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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Oh, Bother Offline
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Is it worth reporting? - January 10th 2016, 08:56 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So this event that I'm going to be talking about happened a year ago. I was at a crisis residential treatment center there was this guy who really liked me and I guess I was flattered but I am a lesbian. Anyways he was always clingy we did kiss but I didn't like it. He was always telling me he pictured me naked and would masturbate in his room at the place. Anyways one day we were watching a movie and we were under a blanket and he started kissing my neck and I froze I didn't know what to say. Anyways then he started touching my boobs and then went under my pants and touched me and stuff. I just sat there frozen I never said yes or no. Anyways he took out his penis and he wanted me to lick it or whatever so I did but I didn't want to. The thing is I have been sexually abused three times before. One was my father and that just makes me freeze now when anything sexual happens. I don't know how to react and it's like I'm watching it happen.

Anyways was this my fault. Like did I let it happen. I just feel like I am now a target for sexual assault and everyone just can do whatever the fuck they want to me. Because sexual stuff makes me freeze and I have no clue how to react.

The reason I didn't tell the place is because they said if anything happened we would both be kicked out so I was scared.

I don't know what to do should I report? there probably not going to do anything because it was my fault.



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Re: Is it worth reporting? - January 11th 2016, 12:52 AM

It is never you're fault. Never. Never ever. If you dont say yes, then the answer is no. Do not let it go unreported.
   
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Re: Is it worth reporting? - January 11th 2016, 02:33 AM

The victim is never at fault for a sexual assault. You said you didn't say yes but you didn't say no either. Just because you didn't say no, doesn't mean you automatically said yes with the absence of that no. You never gave consent and what he did to you was wrong.

It is worth reporting but you have to ask yourself if you're ready for it. If you feel ready to report it, then I think you should. If not, give yourself a little more time. You have to do what you feel is best for you.


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Re: Is it worth reporting? - January 11th 2016, 09:44 AM

Adding on to the above, it's natural response to 'freeze' especially after being abused. A lot of people think 'fight or flight' but there is the freeze response too. It's not your fault at all, and it never is the victims fault either.

It is worth reporting, but do it when you feel ready. Rushing it wont be good for you, so take your time.


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Re: Is it worth reporting? - January 12th 2016, 12:26 AM

Yep. Report it.
   
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Re: Is it worth reporting? - January 12th 2016, 01:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassado View Post
The victim is never at fault for a sexual assault. You said you didn't say yes but you didn't say no either. Just because you didn't say no, doesn't mean you automatically said yes with the absence of that no. You never gave consent and what he did to you was wrong.

It is worth reporting but you have to ask yourself if you're ready for it. If you feel ready to report it, then I think you should. If not, give yourself a little more time. You have to do what you feel is best for you.
But it's happened so many times this was the fourth person who has sexually abused me so it must be. They most know Im a target and will just freeze and they can do whatever they wanr.



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Re: Is it worth reporting? - January 12th 2016, 01:54 AM

The people who have abused you have no way of knowing you were abused before unless you tell them, so they don't choose to harm you because you've been abused before and they think they can do what they want with you. Abusers pick the people they abuse for other reasons. Freezing during an assault doesn't mean they can do whatever they want with you. Your body is yours, anything non consensual is violating and freezing is a response you have. A lot of people have that response from past trauma but that doesn't make you or any other victim at fault.


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Re: Is it worth reporting? - January 12th 2016, 03:04 AM

I echo what the others have said,

It's not your fault. He was majorly in the wrong and shouldn't have acted that way. It's sick what he did.

You should report it, when you are ready.

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Re: Is it worth reporting? - January 13th 2016, 12:45 AM

Hey,

I want you to know that this was not your fault. I know that it might seem that way because you didn't say no but from the way you described it you did other things that indicated that you didn't want to. Body language can be an indication of whether or not a person wants to have sexual relations and I am guessing your body language and the fact that you froze was an indication that you did not want it.

Freezing is common for abuse victims. I know I freeze up when guys flirt with me or get to close. It triggers something and instead of fleeing the situation I stay there. I think it has to do with your old memories and feelings telling you that that is the best way to avoid harm. I know that seems odd but fighting back can sometimes be dangerous, you know.

Reporting it is entirely up to you. I think it would be worth reporting it but you need to be mentally prepared for it. You will be asked a lot of questions, some of the questions you are going to be asked might make you feel really badly or like you did something wrong. You also have to be ready for whatever outcome results. Either the person gets in trouble or the police don't have enough information to do anything about it. This happened to me when I reported my abuse and I was devastated. I fell into a downward spiral for a bit and was really angry. I wouldn't change reporting it for anything because I made my abusers aware that I wasn't gonna stay silent anymore, I fought back, but the outcome was a bit devastating.

Do what you feel is right for you. Maybe you could make a list of pros and cons and go from there.

You can get through this and please stop blaming yourself for this. The person that abused you is at fault.


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