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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Years ago - May 7th 2009, 08:09 AM

So I used to live in a different state. I moved to this one in 2000, so in the one I was born in, I was there from ages 0 to about 7 or 8.
I do not remember my age, but my mom had this bf.
I only remember 2 times of when he did something to me. May have been more and I just blocked them out, but I'm not sure.
One thing I remember was being on the couch with him. I was sitting next to him and he made me give him a handjob. There were cartoons on the tv. He then switched it to a porn where a chick was sucking this guy. He told me he wanted me to do that and then he'd put it back on the cartoons. I was scared to and didn't. he eventually just switched it back.
Another thing I remember is being in the bedroom with him. He made me lay on the bed. I do not remember if my pants were on or off, but I think he rubbed against me. I also remember the room. I was white and there was a tv in the corner. When that was happening, there was also this pron on. I think it was some girl saying that a dick tastes like chocolate.
I do not remember what he looked like. I remember his house. I remember some other things about staying over there.
The thing is, am I remembering right? I mean... why would I make somethign like that up?
I am not sure if this has somehow affected me, like subcounciously.
When a guy likes me, I like want to be with him and make him happy.
But sex hasn't really been too great for me. It may be because the few people I have done it with were just using me. But I haven't really enjoyed it.
So I was wondering if abuse from like, over ten years ago that I barely remember could still be affecting me even if I don't think about it often?
   
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Re: Years ago - May 7th 2009, 08:55 PM

Heather,

I'm sorry things are all coming to your memory so fast. It's overwhelming to handle at any point in your life. Though, I do believe knowing is better than not knowing. This allows us to be properly helped and treated. I say treated because problems often form from sexual abuse. Whether it be fear of men or anxiety, sometimes the memories don't leave. We don't just need to cope with the physical affects from abuse, we need to make sure to heal any emotional or mental scars left behind. It all depends on the person. You are very strong for coming out and talking about this.

As for your question, though I am not a doctor, I would have to say the past can affect your future. At least, in this case it can. All our memories and thoughts etc...are divided into two separate categories. Well, at least without going into too much detail I will leave it at two. The categories are; conscious and subconscious. Our subconscious does a lot without us even wanting it too. It remembers and changes our thoughts without us consciously knowing about it. Subconsciously, you might remember the abuse. It's very possible that at the current time, it was too traumatic for you to handle. So, in cases like that, the brain blocks out the bad. This way, keeping you physically safe from your bodies own reactions to the abuse. It isn't uncommon for you to remember these events later on in life. You're probably mature enough that coping with the abuse is possible now, more so than it was before.

It might not affect you directly, but it can answer some problems that went previously unanswered. I know randomly remembering things like this is no less than difficult for you or anyone. However, don't convince yourself to be lying just yet. It's probably scary, remembering something that you were never aware of until now. Things might change a little bit. Your thoughts might change. You can very possibly begin to remember more in detail. Even with all these changes, don't give up. Don't lose your goals and your spirit. It isn't easy-coping with any memories of abuse. But it's worth it and possible.

With saying that, I advise you talk to someone you trust. If, by chance, you do begin to remember more, having someone to open up to is crucial. Holding any of this in isn't healthy and it won't help you with memories. Talking about this and being open to those you trust is a main activity involved with healing the past and pushing to the future. That's the goal after abuse. It isn't to forget or pretend nothing happened. You'll never forget and it's possible you'll always be affected. However, we need to learn to cope and move on. We need to talk and understand our thoughts and actions in order to continue living life in a healthy way. If we don't, we're letting the abuser win. If this did happen, don't let the man take away your right to be free. Because you are free and you are strong and you can get through anything.

Even if you aren't absolutely positive the abuse happened, open up about the dreams. Try making a dream journal. This way, when you wake up each day, you can record the bits you remember. Then, you can discuss the feelings you have with someone you trust. It can even be a counselor if you'd like. Whoever you'd feel most comfortable with. I do suggest talking to a professional at some point though, they can help you more so that anyone unprofessional.

Take care of yourself, please. Also, welcome to Teen Help. I hope you stick around with us and if not, I hope things get better with you.

~Stay strong and have faith.


01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
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Re: Years ago - May 7th 2009, 09:18 PM

I have someone I can talk to. She's helping me because right now I am getting really sad often and self harming.
She's worried already, but I think when I see her I will tell.
I've never really told anyone. Only time I did was when I opened up to my friend. But we were both high at the time, so no help there.
I just want to stop feeling sad so much, so I'm trying to open up about everything. It's going to be way harder to say all that in person though.
   
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Re: Years ago - May 7th 2009, 09:47 PM

You're right, it will be harder in person. I can't lie or tell you it gets easier. But, I know it will be worth it. Keep in mind what coming out means. Coming out means lifting the weight. It means a chance to move on, a chance to have someone to always talk to and maybe make the sadness go away. If this is affecting you so much, telling is the only thing I suggest. Holding it in won't get you anywhere good fast. If you're uncomfortable with bringing it up in person, you can try writing a letter. You might even want to try writing an email to send and then meet your friend later to discuss the rest. This is all up to you. Do what make you most comfortable. There will always be a little discomfort, but it should be expected. Just don't let the discomfort ruin the motivation you have to talk with someone.


01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Years ago - May 8th 2009, 07:58 AM

That isn't all that's affecting me.
But I was thinking it could be one reason. So I dunno.
   
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Re: Years ago - May 9th 2009, 02:36 AM

It certainly is possible that it isn't even affecting you. But, why take the chance? It could become a problem in the future. So, if you can confront this now, it might make things easier in the future. I hope you know, that whatever else is bother you, you have a whole site her to vent to. :] We'll do our best.


01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
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