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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Svetlanavolkova Offline
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I need advice now. - May 16th 2016, 07:02 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel like I just want to end my life. I will never openly admit this but I was sexually abused by my father and he always threatened me. I'm going through so much and on top of it I feel so alone. I want to die so bad and I'm so confused. I don't want people to tell me to report this because I just can't. I'm ashamed and I can't just openly admit what's been going on.
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Re: I need advice now. - May 16th 2016, 07:43 PM

First off, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Your dad is an all honesty pretty scummy if he hurt you. I can't possibly imagine what it's like to go through any of the stuff that happened to you, however, here is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better, but not on its own. It takes time, effort, strength, and perseverance to get through it all. Being alone sucks. I know it does. Whatever you are going through now, go out and try your best to fix it all, and even if you can't, try anyway. If you fail, go and try again. It will never get better if you wait for it to resolve itself. I don't want this to sound like a motivational speech but it's up to you. There are anonymous call lines that might be able to help you get some things off your chest as well. Not sure if you want that but the option is there.
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Re: I need advice now. - May 16th 2016, 08:14 PM

I'm sorry to hear about this. Abuse from a parent is especially hard because a parent is supposed to be gentle and nurturing and that's something that has been taken away from you.

You said you'll never openly admit that and I understand where you're coming from. You can't always tell someone, even if you want to. Sometimes, for certain reasons, you have to keep quiet and a secret like this can really damage you. I think the first thing you should do is try to acknowledge your abuse so you feel validated. Knowing what happened to you and acknowledging it is important and it's probably one of the first steps to take. To do this, you can write it down on paper, or on here. You can say it out loud. All you have to say is something like, "My father sexually abused me." The more you say it, more you'll be able to accept it.

I think it would help if you wrote out all of the memories you have of being abused. It will allow you to get them out of your head and it will give them less control over you. Write them in a journal, or blog on here. Do whatever you have to do. In addition to that, write about how you're feeling so things don't eat you up inside. Trauma does a lot to your feelings in the present and will continue to be part of how you feel throughout your life.

Are you still around your father? If so, try to stay away from him whenever you can. I highly suggest creating a safe place and using it when he's around. Try not to spend any time alone with him because that could be triggering for you.

Threats are hard to cope with but know that he used those threats to have control over you. Those threats were made to have you keep silent for as long as possible because abusers thrive off of a victim's silence.

I think you should make a safety plan you can refer to when you're feeling suicidal. You can write a list of hotlines, or safe people to call to talk to if you think you're going to hurt yourself. You can also write a list of things you have to do before you harm yourself and that can help keep you distracted for a while.

I'm here if you want to talk about anything.

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Re: I need advice now. - May 16th 2016, 08:53 PM

Iím really sorry to hear that you were sexually abused and threatened by your own dad. You didnít deserve that at all and you arenít to blame, I hope you understand that. No one is going to tell you to report it- thatís entirely your decision, and itís not something you have to do at all. Are you away from your dad? While you donít have to report it, you should try to keep away from him, to keep yourself safe.

Feelings of being alone, confused and ashamed are common after having been sexually abused. But you arenít alone. You have TeenHelp. And though you were sexually abused, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I understand it can be very hard to talk about being abused, and itís understandable that you feel you canít openly admit to what you have been through. It can be really helpful to write your feelings down though. Being able to get your feelings out in a healthy way, is better than keeping them all bottled up.

There is life after abuse and you can heal from it. I agree with the other responses that calling a hotline and being able to talk to someone when you feel low and want to end your life can help. And you can always use the forums, Live Help and HelpLINK too.

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