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Question Was it Rape? - June 8th 2016, 05:34 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Last summer I was sexually assaulted by my best friend. He had made physical advances that I told him I was uncomfortable with.
One night at a music festival, we got drunk. He went to sleep in his sleeping bag long before I did. When I went to my sleeping bag, he rolled over and started trying to engage me physically (I don't think he was still drunk). Eventually, he was fingering me. I was on my period, had a tampon in, and it was very painful. I just closed my eyes as tight as I could and cried a little bit. I've read that any penetration counts as rape, but I've also read that "only" intercourse and oral sex count as rape.
Was what happened to me rape or assault?
For months after he continued to make physical advances and emotionally abused me until I was able to completely get him cut out from my life (with the help of my incredible best friend)
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Re: Was it Rape? - June 8th 2016, 08:08 AM

Hello there,

From the details that you are mentioning, it sounds like it was sexual assault or sexual harassment that your former best friend committed. I wouldn't call it rape because he didn't strip off your clothes or had oral sex with you against your will. It's good that you cut off contact with him thanks to the help of your other best friend. However, if you are scared that he will do it again, my advice to you would be to file a sexual harassment report to your local police station, and seek safety, whether it'd be a battered women's shelter, or even a friend's place where the guy won't know where you're at. Make sure that you don't go to places where he'll know that you're at. I'm sure that if you file a report to the police, they will suggest some instruction as to what will be best for you to do with your situation. If you are uncomfortable going alone to the police station, ask that best friend of yours to help you by having that person go with you to file the report.

If you are given the option of getting a restraining order on him, I would recommend not to get one, but I'll leave that entirely up to you. Only you know what's best for you to do in this situation. However, I will let you know that a restraining order may not keep him from making those forceful sexual advances towards you, especially since he sounds like the type of guy that can't take no for an answer. Keep that in mind.

I wish you all the best with your situation, and I hope everything improves.

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Re: Was it Rape? - June 8th 2016, 06:34 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that. I think it depends on what context you are trying to define rape. Depending on where you are, legally, rape may be defined as penetration of the mouth, anus or vagina with a penis. However, a lot of definitions online offer another explanation of 'digital rape' which is penetration involving objects or other body parts. Whether it was rape or not, it was definitely a serious sexual assault.

I'm really glad that this guy is now out of your life. You could report it, if you wanted to, but that's entirely your decision. You might also find it helpful to talk to a counsellor about what you experienced, as they offer a safe place to explore your feelings, given what you have been through.

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Re: Was it Rape? - June 10th 2016, 03:30 AM

Hey there,

As Holly said, different places have different definitions of what counts as rape. So, if you want you can look up your city or state or town and see what it says. But, even if this was not rape according to the laws in your area it was still sexual assault. Whenever someone engages sexually with someone without their consent it is sexual assault in my books.

I hope you know how brave you are for having the courage to get away from this person. I know how hard it can be to end friendships even if they are unhealthy or dangerous for us.

If you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

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