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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BDF Offline
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Violent boyfriends - January 26th 2016, 11:23 PM

Short story: today on the bus some 25 year old (male) wanted to beat up some 50 year old (male). The 25 year old was playing loud music (rap with lots of swearing) on the bus, the bus driver (a woman) stopped the bus and told him turn it down twice, and the 50 year old threw his 2 cents in.

So then, the younger one went all fucking batshit crazy, and wanted to beat the older man up. It was gradual enough, but also sudden enough. The situation got discipated by the very robust hydraulic doors which the bus was fitted with. At the next bus stop, he wanted to "step outside" and all that jazz, and the bus driver just locked him out. Then he threw 3 wild hooks at the door and left a blood stain behind.

I'm not really concerned much with any of that though. It's not the first time I've seen these kinds of retards act like retards, and it's not something shocking to me anymore. If he came at me with that kind of wild aggression, I would have stabbed him if he tried to throw a punch at me, and I mean it. I walk around prepared, and I'm not interested in a "fair fight" with fucks like that, plus there were no cameras. Plus, he was on the "big" side and his punches were pretty hard (but I think he broke a hand on the door).


That being said, I'm not really concerned with any of that here. That was just the context, here is the real point of my thread: his girlfriend.


1) She could have dissipated the situation better than anyone else. Why didn't she? She just sat there and watched. Was it:
. a) fear
. b) arousal, because she enjoyed watching her boyfriend be all "regressive alpha macho" against a 50 year old
. c) complete emotional dissociation and apathy (doesn't care about the outcome)
. d) something else?

2) She didn't look shocked. Presumably, it's because this is a regular thing to her. Ergo, why the fuck does she hold onto someone like him? Assuming you have a choice... why the fuck would you keep someone like that in your life??? Because obviously it's going to bring a healthy and stable relationship to the table for everyone. He certainly isn't going to go to prison eventually, or get beaten the shit out of himself for acting like a cretin, or even something worse. Why hold onto people like that?

P.S. the way they were sitting together, before any of the shit hit the fan, he looked a lot like a "momy's boy". It's just the way he was leaning against her. Combined with the rap music, the whole image looked pretty dysfunctional.


.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; January 27th 2016 at 06:56 AM.
   
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Re: Violent boyfriends - January 27th 2016, 05:08 PM

It is possible that his girlfriend may have been afraid to step in. At the same time, she or anyone on the bus could've done so too. There is a phenomenon called the 'bystander effect' which can help to explain why people don't step in to help the victim, but I don't know much about that. It's usually related to how well the person knows the victim, whether they feel they have a responsibility in the situation, and whether the situation is an emergency or not.

She may not have looked shocked if she had seen him like that before. Why would she stay with him? I guess it can be between whether he would get violent with her as well as other people or not. If he wasn't violent towards her, then maybe she doesn't feel much of a need to get out of the relationship. Or maybe she does want to leave, but is scared of him being violent towards her. If he is already violent towards her, then she may be scared to leave or she may be in denial about his behaviour or feel manipulated that she needs to stay with him for some other reason.


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Re: Violent boyfriends - January 27th 2016, 09:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
It is possible that his girlfriend may have been afraid to step in. At the same time, she or anyone on the bus could've done so too. There is a phenomenon called the 'bystander effect' which can help to explain why people don't step in to help the victim, but I don't know much about that. It's usually related to how well the person knows the victim, whether they feel they have a responsibility in the situation, and whether the situation is an emergency or not.

She may not have looked shocked if she had seen him like that before. Why would she stay with him? I guess it can be between whether he would get violent with her as well as other people or not. If he wasn't violent towards her, then maybe she doesn't feel much of a need to get out of the relationship. Or maybe she does want to leave, but is scared of him being violent towards her. If he is already violent towards her, then she may be scared to leave or she may be in denial about his behaviour or feel manipulated that she needs to stay with him for some other reason.
It is something I just struggle to compute though.

I've seen incidents like this in the UK. Often people don't step in, but often someone does and I've seen it. In Poland, it is much rarer... and I just find it difficult to tune in with that mentality.

The 50 year old was sitting with some friend of his own. His "friend" did nothing to stick up for him. Nobody fucking did. Of course anyone can say this, but I was just about to do something about it. I gave a slightly incorrect version of events earlier to keep the story short. I think the bus driver actually tried to lock the arsehole inside the bus so the police could arrive (whether this was a good idea I'm not sure)... but he realised it and managed to ram his way out through the doors (another sign that this is something he's probably done before), then threw his punches at the glass. Before that, he threw a few kicks and punches at the 50 year old. The first one or two punches... I shrugged at, but when he kept going at the other guy who was completely defenseless, I started getting provoked. I was already getting out of my seat when the bus doors started closing and he rammed through them.

Fucking funny though... that I'm pretty sure I was the only person about to do anything. I wasn't going to do anything violent, certainly wasn't my initial intention. It's usually not necessary. I wasn't his target after all, so he wasn't a threat to me (yet). What's funny (not), is that nobody else stirred. Yes, people were talking, during, and after. But like I said, even the 50 year old's own friend did fuckall. In fact, he just sat there through the whole thing looking through the window like a daydreaming autistic child who shuts the world out. The 25 year old's girlfriend did fuckall. Only the bus driver had any balls, and ironically, probably because the driver was a woman, and although the general opinion of violence against women is low in most countries, it is even lower in Poland. It's the more traditional view that women are more "vulnerable" and it's less appropriate to hit them because of it, etc.

Somehow I just don't get the impression that he was the type to be directly abusive towards women/girls for that reason. The way he was leaning against her earlier before any shit hit the fan. The way he completely avoided direct confrontation with the bus driver. Not confronting the bus driver could also be fear of "authority"... which still has a strong grip on people in Polish culture, although the fact that he quite deliberately turned the music back up after being told to shut it down, kind of gives the opposite impression.

Main point being: I hardly got the impression that he was abusive towards women, so I'm not really convinced that explains it much. It might... but I don't think it does.

The whole event was more of a male vs. male "macho" thing... which to be honest, I encounter so often over here that I'm fucking sick of it sometimes on a daily basis. I pull my hood on, plug my ears shut with headphones, drown those people out of my consciousness and don't give a shit about them or their territorial crap. I'm not interested in even committing 1% of my mental capacity towards "competing" with this Animal Planet type "battle of the males" bullshit.

Speaking of territorial gestures, one of their funniest ones is how they swing from left to right on the spot, like a penguin, whilst spitting at the pavement (usually a half-metre long drool) for no rational reason. It's quite a frequent gesture amongst certain younger provincial village idiots. That's quite a pronounced one, but there are many more subtle ones, and not necessarily even deliberate I think, like not keeping distance from other people in qeues, or piling their shit onto the conveyor belt at the till before you're even finished loading your own.

No, most men are not like that over here. But even just 10%... so one in ten, is enough, considering that you pass maybe a hundred people daily when using the busses, pavements, shops and qeues. And playing loud music, is also kind of a territorial gesture (depends on the context). Given that he turned it right back up almost to deliberately provoke, kind of makes it territorial. It's all about "owning" the space you're in to the extent of passive aggressiveness, sometimes resulting in actual aggressiveness, and I just don't have patience or respect for this kind of overbearingly insecure crap in people (not just men). I don't really care out of context if people like that behave the way they do because their dad beat them, or died of cancer 30 years ago when they were a child and they had no "father figure". They're supposed to be fucking adults.

Another "funney" storey when I was on holiday with my mum when I was about 16/17 years old. We were at this resort, and there was this other family. Mother, father, son. At first, we got along, but at the end when we left, the father wouldn't even look me in the eye, and would almost barge through doors before me. I figured it out eventually. He didn't like me talking with his wife (and I must say, she was very talkative and often a bit "close"). I was slow to realise it (courtesy of mild Asperger's), but when a month later
for some reason I sat and thought back to that moment (I think I was organising holiday photos), it came to me. Fucking lol. 50 year old woman. Jesus Christ. I can't even be angry at someone like him. It'd be like being angry at a goldfish.

Eh. I say I "don't care" a lot, but I need to make posts like this from time to time to vent this frustration. This post has gone off on a tangent.


.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; January 28th 2016 at 03:06 PM.
   
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