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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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lanfear Offline
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Was I raped? How do I forgive myself? - May 9th 2009, 06:56 PM

I'm really confused right now and just hoping someone who has been where I am can help me out. I have a friend that I occasionally make out with and such, but that's all it's ever been. I went to his place last night and he had been drinking and things went further. We were dry humping and then he asked me if I wanted the real thing. I told him no. We continued just doing what we were doing but then he would try to put it in and I would pull away. Eventually he succeeded and it hurt (I'd never had sex). I didn't know what to do. I just stopped trying to fight it even though I didn't really want to do it. I know I could've stopped it if I'd tried, but I didn't.

I don't feel like I can call it rape because I did nothing to stop it and I know I could've. And it's not like he was a jerk about it, he was asking me how I felt afterwards but I was so freaked out I really couldn't answer. I'm not mad at him and would have no desire to press charges even if it were considered rape. I'm not worried about being prengant - I'm on the pill and he never came (because he was drunk). I'm just mad at myself for not being stronger, for not continuing to say no or physically pushing him off of me and leaving. I feel like I need to talk about it, but I'm afraid to tell any of my friends. If I say 'rape' anyone I know would freak out and want me to report it, which I don't want to do. So I guess I'm just trying to figure out if it really was rape and how to forgive myself for my stupid decision to even go over there in the first place and for not fighting. Any advice?
   
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Re: Was I raped? How do I forgive myself? - May 9th 2009, 08:43 PM

Im so sorry this happened to you. And please do not be mad at your self, it is not your fault. When people are in that situation a lot of people do not know what to do and they are scared to fight, so they dont. And you had told him no before and he did not listen, that is considered rape, and you absolutely do not need to report it.

I hope this helps and I would love to talk to you more because I have been in that situation and I know how you are feeling. So just PM me if you want. Id love to talk to you


-KP


Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

Always? Always.
   
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Ellie Offline
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Re: Was I raped? How do I forgive myself? - May 9th 2009, 10:34 PM

Hey there,

First of all I think you've been brave in posting, because it isn't easy to talk about such traumatic and personal experiences. From what you have said I would call it rape. You told him 'no', and as soon as those words leave your lips he should have listened, respected your decision and left things at that. You really don't have to be asking how to forgive yourself though. This is in no way your fault. You said no which is more than enough. What happened afterwards was his responsibility. He is the one who should have stopped when you told him no. It is your decision whether you report what happened or not, but what you do need to know is that it wasn't your fault and you certainly didn't do anything wrong.

Keep talking if you feel that it would help, you really don't have to be alone with any of this.
   
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Re: Was I raped? How do I forgive myself? - May 10th 2009, 06:07 AM

It wasn't your fault, you said NO! That means STOP, and he didn't! So, yes, that is rape.


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Shannon Offline
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Re: Was I raped? How do I forgive myself? - May 10th 2009, 04:21 PM

But you didn't consent, either. That counts as rape. It's your choice whether you want to go to the police or not, but maybe get some help or talk to someone, these things can be traumatizing even without us knowing it at the time.
   
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