can heal from them. When you get a flashback or memory, try to ground yourself. Things like walking, stomping your feet, or chewing gum will help with that. I find that holding a conversation with someone helps as well. Also, you can watch TV or read a book so if you dissociate, you get 'lost' in something safe. Telling yourself that you are in the present and writing what you are doing. This would be mine: It is Wednesday, 8:55AM and I am on my bed, listening to music and on TeenHelp.

As for nightmares, I think what you do before you fall asleep and after you wake up can offer you some comfort. If you have a childhood toy that is not triggering you can keep this in your bed with you. You can also sleep with the lights dimmed or a lamp on. Try to do something calming, like listening to light or classical music before you sleep; nature sounds are options too. You can take deep breaths and count up to thirty of them and you should fall asleep while counting them.

You said you've never talked about this for fear that this man will come back and his return is highly unlikely. He probably will not want to see you for fear of being found out. I think you should take telling someone into consideration so you can see a professional that specializes in abuse. Professionals are in that profession for a reason, that being that they want to help others. If you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone in your life right now here is a list of hotlines.

Feel free to message me if you need anything!

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