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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Exclamation My Best Friend - May 24th 2016, 12:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi; I was wondering if any of you could give me advice for my friend and I. To begin, they have complex PTSD and schizophrenia as well as some other disorders; this is because of what they had to see in a chemical place in a foreign country. They often get flashbacks, they have severe insomnia (sleeping basically every three days); it seems like a living hell. But, what is horrific, is that their mom is very abusive and their dad, while treating them well for the most part, can also lash out. I asked if they could talk to their dad about it but they refused; they said that he was too busy, which sounds like an excuse for something else. They also said that their parents have been treating them better, but that is still not good. Unfortunately, they also get crazy drunk when they're in too much emotional pain; basically every weekend. Multiple psychologists have been visited; they say that it only helps a bit. The reason I have not called the police is not because they would feel betrayed, although that's part of the reason. It's because their parents are extremely dangerous and I don't know what their family is capable of; I've been told they have weapons by my friend. They're is extremely numb--they watch videos of animals getting crushed, people getting mutilated. They find it funny or pleasurable. I understand that what they've been through can make a person extremely unstable; I want to be by their side; I believe they can be a good person. I can't tell my parents. It's all too much. Only ONE other person knows about their abuse and what they have been through, though I do not think that they understand as much as me because I have been told I understand them the most. They are extremely stubborn to any advice I give them that is involved with people outside of their family. They have been an amazing friend to me, and I don't want to tell them, but sometimes I feel burdened and sick and upset by the thought of talking to them because of all of this darkness. Thank you.
   
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Re: My Best Friend - May 24th 2016, 02:37 AM

That sounds like a really difficult place to be in, you and your friends. I'm not sure what id do. I want to say that I would call someone or tall your parents, but you'd also probably lose them as friends

I guess you might find some okness knowing what you did was the right thing and good
   
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Re: My Best Friend - May 24th 2016, 03:36 AM

I'm sorry to hear your friend is struggling with all of this.

Do you think you could consider giving them advice for particular things, such as insomnia and flashbacks, to help improve the bigger picture overall? Maybe you can encourage them to do things that make them feel safe before trying to fall asleep, and mention breathing exercises as those can assist people in falling asleep. You can mention different grounding techniques or encourage them to write about their flashbacks so they get them out of their system.

Many people who have been abused (especially by their parents) tend to stick by their parents, despite being abused and I think this is what your friend might be doing. Many people only have their parents, or that is all they've ever known (particularly for minors). Parents can also threaten their children into staying silent as well. It is very hard for people to go against their parents, even if it is for the better.

Maybe you can encourage them to make a safe place, whether it's a place in their bedroom or a mental place they can go to, to feel at ease and comfortable.

I think you should talk to your friend before going to the police and let them know that you're willing to help out in that regard if they decide they want to go forward with this. It's important for people to seek help when they're ready to, rather than being forced into it, so try not to go to the police unless you think they are in serious danger.

Talking about things in itself can help, so try to be there when you're able to be. Talking about other things besides the trauma can help as well, as can your presence and your voice if you're talking on the phone.

Bear in mind that you can only give so much advice. You can only do so much and after that, it is up to your friend to utilize the advice and coping skills you've suggested. If they don't utilize them, there's nothing more you can do besides being there for them.

Remember to take care of yourself, too. Your health and well-being is important as well. You can take a few steps back and tend to yourself whenever you need to. It's important to do so because you have to take care of yourself before you can help others.


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Re: My Best Friend - May 24th 2016, 03:32 PM

I think cassado gave some pretty helpful tips, with making a safe place and giving advice about the insomnia. You can only do so much, I hope you realize you can't make everything perfect for them but you can certainly pave the way for them to make their life and living situation better.

I think worrying about betraying a friend after they tell you about the crap they go through is natural, because wanting to report it makes you human. Don't worry about that, and I think you really should report them. Another thing is, you should keep talking to your friend and maybe ask your parents if they can spend some time at your house. Do you think that would be possible.

Have you looked into this chemical damage from their home country? Has there been any correlation with that and the way your friend's parents behave? Has there been other incidences like this in the news or in studies? If so, I would suggest reporting that as well, because maybe something can be done to help these people.

You sound like such a wonderful friend and you're really brave coming forth with this information. Best of luck!
   
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Re: My Best Friend - May 24th 2016, 09:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer. View Post
I think cassado gave some pretty helpful tips, with making a safe place and giving advice about the insomnia. You can only do so much, I hope you realize you can't make everything perfect for them but you can certainly pave the way for them to make their life and living situation better.

I think worrying about betraying a friend after they tell you about the crap they go through is natural, because wanting to report it makes you human. Don't worry about that, and I think you really should report them. Another thing is, you should keep talking to your friend and maybe ask your parents if they can spend some time at your house. Do you think that would be possible.

Have you looked into this chemical damage from their home country? Has there been any correlation with that and the way your friend's parents behave? Has there been other incidences like this in the news or in studies? If so, I would suggest reporting that as well, because maybe something can be done to help these people.

You sound like such a wonderful friend and you're really brave coming forth with this information. Best of luck!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassado View Post
I'm sorry to hear your friend is struggling with all of this.

Do you think you could consider giving them advice for particular things, such as insomnia and flashbacks, to help improve the bigger picture overall? Maybe you can encourage them to do things that make them feel safe before trying to fall asleep, and mention breathing exercises as those can assist people in falling asleep. You can mention different grounding techniques or encourage them to write about their flashbacks so they get them out of their system.

Many people who have been abused (especially by their parents) tend to stick by their parents, despite being abused and I think this is what your friend might be doing. Many people only have their parents, or that is all they've ever known (particularly for minors). Parents can also threaten their children into staying silent as well. It is very hard for people to go against their parents, even if it is for the better.

Maybe you can encourage them to make a safe place, whether it's a place in their bedroom or a mental place they can go to, to feel at ease and comfortable.

I think you should talk to your friend before going to the police and let them know that you're willing to help out in that regard if they decide they want to go forward with this. It's important for people to seek help when they're ready to, rather than being forced into it, so try not to go to the police unless you think they are in serious danger.

Talking about things in itself can help, so try to be there when you're able to be. Talking about other things besides the trauma can help as well, as can your presence and your voice if you're talking on the phone.

Bear in mind that you can only give so much advice. You can only do so much and after that, it is up to your friend to utilize the advice and coping skills you've suggested. If they don't utilize them, there's nothing more you can do besides being there for them.

Remember to take care of yourself, too. Your health and well-being is important as well. You can take a few steps back and tend to yourself whenever you need to. It's important to do so because you have to take care of yourself before you can help others.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samuel View Post
That sounds like a really difficult place to be in, you and your friends. I'm not sure what id do. I want to say that I would call someone or tall your parents, but you'd also probably lose them as friends

I guess you might find some okness knowing what you did was the right thing and good
Thanks to all of you. It is incredibly difficult to deal with this; I thought I had it bad. I understand that some of you are urging me talk to authorities, but like I said, I don't know what they're capable of; I can see Casado's point in not calling the police unless they are in extreme danger. I'll use your other advice, thank you.
   
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