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MsNobleEleanor Offline
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Outlets - April 9th 2016, 10:49 PM

For the last few weeks I've been trying to find an outlet of some sorts to express my emotions, flashbacks, just something and all that I come up with is, talking.

Talking however, is helpful but those times where I am unable to talk, when I am at my counseling appointment that is really the only time I express or in words (blogs, writing) when there is the outlet. At home, I feel at a loss, it just, it's there and I don't have any other outlet to express myself. All I want is to talk more than once a week. I want to be able to express that in something else, but I don't know what.

It's been talked about for me to go more, have more sessions but there isn't anything I can do. They have my doctors note, I've expressed my needs and why, in the end it seems I can't talk more, or at all. I keep everything inside which bothers me, I feel trapped and lost; really scared.

I do my DBT skills but that isn't enough. I clean but that just does so much. I hangout with my dog. I could be more active, which is challenging considering the weather and snow mold affecting me. I don't think being active would help with expressing things. I don't know, I need something more I don't know what to do.

I am just fed up with everything. Tired of dealing with everything alone. Not having the words to express things, I feel trapped within it all. No matter how hard I put words on it, I still can't do it. I hold back because I can't express it. I don't know how. Talking is one thing but being unable to say things because I don't know how to express that or get that across when I talk. I am not sure if that makes sense? That's how it feels.

There's times where I break, I see myself drop to the floor and lose myself completely but I can never do that. I hold myself together.

I don't know any outlets for emotions and other things. I am lost.


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Re: Outlets - April 11th 2016, 06:17 PM

Talking is a good outlet and I am glad you have your therapist and your blog, but I can understand how hard it is to be able to express yourself. Something that might help is talking to yourself out loud. You can talk about your feelings or the flashbacks you're experiencing. You can even do it in front of a mirror so you can make that mind-body connection. It helps to be able to put a voice to how you're feeling and if anything, it will help you become more comfortable talking about challenging things in therapy. It's good practice.

I think being active can be helpful if you're angry or if you have a lot of anxious energy you need to get rid of. I know the weather kind of hinders you, but maybe you could look into some exercise videos and give those a try? You could try something fast or you could look into yoga videos because yoga helps you practice your breathing. If you're not interested in videos, you could try some floor exercises.

I know it can be hard to find the words to express how you're feeling but it might help to try and physically express it. Maybe you can paint the adjectives on a canvas or scribble them into paper. You could get a dozen crayons, write the words in one crayon, and then trace them over and over again. That's something someone had me doing a lot a few years ago to get things out.

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice on how to find the right words. I struggle with that a lot as well and haven't figured out how to work on it. If I get any ideas, I'll definitely let you know.


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Re: Outlets - April 23rd 2016, 10:34 PM

What if you did kind of like a journal. Get a not book just for this journal. And you can do as many entries as you want through out the day. But each entry can only be one word.

Then close the book and go do something else. Then later on, go back to the book and make another entry, adding to the previous word, making it 2 consecutive words that will begin a description in a sentence format, or close to it.

You may not get all the filler words you need to make a sentence, but you probably get the idea. So each entry will have significant meaning to how you feel. But with adding another word, it would compliments the past words as you work towards how you feel in describing how you feel

Does that make sense?
   
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Re: Outlets - April 24th 2016, 06:31 AM

Hey!

I'm sorry you're going through this, I can relate to a certain extent. I totally agree with Cassado, talking to yourself does help. I usually stare at a wall (if I can't get to a mirror, of course.) and act like I'm talking to someone else, it helps get it all out of your system. Plus, there's no pressure. You don't have to make sense, you don't have to explain. You could just silently scream, yell, shout, argue, ramble on and on, whatever helps you get it out. You don't have to bother what someone else would think because you'd be the only one present. It helps me be completely free and open, get it ALL out, you know?


As Cassado said, painting does help, though it's not really my thing. I usually write songs, I find that a lot easier. You should experiment and find out what works for you! Keeping a journal or blogging are great ways to express yourself but if you find yourself struggling for words, you could try painting, dancing, singing, listening to music (which reflects what you're feeling at the moment) etc. It doesn't matter if you suck at painting/dancing/singing or whatever, it's okay, just go at it and have fun! Again, try different things and see what works for you! I don't really keep a diary/journal as in write in a book, because I prefer recording and speaking into my phone. It serves the purpose and is easier and faster, also helps me think. I'm just more comfortable that way.


Exercise of any sort helps and if the weather gets in the way, you should look into yoga and meditation, those are great ways too.


I hope this helps! Feel free to PM me if you need anything!


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Re: Outlets - April 24th 2016, 12:59 PM

For me, expressing emotions is messy and so neat little words don't always match to the intense emotions. I find doing something messy would "match" how I'm feeling even if words don't do it. A few days ago I went to the beach and just got messy with sand. I know you may not be living close enough to a beach but if there's any natural landscape, like a forest, a mountain or even a park, maybe there is something you can do that's "messy". If it just rained, jump into the puddles. If it snowed, make something with the snow. If none of these things are possible, I second what was said about painting. Though I find the "messy" element is still important. I wouldn't look to do a masterpiece or anything "art" in the traditional sense. I would do "process art" which is messy in concept and style xD basically just doing whatever comes intuitively. Don't think too much, just let your hands do the work. Even a bunch of scribble scrabbles. The equivalent in writing would be "free-writing" or "automotive writing" or "stream of consciousness" you can then keep them for later inspiration for more elaboratecreative work but this is just like a type of warm up exercise to get the more articulate expressive communication out later on. I think of it as...a kind of ice cube that just needs to melt a little. I think of it as that tile game where you shift the little tiles till you get a recognizable picture. But first you got to lay the tiles down, then later you can organize the material you've collected.

I know how hard it can be, as these last weeks have been particularly difficult. Even now I'm thinking to what worked for me but it can be hard putting it into practice every time. And sometimes like you said, skills aren't enough. It is just that there is variation between individuals and even a range of situations within an individual's experience. Sometimes it takes trial and error and sometimes getting oneself the motivation to try in the first place is difficult. But jut know that this is a learning experience and you will have moments when you look back and it is more clear what worked.
   
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