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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
moonlightxrose Offline
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am I being abused? - May 16th 2009, 03:49 AM

I've been best friends with this guy for a couple years now. He started dating this girl right after I met him. Everything was going pretty good until about a year ago this past month.
We were just chatting about sexual stuff and he asked me if I wanted to do things. I thought he was kidding so I laughed and said sure. Then he I saw the way he was looking at me, like I was a snack. I was thinking back on it a few moments ago and I just remembered how afraid I was of him. I didn't know what to do so I just went along with it. He said he felt bad and he told his girl and she got really angry and instead of dumping him shes been blaming me. Shes been verbally attacking me and harrassing me ever since. I finally had to block her and completely ignore her at school. He said it would never happen again, but a few weeks later he was trying to get me to do more stuff. And I just didn't know what to do.
And it started to escalate and become more frequent. I've cried a couple of times and hes stopped and told me that it wouldn't happen again, but hes always advancing on me a couple weeks later.
Soon he found out I was on birth control and he started trying to talk me into having intercourse with him. I told him I didn't want to. But he keeps bringing it up. I accidently broke my hymen before this all started and he says because of that I'm not a virgin anymore so I should let him. And I kept telling him I was scared and I didn't want to, but he kept persisting. Today he was trying to convince me and I was so confused and scared I almost let him.
About a half hour ago I had a break down and I started thinking about how scared I was everytime and the way he looks at me and how feeble and weak I feel. And I can't tell anyone cause I'm so scared I'll lose all my friends and everyone will think I'm a whore. And I just feel really alone. Is this what abuse is? I never really thought it was because before all this I felt so safe with him. He was like a brother to me. And then I realized that he hasn't really wanted to do anything with me in months. His girlfriend convinced him I was a lier and a backstabber and now he doesn't trust me. I feel like a discarded old doll. We use to be kinda ruff with each other too like siblings. But recently its turned more violent.
so yeah. I'm kinda stuck. Because I can't just walk away from this. I still think of him as my best friend. I can't just erase him from my life. what do I do?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: am I being abused? - May 16th 2009, 04:28 AM

Ok, this is definitely abuse. When you refuse and you cry and he just keeps going, that is so wrong and unacceptable. I know you think of him as your best friend, but I think you need to get him out of your life 100%. Don't even acknowledge his existence. It's obvious he has no respect for you, or his girlfriend. If he keeps saying he'll stop, he knows this is wrong, but he just keeps doing it. You said yourself it's escalating, right now, you're on the edge of rape. I really don't want that to happen to you.

So just get rid of this jerk, ok? He doesn't care about you, he cares about your body. He may have cared about you at one point, but to him now, you're just a toy. Don't let him treat you like that. You deserve friends that respect you. Forcing you to do things, especially sexual things, against your will is not respect. Taking advantage of your trust in him is not respect. Cheating on his girlfriend with you is not respect. He obviously doesn't respect anyone around him, so don;t even give him the time of day. He wants to talk to you, just turn away, don't even speak to him.

And also, it is extremely important that you tell someone this is happening. You are in danger from him. Tell a teacher, your parents, school counselor, relatives. Any adult the you trust and will listen, tell them. Don't let him get away with this and don't let him hurt you anymore.

*hug* I hope everything works out ok. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk. I always want to do everything in my power to help you.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: am I being abused? - May 16th 2009, 03:14 PM


I just want to say that by asking for advice you're doing the right thing entirely. What he has done is not okay, obviously he has problems. You ARE NOT a liar. He is! Every guy that cheats on his girlfriend is a liar. So that's a ridiculous statement of his and his grilfriends. I know you don't want to lose him as a friend, but it seems you already have. It seems like he's using you for everything but friendship, he's taking advantage and pressuring you into sexual activity.

Do not make anyone, especially him pressure you into ANYTHING you dont want to do just because you're afraid that you may lose him entirely.

What he's doing is sexual assault everytime he does this and if you've said no everytime, even once, he could get into serious trouble. I'm sure that because you see him as your bestfriend, this is not what you want, but like the above post, you deffiniatley should tall an adult.

You're a little bit unclear about how many times this has happened and if its still occuring, but thats almost irrelevant because no matter what he still violated your body, yours and his friendship, and your trust.

If you feel truly scared of him YOU HAVE to tell someone, you could easily be in danger and you may not know it. Maybe your friend isn't a completely bad person but he's not any where near a good friend and he isn't worth all of your tears. I promise you that he isn't.

If this behavior of his continues he'll either pressure you into having sex with him no matter how bad you don't want to, he could get you to say yes and consent, which could leave you very regretful and angry and vulnerable to his abuse more and more...
It will lead to rape, meaning him having sex with you even when you say no.

This is not okay and its not your fault you're stuck in this situation, you can't control whast already happened but take control of his behavior for the future and tell someone so that this wont happen again. Tell someone so that you can feel safe again.

Good luck,

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: am I being abused? - May 17th 2009, 04:51 AM


What he is doing is emotionally abusing you. Anybody forcing somebody into doing something which they wouldn't want too is doing so. He is taking advantage of a certain 'power' he appears to retain over you, being your Best Friend i would of thought.

You need to seek someones help & report this - the more that he feels he can power over you, the more he will try too.

I really do feel for you. I know coming from a man it may seem wierd but i absoloutely despise any situation where a woman is being taken advantage of, especially one such as this.

So; Get Help & be confident - Unfortunately your Friendship with this guy probably will end, but it will be for the best.


Be strong,

Alec xox

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Re: am I being abused? - May 17th 2009, 04:09 PM


It most defiantly sounds to me like you are in an unhealthy relationship. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and not letting him pressure you into having sex. However, anyone who would even attempt to force you into something like that against your wishes isn't someone you want in your life. It is possible that the situation could escalate one day and leave you in a dangerous situation. No guy is worth putting yourself in danger like that. You deserve to be treated better than this so don't settle for anything less than the best. You are being taken advantage of and used. He took advantage of your friendship and your trust in him and used that to get sexual favors from you. Put an end to this and don't let him treat you like a sex object any longer. This isn't right any you know it. It doesn't matter how long it's been since he last initiated anything. The fact of the matter is that it could start up again just as easily as it stopped. I highly advise you to end all contact with him and avoid him. You are not in the wrong here. If you tell someone I think they will be sympathetic with how scared you where and the fact that he was pressuring you. It is in your best interest to let someone know so that you can ensure your safety. Please consider talking to a teacher, your guidance counselor, your parents, or any other trusted adult. If talking to an adult is too intimidating then I would suggest talking it over with a friend. They can provide emotional support and possibly even go with you to tell an adult. If they are a good friend they will understand. You are strong enough to do the right thing. If you even need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. Take care and stay strong.

Lots of love <3 Mimi

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Re: am I being abused? - May 28th 2009, 11:01 PM

I agree w/all of the above posters--this "guy" is NOT YOUR FRIEND!! Ppl who do stuff like this are USERS & only care a/b what they can get off of someone! This dude is a cheater & has sexually assaulted & harrassed you! This dude is NOT WORTHY of your friendship!!! You NEED to tell a teacher or guidance counselor or a parent a/b whats been happening w/this guy. Thank you so much for being so brave to tell us a/b whats happening. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT--OK??? HUGS

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