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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ignorance is bliss..
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Name: A.
Age: 27
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Join Date: January 6th 2009

Exclamation Is this wrong..? - May 16th 2009, 01:17 AM

Is it wrong for me to be talking to the guy who raped me's brother..? Normally I ignore him at all costs but he started talking to me and I responded... It feels wrong and honestly, it makes me nervous, if not scared. A lot of the fear is probably because it's his twin brother. And when I say talking I don't mean "talking", I'm not trying to get with him, we just have casual conversation. But even in the past, we get really deep, conversation wise. I don't know why, I just feel so open to him and I still feel that way. Yet I feel so wrong.. I don't know what to do... I feel like I'm being stupid and naive because I do believe he's a different person than his brother, yet I'm still scared of him. I just want to know peoples opinions on this. God, even when I'm just messaging him I shiver and shake... I don't know if it's wrong, I don't know if I'm overreacting, or maybe it's just the things his brother did to me, but I don't know... Opinions or advice anyone..? Thanks

Originally joined: June 2008

" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is this wrong..? - May 16th 2009, 04:35 AM

Well, this is kind of a hard one. I think brothers can be very different people. I mean, I know I have much different values than my brother just because of my different experiences. I think that if you seriously feel you can trust him, then go for it. Do be extremely careful. He may not be the same person as his brother, but on the other hand, he may be. Try not to get into any dangerous situations with him. Talk to him, message him, etc. But never let yourself be alone with him or anything like that. If he really is a different person, it's horrible to punish him for what his brother did, but if he is the same as his brother, you don't want to give him a chance to do anything.

Also, I don't think you're overreacting at all. His appearance and connections to his brother obviously trigger very, very painful memories, that's 100% understandable. And if the feelings being around him causes, whether justified based on him as a person or not, get to be too painful, then don't be around him. There are so many other potential friends, that to be around someone like that isn't worth it if it hurts you so much.

In the end, it's your decision. Just try to be careful and don't let him hurt you, k?

*hug* Goodluck, PM me anytime you need anything.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is this wrong..? - May 16th 2009, 05:26 AM

Hey Angela,

In short, no. You're not wrong for wanting to talk to anyone. You're allowed to talk to any person you have a need to talk to. We can't say you're intentions or needs are wrong in any way. I know it might feel "wrong" but you're doing nothing wrong of any kind.

However, it doesn't sound like you're considering your feelings. What happened to you, is something hard to get over. Not only that, it can present new problems with each new experience. Sometimes you don't know how to react with something until the situation arises. Even though you might be able to cope on a daily basis with the idea of being abused in the past, you might not be able to see the person who did it. It's something very difficult to do on any level-seeing the person who did you so wrong. If you're reacting like this around his brother, maybe it's best to keep distant. I'm not saying anything you're doing is wrong, I'm saying it might not be best for you.

When healing, we need to take everything as slow as possible. If we rush anything, we tend to put a glitch in our healing process. It's best to be careful and tend to the needs of your emotions and mind. If something reminds you of the rape, or someone, maybe you should put some space in between you and that thing. Not forever, certainly it might get easier in time. But maybe it's best for a period of time.

If seeing him and messaging him affects you so negatively, you don't need to talk with him. You don't need to put yourself through something like that. It isn't wrong to feel the way you do and it isn't necessary to be put through. If you can't handle being reminded of something so bad, then don't do it to yourself. You have every right to heal and talk to whoever you want to. It isn't his or your fault that talking with him is so hard. Though, I don't think it should be ignored. It can bring problems for you in the future. This is your chance to heal and cope, right now. Be sure to do it properly the first time, so it can be easy. We don't want to make you deal with any more than you need to. Take time and take space. I really advise that.

If you need anyone to talk to at all, I know where you're coming from. I see my abuser on a regular basis. It isn't fun, okay? It can bring back a lot of troubles. Don't put yourself in a situation that doesn't need to happen. You deserve to feel safe all the time. You have a right to. I'm only a PM away. Take care of yourself.

~Stay strong and have faith.

01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
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