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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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cant decide to report it? - June 6th 2016, 12:59 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Last night I had a nightmare about several different things that are part of my past. But there was one that did not happen *to* me but I was a daycare worker and the lady running it had very questionable behavior. But because I'm constantly in self-doubt about whether my own experiences are "real", I got into a whirl of doubts over the last two years about whether what happened in the daycare was acceptable. Something deep inside me tells me it's absolutely wrong what she's doing but the idea of making it a legal case is frightening and I dont know if there's enough evidence, or if her behavior is still in the "normal" range. I grew up not knowing what's okay and what's not okay to be done to me but for when it's done to others I usually am good at telling. I am angry at myself for not reporting sooner. During my time working at the daycare I managed to intervene and prevent things from getting worse such as standing up for certain kids who she would pick on but I was too scared to report it.

I get very occupied with it this among other things and have thought about reporting it but since so much time has past I dont really know. However she is still running the daycare and the more stressed out she is the more likely she'll do these behaviors to children ages 1.5 to 3 years. That's another reason I want to report it-they're children as opposed to an adult who can decide for themselves. I no longer work for her, the last time was summer of 2014. I was very close to quitting a few times but ended up waiting it out till the end of the summer and just didnt go back the following summer and dont plan to work for her this summer or at all. This means that I dont have any recent evidence but I know there are things she does purposely before inspection to prepare for the visit so I am thinking of just making a report that would allow someone to check in without notice.

What do you think and how do I go about doing this anonymously?

Also I feel so guilty for some reason for not doing this sooner and I feel like it's all my fault. I think it has to do with something else but I'm not sure.
   
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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 6th 2016, 04:02 PM

This is not your fault for not reporting. You didn't know what to do. All that matters now is that you want to get help for those kids. I really recommend seeing someone about this. Talk to the police or special victims unit. Its important and I think you know that too. I hope things get taken care of. And please don't feel guilty for not reporting. <3
   
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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 6th 2016, 06:05 PM

Don't feel angry for not reporting it sooner. Reporting is always a tough decision to make, but more so if it can be hard to distinguish whether the behaviour is acceptable or not.

I think it can help to make sure that there isn't a time limit on reporting first (some countries have a statute of limitations on the amount of time for a crime to be reported).

Running a day care is a big responsibility as the children are vulnerable, as you pointed out. In this case, inspections are important for checking the quality of care being provided. Is it possible to find out the company that carried out the inspection? You may be able to find out information about reporting from them. You could also state that you would like to remain anonymous, as I'm sure that they would understand.

Whatever happens, it's not your fault. It is the person who is running the day care that is at fault, not you.


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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 10th 2016, 01:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by perfectlyfalling View Post
This is not your fault for not reporting. You didn't know what to do. All that matters now is that you want to get help for those kids. I really recommend seeing someone about this. Talk to the police or special victims unit. Its important and I think you know that too. I hope things get taken care of. And please don't feel guilty for not reporting. <3

Thank you <3 Talking to the police or special victim unit would not allow me to be anonymous, I'm guessing.
Also I had bad experiences with police. One time my apartment was robbed when I was 8 years old. We called the police and they basically told us we must be lying and that we just messed the apartment on purpose so we can get compensation. The police was also really mean to my father, mocking him and saying he is deaf as a way to put him down (he isn't deaf, he just didn't catch what was said or something like that)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
Don't feel angry for not reporting it sooner. Reporting is always a tough decision to make, but more so if it can be hard to distinguish whether the behaviour is acceptable or not.

I think it can help to make sure that there isn't a time limit on reporting first (some countries have a statute of limitations on the amount of time for a crime to be reported).

Running a day care is a big responsibility as the children are vulnerable, as you pointed out. In this case, inspections are important for checking the quality of care being provided. Is it possible to find out the company that carried out the inspection? You may be able to find out information about reporting from them. You could also state that you would like to remain anonymous, as I'm sure that they would understand.

Whatever happens, it's not your fault. It is the person who is running the day care that is at fault, not you.
Thank you, Holly <3
I feel like I'm part of the abuse because I didn't do something about it, at least not enough.

The reason it is on my mind a lot now is because even though she runs the daycare all year, she increases the number of kids during the summer and makes it like a camp and any day now I will be getting a call from her asking me to work for her this summer. And that reminds me of the 2 summers I've worked for her. I'm looking for someplace else to work but I feel like I'm at a disadvantage because my first formal experience working with kids, I was taught all the wrong ways to treat them and I basically had to teach myself using past experiences to learn from and with thr help of online articles and reading books and I don't know if I'm doing it right.

I don't know who does the inspecting but I think it is a government agency. I can try contacting Child protection service and have them make an unsuspected visit. I feel like that's best because she can't hide it if she didn't have time to prepare. Then again she has been running this daycare close to 30 years (28ish or 29) and that feels intimidating. Also, she has a community to back her up even though she puts on a show for the parents (now she has a facebook page posting photos of the kids-although i was there when she first started doing that and it is SO staged. The kid was crying wanting to leave the swimming pool and she wouldnt let him leave till she got a picture of him smiling. He was 2 years old btw) and they don't see what goes on from my perspective. It sucks. Although I was looking up her reviews and a parent recently posted bad reviews for her saying she walked in, in the middle of the day and saw kids locked up in high chairs instead of being allowed to play and the lady running it not even present, somewhere in her bedroom doing her nails (very accurate but there's so much more too)
   
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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 12th 2016, 10:07 AM

I can totally relate to not knowing how to treat the children. But I think it's great that you are trying to learn from articles and books to make up for it. If you do get another job somewhere else, you can always try to watch the other staff and see how they handle things, or ask them questions on how they would deal with specific situations or behaviours, just to be sure.

Unsuspected inspections is definitely a good idea, and personally, I feel that they should be the norm for every establishment. While she may have been running the day care for 30 or so years, if she is doing it badly, it wont be unseen by an unsuspected inspector. And even if she has back up from parents, if all they get to see is the photos online, they'll change their mind if they see an inspection report saying otherwise.


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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 13th 2016, 04:25 AM

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Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
I can totally relate to not knowing how to treat the children. But I think it's great that you are trying to learn from articles and books to make up for it. If you do get another job somewhere else, you can always try to watch the other staff and see how they handle things, or ask them questions on how they would deal with specific situations or behaviours, just to be sure.

Unsuspected inspections is definitely a good idea, and personally, I feel that they should be the norm for every establishment. While she may have been running the day care for 30 or so years, if she is doing it badly, it wont be unseen by an unsuspected inspector. And even if she has back up from parents, if all they get to see is the photos online, they'll change their mind if they see an inspection report saying otherwise.
That makes sense. I do watch videos from time to time and I hope to get a job soon but that may not happen anytime soon =\

I did some searching around. I've found hotlines I can call and I am thinking of calling even if it will mean not being anonymous but I dont know what else I can do. I did not find anything about the time expiring to report. I think the focus isn't only on past things she's done that i've witnessed but things she can still possibly do as her daycare is still opened and her behaviors have been overlooked for so long. So I am trying to think how to frame this. I am scared of getting dismissed, being told it was stupid to report and the like and even scarier if a professional like a police or officer tells that to me. But I plan to call within the next few days after I prepare a little more.
   
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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 14th 2016, 12:26 PM

I think it's understandable that given the person's record, you would be worried about them continuing to offer daycare. And I think it's quite common to worry about reporting things and being told it's not important enough. However, whenever children or vulnerable people are involved, reports should always be taken seriously, so hopefully, you wont get told you were being stupid to report. But yeah, take your time to plan this. I guess you could always say that you would like to remain anonymous, even if you call a hotline, it's worth a try.


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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 17th 2016, 07:12 PM

So I've searched for a number I can call. But this is for suspected abuse of a child or multiple children and there are questions that will be asked like what is this child's name and address and whatnot and that's not really what I'm looking for. I am not finding how I can report the daycare practice itself not a particular child. I mean the particular children I was caring for have all aged out by now. I also found something saying a list of Mandated reporters and according to that list-since I was a daycare worker, I am a mandated reporter. But what is confusing is that I never got training or any kind of information and I know there's something of that sort for official daycare workers. For me, it was like a here and there summer job thing. I did get fingerprinted but that was if there was an incident in which *I* was suspected to be doing abusive things-which as far as I know, I hadn't done at all and am trying to report someone else. But I am confused like why I wasnt told specifically if I am mandated reporter or not and how to identify abuse or neglect and how to approach it, what the procedures are etc. This is really confusing and idk what to do.
   
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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 17th 2016, 09:27 PM

I am really surprised to hear that you weren't told you were a mandated reporter, and that you weren't briefed on child protection etc. That in itself doesn't sound like very good practice. Even if it was only a summer job, I would've expected you to have been briefed on these things, just in case.

Is it possible to find out if there are previous inspection reports online, as this might help find a way of filing a complaint against the daycare, rather than trying to report to Child Protection, if they are mainly wanting individual children. If you're in the US, Child Care Aware may help a bit.


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Re: cant decide to report it? - June 24th 2016, 01:50 PM

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Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
I am really surprised to hear that you weren't told you were a mandated reporter, and that you weren't briefed on child protection etc. That in itself doesn't sound like very good practice. Even if it was only a summer job, I would've expected you to have been briefed on these things, just in case.

Is it possible to find out if there are previous inspection reports online, as this might help find a way of filing a complaint against the daycare, rather than trying to report to Child Protection, if they are mainly wanting individual children. If you're in the US, Child Care Aware may help a bit.

So I went to an orientation for a youth employment program. I was asked if I had experience in childcare before as that is the work I'm interested in. I told them yes. They then put down a check mark for yes, i had training. They did not ask me if I had training though. I did not have training though but I guess that's the assumption that's been made. If a person has held a job in childcare, they would have gotten the training beforehand. That's not the case for me.


I will look into Childcare Aware. Right now I am trying to get a job at a different childcare place and in the meantime I am still seeing how I can report this as anonymously as possible. Someone who worked at this daycare too, agrees it's report worthy but warned me of getting involved. They said dont do it if you cant anonymously. Part of me doesn't care of the consequences of being identified, for the sake of the children at the daycare who deserve better, but it's still making me hesitant. I feel like a coward.


Edit: Just wanted to thank you Holly, for helping me through this. So I submitted a question to Childcare Aware under the "Ask an Expert" feature on their website. Hopefully that will help some and I can be directed on what to do.

Last edited by ~Radio Flyer~; June 24th 2016 at 08:06 PM.
   
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