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Angry I think I'm going to go crazy if my dad doesn't stop - February 12th 2016, 05:13 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

On Christmas of 2011 my dad tried to kill me. He strangled me until my mom ran in and stopped him. I still remember it so clearly, it was so bizarre. Everyone was in a good mood and my family was opening their Christmas presents but i didn't want to because it was still the 24th and i wanted to see presents under the tree when i woke up, like every other family gets to. He called me over to sit beside him on the couch and i didn't want to because i didn't like being close to him (he had been violent and abusive towards us for years already and i didn't trust him anymore). He was trying to convince me to open my presents right away so i don't ruin the family tradition but he was being so calm and friendly with me that i was shocked and a bit happy/confused. As he spoke, within seconds, he started clenching his teeth and i saw the muscles in his hands become tense. His eyes suddenly didn't look like his anymore- the seemed almost plastic/lifeless. Then he folded his arm in from behind me on the headrest to put me in a headlock and he grabbed my throat with his other hand. My mom ran in screaming from the kitchen because she heard something was not right. He let go of me so i ran upstairs to my room. All night i could hear him beating her and yelling at her. I peaked out of my room a few times and saw that he ripped their bedroom door off the hinges and broke it in half from his adrenaline. He was smashing everything that was important to my mom too, like her lamp that had been passed down her family for generations and her favourite vase and more. I never knew someone could be so powerful and destructive and i consistently grew more hatred for him since he started being abusive. Ever since that day in particular, my dad's been living for revenge on my mom and I despite the fact that we haven't lived with him or tried to associate with him in over 4 years now.

Yesterday, dad drove up next to me while i was taking my dog for a walk and he got my little sister (who also hates me because dad is manipulative and can convince people to hate for no reason) to grab my dog off of the leash and jump back into his car and they drove off with her. I cant even get my dog back because they stole my ownership/registration papers last time they broke into my house.They created fake ones in their name and had a judge look at them so that the courts believe she's not my dog. I lost my only friend because of him and i'm scared for my dogs life too now that shes with him. He tried to beat my last dog with a metal shovel when i was little but i jumped in the way and took the hits instead.

The past few months, he's been taking my mom and i to court (in 6 separate motions) to sue us for millions of dollars in things that have never existed. He told us that he doesn't care if he wins or loses in court, his goal is that we miss so much work for court that we lose our jobs and cant afford our home anymore. He also threatens to rub poison oak leaves on the door handles of our house and car and says he'll put sugar in our gas tank and many other things. we're constantly living in fear because of him and when we get the police involved they say there's nothing they can do because there's not enough proof or its out of their power. I feel like i'm going to go crazy soon if my dad doesn't start paying for his actions. He's gotten away with everything thanks to his charisma and the fact that hes a pathological liar. He makes me think of Charles Manson in the way he controls people except that I have more respect for Manson because he has faced the consequences for what he did.

I first realized I was going crazy because I used to watch the news feeling sorry for murder victims but now i just think "they probably deserved it, i bet they were like dad." That was only a week ago but I've never been so insensitive in my life! I'm scared my dad is turning me into a monster. If that's not bad enough, my little sister is fully giving into his manipulation and shes becoming exactly like him.

I've always wanted to help people and I have always had a soft heart (i couldn't handle people saying anything mean or negative as a child because i was so happy and innocent minded). Now with who my dad has become and how useless the law/system is, I feel stomped on and betrayed by everyone who claims to help others for a living. I feel like murderers are the only people who see justice in their lives and if violence/murder wasn't natural for humans, our parents wouldn't have to teach us to not hit and bite and kick when we're so young. Also, the government wouldn't handle situations with war and the cops wouldn't have to carry weapons if violence wasn't the answer. We're raised to be non-violent but if you look around, anyone who professionally faces problems, is licensed to kill. Why am i thinking like this? i never wanted to hurt anyone in my life and i hate feeling like this, it scares me. Half of me thinks i should move on and work on getting a good career and stuff but the other half says its not worth gaining anything in life until someone gets rid of my dad because he'll destroy all i have anyways.
   
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Re: I think I'm going to go crazy if my dad doesn't stop - February 12th 2016, 05:41 PM

I can't imagine having to live in such fear of your dad all of the time, it must be really tough for you to have to go through that.

I hope your dog is okay. It doesn't sound like there is much you can do because they stole the ownership papers and made fake ones of their own. You might be able to look for a copy of your ownership papers, or return to the place you adopted her to see if they have a copy for you in a file somewhere. It should be dated before your father's fake one is, and that might help you get your dog back.

You said the police can't do much, so something you might want to try to start doing is getting some proof before you go back to them. If he breaks into your house and causes damage, take pictures. If he pulls up beside you, take a video. I know security systems and alarms can be expensive but it might be worth looking into so you can get the stuff he does on record.

Have you considered filing a restraining order against him? I don't know much about how to do that, but you will be able to make it so he can't get within a certain distance of you and your home. And, if he does violate it, he'll get into trouble and serve consequences for that at the very least.

I know this is something that would be difficult for you, but maybe you can talk to your mom about moving away from him. Maybe you can look into some places to live and into some jobs somewhere out of state. If you can get those things situated, then you can pack and leave without warning; without telling anyone of your plans because you don't want him knowing what your new location is.

You're not crazy for feeling the way you do. Experience changes people and it sounds like you are very angry at your dad because of what he put you through, and what he continues to put you through. All of your feelings are valid and it's normal to have the thoughts that you do. Having those thoughts is therapeutic for some people, and it is okay to have them as long as you don't act them out or make any plans to act on them.

Maybe you can find some ways to cope with what you're feeling. I think it would help for you to take up exercise to release positive brain chemicals or a new hobby to make you happy. You can keep a journal, or a blog so you have a safe place to talk about what you're going through. I know you have a lot on your plate but it is important to do things to take care of yourself emotionally.


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Re: I think I'm going to go crazy if my dad doesn't stop - February 12th 2016, 06:32 PM

Ive presented so much evidence to the police its ridiculous. no matter what i show them they find a way to protect him. I had text messages of him admitting to some of the things he did and they told me that someone could have taken his phone and typed it so i need proof that he wrote it himself. My little sister stole an envelope of cash savings (2000 dollars) when she broke into my house and she left a suicide note in which she admitted to stealing the money. The cops said that i could have gotten someone to kidnap my sister so that i could steal the money (which was already mine) and that i probably wrote the suicide note to make myself less of a suspect. I wouldn't come up with such a twisted plan just to spend my own savings. I have no faith in cops. Its nice to hear that you dont think im crazy yet though. I do worry about it a lot, i feel like its going to get in my way of living a normal life because I keep getting worse and so does my dad. I dont get why he cant leave me and my mom alone. I was told that some people get a "high" out of doing these things to others. That just disgusts me.
   
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Re: I think I'm going to go crazy if my dad doesn't stop - February 12th 2016, 11:06 PM

That's awful. Given what you've been through, I can see why you feel the way you do about the police.

You're definitely not crazy and I don't think you ever will be crazy. You're just struggling because of all you've been through. It's natural to worry about it. Your dad did some horrible things to you, and you are probably always going to be impacted by them because life experiences shape people. You just have to find outlets and coping skills that work for you so you are able to take care of yourself.

I think people act like that for a lot of reasons. It could be the way they were treated as a child, and maybe they never got help for it and don't understand it's wrong. It could be the influence of alcohol or drugs, or maybe some anger. Or maybe he does it to get a euphoric high of some sort. People who act like it either don't understand it is wrong or refuse to acknowledge it, because if they did either one of those things, they wouldn't mistreat people in the first place.

I agree with you, though. The fact that someone can mistreat someone like that disgusts me too.


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