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I Can't Talk About It - June 22nd 2016, 12:27 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't talk about this, it's destroying me inside, my life, how I feel, how I view the world and my surroundings, actions, and everything else in-between. I had a session this morning and I couldn't bring it up, I sat there crying, barely said anything. I wanted to. I just can't talk about it.

I can't talk (verbally) about how 3-4 men attacked me then robbed me. I was lucky they didn't kill me. Walked away with a concussion, a sprained ankle, and a stolen phone I need to pay for, plus ambulance fees.

No one is helping me. I feel I am drowning. I understand the Robbery Unit is doing everything they can, I understand that. I know I have my counselor but I simply can't talk about it. I am traumatized. It affects me.

They've arrested and charged one of the suspects who is 15 years old. A 15 year old assaulted me, robbed me, a 15 year old just threw his bloody life out the window. A child... Maybe that is my issue, I can't comprehend a child would do that.

I don't feel safe outside or going places. I don't like people near me, I don't like when males are walking where I am or close to me while in public. I am scared that one of those Religion people will walk up to me with a stupid book and my response is to smack the person. (I've had them come out of nowhere and stood right beside me with a book right in my face) On the city bus, when someone sits next to me my automatic thoughts are to be angry and be prepared to fight back if they do something. I don't want to live my life like this... it's scary. I talk to myself saying I am safe and that there is people around me that seem to have the right heart in place. It doesn't always work.

I was suppose to get allergy testing done today but since it was in the area where I was assaulted and robbed I refused to go because I felt something is going to happen. Found out, someone got stabbed where I would have been in that area at that same time.

I can't do this anymore. It's too much.

I am broke because I can't work or live a normal life anymore. I am trying to live a healthy life and talk to myself out of these thoughts, having these thoughts to attack others if they get in my space or walking down the street having urges to scream bloody murder for no reason at all. It's making me uncomfortable. I want the 15 year old to remember my face and I will make sure he will remember my face when I need to go to Court. I want the others found, they all deserve to rot in a cell.

I am suppose to give a audio/video statement tomorrow, what the hell are they going to think about these thoughts I am having? Talk about being sent to a damn hospital.

I am so lost right now.

I just don't know why I can't talk about what happened that day. Hardly anyone knows it happened to me... no one knows, they all know nothing.


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Re: I Can't Talk About It - June 22nd 2016, 12:36 AM

Hi,
I'm sorry to hear you've gone through that, must be awful. Do you think you can ask a friend to come with you? I mean, ask him/her to be with you and thus try and make you feel safer?
Also, do you think it would be helpful if you wrote something down, like you've just done, so that your counsellor can read it and then get an idea of what is going through your head?
Also, do you think you will feel safer or more confident if you take self defence classes and thus will be able to stand up by yourself?
Hope I helped.
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