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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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My emotional abuser says I abused them - December 1st 2015, 09:38 AM

Hi,
I was in a relationship a few months back with a girl (I'm a girl as well). Throughout our relationship, she was very emotionally abusive; insulting me, invalidating me, calling me names, ignoring me, manipulating me into staying when I tried to leave, even taking advantage of my weaknesses when I was really struggling with some things in my life to try and get pictures from me, among many other things. She's sexually harrassed me too. The other day I found out SHE was claiming I was abusive to HER, but I honestly can't think of a single instance where I was abusive. The worst thing I ever did to her was get defensive and act a bit withdrawn and annoyed when she was at the height of her abuse towards me. I never called her names, manipulated her, etc. Am I really abusive? Is this something that happens in abusive relationships? It's gotten me feeling very guilty and anxious even though I know deep down, I did nothing wrong...
   
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Re: My emotional abuser says I abused them - December 2nd 2015, 02:18 AM

Hey,

You didn't do anything wrong at all. This does happen in a lot of abusive situations. Abusers will try to make you look like the abuser when you just got a little upset and acted in defense to what they were doing. Abusers don't know or refuse to acknowledge that what they are doing is wrong, so they try to turn it the other way. I am glad that you know you did nothing wrong. Keep reminding yourself of this and don't let her make you think otherwise.

I'm assuming you no longer talk to her, which is good. The best thing to do in an abusive relationship is to cut all contact. Who did you hear this information from? Is it possible for you to ask people not to speak of her in front of you? Or, if they begin to talk about her, maybe you can find a reason to leave the conversation. It is extremely hard to recover when you're still around your abuser or hearing things about them and things like that don't need to be said in front of you.

That being said, people are going to think what they want to think in regards to your relationship. Just remember that you know the truth and no one can take that away from you.

Hang in there.


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