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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - January 15th 2016, 05:05 AM

Hi
I am in university and live with a parent. Lately things have been awful with this parent while I was away on Christmas vacation visiting my dad I got a letter from my school and it said I am on academic probation. Which was like a punch to my stomach by it self. So I emailed my other parent. So when I got home we got in a massive fight over this. My parent was saying my feelings aren't true and i am not allowed to feel this way. I making excuses, THIS ISNT THE First TIME EITHER!!! So I got mad and said I wish I never told you which is still true. Then I ran to my room sobbing. After an half an hour my parent barges in my room calling me a baby and an embarrassment and that I never make it in life. All because I am feeling hurt, rejected, stressed and like the weight of the world is on my back then goes on to threaten not to pay for my second semester of college which would cause to have to drop out and get a job. And this parent knows that and keeps using it against me trying to control me. This threat just made everything worse I feel like if I don't do what this parent wants I will have to drop out of school. And I really don't want to, i made some big mistakes and I admit that and I take full responsibility. But this fight and threat is STILL causing me major anxiety,stress. This parent has still not said sorry for anything in this fight I am the only one who aploized. Because this parent did nothing wrong. This is what happens most of the Time which is a lot It has me really scared for my future. All that happened like 3 weeks ago.
So fast forward to today and the same parent still keeps threatening not to pay for my schooling I am trying to change and I have changed I got supports at school and I have a plan in place that for the most part agree on. but I still have this threat and weight hanging on and it's getting hard to deal with
This parent trying to force me to do certain things like where to volunteer but I wanna try something different and new and she just won't except that. This parent still thinks they did nothing wrong in that big fight we had.
I feel so hurt and flattened by it. I just don't know how I can get through to This parent I know I messed up and it's like This parent never wants to move on. Or let me forget about it This parent using it knowing how bad I feel to get me to do things there way.
And this parent loves to put me down or pick on me saying little insults that I can her but no one else could. Like how I ruined Christmas. Which also has happened a few times before.
This parent rarely listens to me about my feelings or opinion or ideas. It's been this way for awhile but now I am reaching my breaking point 😔😔😥😥😥
Especially with this threat that's hanging over me.
I really don't know what to do I can't move out or move in with another fAmily or friend. I am broke too. I am scared to tell my coucillor because she will want to bring this parent in and I know what will happen this parent will make it sound like they have done nothing wrong and I am the bad guy. Plus I get so scared and anxious that I never get everything I need to say out.
So is or could this be emotional abuse?????
I really need some help or support!!!!!!!!!!! I really don't know what to do or say.
PLEASE HELP!!!!!
I FEEL SO ALONE TO SCARED TO TELL ANYONE
   
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Re: Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - January 16th 2016, 06:05 AM

This sounds like emotional abuse to me. It sounds like the parent you're referring to doesn't take responsibility for their actions, and instead projects them onto other people. It definitely seems like they are using threats to manipulate you into doing what they want, rather than what you want or what you think is best to you.

It seems like you've tried to talk to this parent and I am proud of you for doing that, despite the fact that they don't listen. I know you said you don't want to tell your counselor about this but I definitely think you should consider it. It might help if your counselor brings this parent into a session, because then you can have a productive conversation and your counselor can act as a mediator. It's a safe way to have a conversation with your parent. Talking to your counselor about this will also serve as an outlet and it's important you don't keep things like this to yourself.

Maybe you can consider writing a letter to this parent so you can express everything you want to tell them. You don't have to send it to them, though. It might be therapeutic for you to find a safe way to destroy the letter after you write it.

In the meantime, consider creating a safe place so you have a place to yourself that you can practice self soothing techniques in and things like that. This article may help you out.

Hang in there.


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Re: Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - January 18th 2016, 04:51 AM

UDATED.....
It's getting worse and worse every day!!!!!!😣😡😣 I Mean sometimes I hear
I am seriously getting to the end of my rope!!!!! It's maddened I have enough stress and pressure and crap all on my know
nothing positive out of this parents voice plenty of negative
This parent is thinking that these little digs mutter so only I can hear it
Yesterday this parent told me that my words me nothing.... 😢😢😢😢😭
This parent as no intention of changing this parent still thinking that this whole fight is all my fault.
I try to tell this parent that not encourage this parent is and suddenly it's my fault for beating my self up.
THIS PARENT IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!!
   
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Re: Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - January 18th 2016, 04:30 PM

Your words do mean something. You should let your parent think the argument is your fault. You have the upper hand because you know the truth (that you're not at fault) and they are denying it. They aren't going to take responsibility for themselves, no matter how hard you try to get them to. Some people don't take any responsibility for their actions and your parent is one of those people. You can only control yourself and your parent can only control themselves, so you can't do anything to make them take responsibility, unfortunately.

I think you should avoid this parent whenever you can. It seems like they're looking to get a reaction from you by whispering things that only you can hear. By giving them a reaction, you are satisfying them. Don't let them win. Instead of giving them a reaction, ignore them, or kill them with kindness. You can consider putting earphones in when you're around your parent so you don't have to hear what they're saying. You can even put them on if you aren't playing music because it gives them the idea that you are.

Please consider telling your counselor about this. This is a lot for you to keep inside and it's unhealthy.


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Re: Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - January 25th 2016, 01:06 PM

It definitely sounds like emotional abuse to me. It sounds like you're going through a really hard time. Is there anyone outside of your home who you can talk to about this? Perhaps a guidance counselor at school. I don't know if they'll be able to offer any practical support but it can really help to talk to someone, and there might be things they can do, like advise you on financial support if your parent goes through with their threat.

You're in a really tough situation, but you are strong and you can survive


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Re: Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - January 26th 2016, 03:50 AM

I do have a councilor I see monthly. in fact I see her feb 5. I would love to see her more but do to money I cant.
there are councilors at my school but I have had bad experiences where I was in really bad shape and got sent down during a midterm exam and basically got turned away cause I didn't have an appointment. they wouldn't even write me a note. so I failed the midterm and since then I haven't stepped foot in there. plus I have major trust issues so I cant open up to just anyone.
I am going through a super rough time right now. this parent is still making me feel like shit.. Its gotten to a point where I don't wanna come home after school. I feel like I am a total failure. I gotten super close to self harm at times. there's no way my parent can find out because that would not end well. so basically I have been keeping all of this inside not telling anyone.
I am still really scared about telling my councilor this I just know she want to bring my parent in and that never ends well. I really don't know what I am going to do anymore... but this cant continue
   
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Re: Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - January 29th 2016, 09:50 PM

update
[b]HELP ME!!!!!
I really cant anymore!!!!!!!!!!
i am done i cant live like this anymore!!!!!
this parent wont stop making me feel like shit!!!!
this parent is throwing not paying and how they regret paying for my schooling!!!!
i honstety dont know what to do anymore!!!
i just cant live here anymore
i would rather live on the street then here
its a living hell right now!!
i have a serious case of strep throat right now and this parent could care less
i am in serious pain and this parent is just being horrilbe right now!!!!
i have missed a week of university cause of it and its like it doesnt matter!!!
i havent slept good in a week so i am beyhond exhusted right now!!
i am so close to cutting again and i have started to think that being dead as too be better!!
i have no confidence what so ever and its getting worse
i dont know what or how i am going to get through this
   
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Re: Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - January 30th 2016, 01:39 AM

Hey there,

I think that you should talk to your counselor about this and explain to them your concerns about having your parent come in. If they are aware that you are worried that your parent is going to come off as 'innocent' they might be able to help you feel better about it by assuring you that they won't take sides. It is very rare that a counselor will take sides when a patient has their parent/partner/child come in to a session. Your therapist might be able to help you come up with ways to cope with your parents behavior.

If this is a issue that will not resolve itself you always have the option of getting a job and going out on your own. If you made that choice you might not have to rely on this parent so much and you would have freedom to do what you want with your life. If you are worried that you won't be able to afford school you could always look into financial aid options, loans or look in to going to a community college for a few years. I think community college is a really good choice for a number of people because you get your lower division course completed at a cheaper rate.

I hope that this helped.


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Re: Could this be emotional abuse????? DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND SUPPORT. - February 12th 2016, 06:13 PM

I would definitely say its emotional abuse and i would guess verbal abuse too. I know its hard to work through things when you have so much weight on your shoulders. Ive noticed with most people, the things they threaten you with the most are the things they are least likely to do. I cant promise you that your parent wont cut your funds but i dont think you should worry too much either. The fact that you got accepted into the university shows that your school believes in you and that you are capable of accomplishing your goals. Don't let people discourage you just because you made a mistake. Everyone screws up sometimes. Work really hard in school and if worst comes to worst, apply for a student loan if that's available to you. I think when parents cant let go of something its because something else is bothering them and they're just blaming other people's mistakes so that they don't have to face themselves or talk about their problems. Keep your head up, imagine how proud you'll feel when you reach your academic goal, and learn from your mistakes.
   
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