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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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abuse as a child? - December 19th 2015, 05:09 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is going to sound kind of weird. I have no memory of being abused, my childhood was okay. But every once in a while, I feel like something happened when I was young.
I hate physical attraction, when I was in like 2nd grade I would draw naked people, male and female, even thought I hadn't seen one before, I knew what it looked like. I made dolls have sex, before knowing what i was doing. I discovered porn and masturbation at a young age, again, without having any idea what it was. I get a heavy feeling whenever I remember one of my moms boyfriends when I was about 3. I remember the smell of cigarettes on his breath, his dark greasy hair, his big glasses. I remember things about his hoise, his water bed and a drawing of a boat that I would stare at. And I have these scars in my back, that I've had all of my life. 2 horizontal scars on my back. I asked my mom about the scars and she just brushed it aside saying that I probably tripped. But tripping, falling on my back and sliding to the side leaving 2 straight lines on my back? I might just be crazy, but I feel like it would make a lot of pieces fit together. My introverted self, shy, sensitive to the subject of sex, even though knowing a lot about it. Advice?? Similar situations??

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Re: abuse as a child? - December 20th 2015, 01:28 AM

Hey,

It's completely possible to forget your abuse. I was abused for a lot of my childhood but my brain didn't store the traumas correctly and as a result, I forgot pretty much all of it. Being assaulted one of the last times was the trigger that brought it back for me.

People who forget their abuse usually dissociate or mentally leave the abuse because they cannot physically escape. It is the body's way of numbing you to protect you from your surroundings and your memories usually do not get stored correctly as a result.

You have a lot of the signs of abuse and I think you probably were abused. I'm not a professional but that's my opinion. You knew things as a child that children shouldn't know, and don't know, unless they're exposed to sexual things. If you haven't remembered anything yet it is because your mind is not ready to show you and it is important to try not to force anything out. You will remember when your mind and body are ready for you to.

Feel free to PM me if you need anything.


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Re: abuse as a child? - December 20th 2015, 08:28 AM

I did the same - blocked it out. It wasnt till a few years ago I remembered things - I still rememember things I've blocked out now. It sounds like something did happen but only you will know if something did happen. If what you think happened was abuse then I'd say trust your instinct. Our instinct is like usually right somewhere along the way/lines.



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Re: abuse as a child? - December 20th 2015, 01:41 PM

It's possible you were abused. The signs are there: kids shouldn't know what naked people look like, they don't have their dolls act out sex, they don't look at porn. That would only be the case if they were exposed to sexual abuse at a young age. We can't say for sure you were abused, of course. I suggest not looking too much into it or trying to force your brain to recover the memories. It's blocked off for a reason, your brain is trying to protect you. Listen to it.
   
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Re: abuse as a child? - December 20th 2015, 05:40 PM

Thanks for the advice, just here recently I have been remembering random things from when I was young that has to do with this guy. It just has me a bit worried but also realizing where the pieces all fit in.
   
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Re: abuse as a child? - December 20th 2015, 05:47 PM

I've started to notice things about myself that aren't usually normal in people. I'm super mpdest, even at home. And with my boyfriend who constantly pressures me to have sex (I refuse) I found that I can't stand to be touched in a sexual way, it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm extremely introverted, I hate drawing attention to myself. Idk, ,as be I'm just over thinking this, but it's what my gut is telling me.
   
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Re: abuse as a child? - December 20th 2015, 07:01 PM

Since you said you're beginning to remember things that have to do with this guy, I think you should document them somewhere so you have them written down for future reference.

I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but always trust what your gut is telling you. One thing I learned in therapy is that your gut is usually right.


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Re: abuse as a child? - December 20th 2015, 07:35 PM

Hi there

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but glad you've come to us for some help and support.

Others have already given some great advice and I don't know how much more I can add but I want you to know that you wouldn't be the first person to experience this. Our brains can shut down, we can disassociate and our minds can play tricks on us because the brain cope cope with what has happened. While I can't say this is happening to you because I'm not a professional, it could be happening to us considering the experiences you're having.

I would write down anything you do remember like always suggested and maybe look into seeing your go and getting therapy or counselling to look into this further. You don't have too but it's just a suggestion. They may be able to help you figure things through a little bit and help you deal with the emotions and thoughts around this. But remember we're always here for you to talk to as well. You're never alone in this so keep fighting and don't give in. We're here to help you.

Hopes and wishes,
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