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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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angelapocalypse Offline
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Unhappy A lot to take in - April 1st 2016, 06:47 AM

When I was 7 I was sexually abused by my stepbrother who was then in his teen years. Then when I came to be 13 my counselor had found out..and they took him away from me..which is to be expected. Now he is 18 and he lives with his grandma. My stepdad visits him very frequently and talks about him openly which is very hard for me. My stepbrother has had Aspergers ever since I could remember and it was frightening when he was angry or upset. One day my mom told me that since he doesn't have very good connections with people...he most likely does not miss me. I'm not very good at expressing how I feel...but my emotions and my thoughts are so confusing and very crazy.

I don't have very good connections with people myself, and I wonder if being abused could have something to do with that. I really hate it.

I came out as bisexual a year and a half ago, but my family believes that my stepbrother "caused me to choose that path". This, I do not understand. I have had a lot of confusing things happen to me in my life but I know for a fact that my stepbrother could never shape me to be who I am in that regard and what feels right to me.

I'm very sorry about the rambling. I'm very tired and I really needed to get this out of my mind to calm myself and go to sleep. Have a good day, guys!
   
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Re: A lot to take in - April 1st 2016, 04:25 PM

Don't be sorry, I'm glad you posted this. I hope it helped to get it out.

Does your stepdad know how you feel when he talks about your brother? If you haven't already told him, you should consider telling him that talking about your brother makes you feel uncomfortable. You should feel comfortable and safe in your own home. Maybe you can ask him to not talk about your brother in front of you, or to dedicate a time to talk about him when you're not around so you can move freely in your home without hearing about him. If he doesn't want to do this, maybe you can leave when he talks about him or walk around with headphones or something to help muffle the noise.

Being abused can have something to do with how you connect with other people. A lot of people have trouble trusting others because trust was broken with the abuse.

Do you think you could talk to your family and tell them that your brother doesn't have anything to do with being bisexual? It must be hurtful when they say things like that. Perhaps you could show your family some resources on sexuality to help them educate themselves on the topic.


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Re: A lot to take in - April 4th 2016, 03:22 PM

No need to apologise about posting thisÖit can be really good to get your feelings out, and I hope it helped you.

Are you able to talk to your dad about how you find it difficult when he talks about your stepbrother in front of you? Perhaps you could say that you would prefer it if he didnít talk so much about your stepbrother when you are around?

Being abused can definitely have many effects on you. You may feel low at times, or have low self-esteem and find it difficult to trust others. This can affect how you relate to others and how you connect with others too. But it doesnít have to be that way either. Are you still seeing a counsellor? It might be worthwhile talking about how you feel you donít have very good connections with others and you may be able to gain more insight into it to help you overcome it.

Unfortunately, many people donít understand abuse and they may believe the myths surrounding it. Some people wrongly believe that being abused can affect your sexuality, but the truth is, no such link between abuse and sexuality has been found. I agree that it can be helpful to educate your family more on what it means to be bisexual, particularly if you find resources that dispel common myths about sexuality or sexuality and abuse.


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