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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
josi_gracee Offline
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14 years of hitting. - May 18th 2009, 09:07 PM

Hi, I am seventeen years old and i live in southern Georgia. I was wondering if i could move out of my house at this age? I been told i could and i couldnt, but im not too sure. I am too scared to ask my parents because they..arent willing to give me that type of information. Also my stepdad hits me, well punches me in the head and hits it up against the wall. he throws me on the ground and leaves marks on my legs and stomach sometimes, I dont know how to deal with this, its been going on for 14 years..i dont want to ruin my my mom and brothers life by turning him in, but i want out. what should i do?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 14 years of hitting. - May 18th 2009, 09:20 PM

Hey there. Welcome to TH

Does anyone else know about the abuse? I really think you need to turn him in. You don't deserve to ever have to deal with this kind of thing. You did nothing to deserve it. I understand not wanting to mess things up for the rest of your family, but this guy is a scumbag. He can't honestly be all nice and sweet to them if he could do what he does to you. You may actually be saving them from abuse if you turn him in. Besides, he doesn't deserve to get away with this. Go to the police, tell them what's going on.

Also, could you maybe stay at a friends house for a bit if it get's too bad?

Really, just go to the police with this, don't let that creep get away with this any longer.

*hug* Hope you're ok, PM me anytime, I'm always happy to help.


~Cody

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Last edited by TheNumber42; May 19th 2009 at 01:00 AM.
   
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Re: 14 years of hitting. - May 18th 2009, 10:08 PM

Hey Josi,

Welcome to Teenhelp.

First things first, this is one of the bravest things you can do. Fourteen years is way too long, a day is too long. No one deserves this!!

There is nothing that you have ever done to deserve this and it is not okay to live with. I know you love your family a lot despite what you've been dealing with durring the past fourteen years but you would not be ruining their lives by turning him in. Its hard to believe but its the truth. Have you thought about the fact that this abuse has ruined your childhood?

This is not okay and you do not have to deal with this any longer. You have the strength to turn him in. No human being should have to tolerate any type of abuse and its amazing you're strong enough to still be reaching for help.

To answer your question about moving out, since you're living in the U.S. the answer is yes although particular details probably differ according to states. You can move in with another adult or family member once you're 16 and you do not need a parent's consent as long as you're not reported as a runaway case. If that were to happen the police would be involved, which would not be a bad thing.

What your father is doing to you is terrible and you have done nothing to deserve his abuse. This is not okay, but you can turn this around by turning him in. Tell a trusted adult, this is not okay and you don't have to deal with this any longer.

Stay strong, and feel free to send me a message.

Good luck.


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Re: 14 years of hitting. - May 18th 2009, 11:44 PM

Hey. I'm really sorry that you've been going through all of this, especially for so long. No one deserves this at all, and your step dad has no right to treat you the way that he has been.

First of all, do you have anyone that you would feel comfortable sharing all of this with? I know it's hard to take the step and tell someone about what's been going on, especially after so many years of this happening. But I think a lot of times telling someone about what's going on can really help you to decide what's best to do in the situation. Deciding what to do in a situation like this is hard as it is, but even harder if you're alone in the process. I really think you might benefit from speaking up and telling someone about what's been happening all these years.

Second, I think it may be a better idea to stay with someone that you trust as of now, until you can come up with a better solution, or at least until you're a legal adult and there wouldn't be any issues that could possibly stand in the way. Is there any other close relatives that you could confide in and stay with for awhile, until you can think through everything? I'm sure there's at least someone you know who would be glad to let you stay with them for awhile.

As for turning your step dad in, I really think it's something you may want to think through. I know that it's something that would be hard to do, that's obvious, but at least think about it. If you do end up confiding in someone about this, you could even have that person come with you when you talk to the police. Your step dad does not deserve to get away with this. No one's pressuring you to turn him in right away, but I'd at least try think it through, and at least consider it.

I'm really sorry you've been going through all of this, but I can promise you that there is a solution, even if it takes more time than you would like to reach it. Best of luck with everything. I'm always here if you need anyone to talk to :]





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Re: 14 years of hitting. - May 18th 2009, 11:49 PM

You should call the police when he abuses you.


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Re: 14 years of hitting. - May 19th 2009, 03:12 AM

Hey,

First of all, I'm sorry you have to learn how to cope with anything like this. It isn't right for anyone to have to be brought up in. You don't deserve anything that has happened and I really want you to know that it isn't your fault. Even if you don't blame yourself, I'm mentioning it because many people do. There is nothing you can do wrong enough to deserve a physical punishment like that from your step-dad. Even some forms of other punishment can be considered abuse. You're supposed to feel safe in your home and this is the exact opposite. You deserve better. Your family does.

Saying that, you could probably move out with parental consent, if you were to move into a friend/family members home. If you want to move out on your own, you would need to be of legal age to do so. Though, there are other ways to get out. There are other ways to stop the abuse. Any type of confrontation is scary, true, but it's worth it. You can prevent this from happening ever again. If I were you, I would discuss leaving the house with the rest of the family. Are they abused too? Do they want else? This is information that would be helpful to know in the attempt to stop your step-father. If you and your family aren't all ready to pack up and leave, I suggest telling an officer.

I realize the fear of breaking your family, but it isn't whole to begin with. It isn't healthy with the abuse occurring and by confronting it, you can save everyone else from the further or future pain it can cause. Tell someone and allow yourself the chance to be helped. Abuse can easily get out of control and something worse can happen, something that can cause permanent physical damage. Don't let things continue until then. Whether your family decides to leave first or not, I suggest telling a member of authority. Your step dad deserves to be found guilty of his actions. I realize you might care for him, and the authorities can get him the help he needs to stop being abusive if there is some reason for it. He can get more help through the police than if you stay quiet.

This is a big decision and a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders. Please know you're never alone. You have a whole community behind you here. We're all willing to help you. Also, feel free to talk to me individually or call a help-line near you for vocal support. You can do this and I have no doubt in that. Take care.

~Stay strong and have faith.


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Re: 14 years of hitting. - May 19th 2009, 04:30 AM

thank you for your advise and care. as for the police, i have tried that.. but whenever i get the courage to, i back down out of it. he can be nice at times, but i really am tired of this. i have 10 more months till im 18, but i dont want to wait. if i get a restaraining order do you think that might help, maybe help me get out of this house..?
   
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Re: 14 years of hitting. - May 19th 2009, 11:48 PM

Well, if you can get a restraining order, he won't be allowed around you, so I think that would help.

The main thing is to just tell someone. You don't deserve to endure this for even one more day than you have to.


~Cody

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Re: 14 years of hitting. - May 21st 2009, 08:17 PM

Hey,

I am so happy you decided to come here and ask for help. You've already made a big positive step by reaching out to us. Now, all you have to do is reach out to someone in your daily life that can assist you better. By reporting your step father you are not ruining your family's lives. On the contrary, he is the one ruining things when he decides to abuse you. He knows what he is doing is wrong and yet he chooses to hurt you anyway. When he makes the choice to break the law like that he also makes the choice to be responsible for those actions. That responsibility means he is willing to accept the consequences of his actions. When someone knowingly breaks the law they also know what kind of penalty might come from their crimes. You aren't doing anything wrong by turning him in. In fact, turning him in is the right thing to do. What if one day he decided to hurt your mom or your little brother? How would you feel knowing you had the power to stop him but did nothing? There is a saying that 'you'll keep making excuses for him [your abuser] until he kills you.' Stop making excuses for your step dad. Stop making excuses as to why you can't tell someone about the abuse. There is no excuse for not standing up for yourself and not only protecting yourself but your whole family. You are strong enough to let someone know what is going on. You just have to believe in our own strength and think about how much better your life will be without him. You have many options of people to tell. You can tell a teacher, a guidance counselor, a neighbor, a relative, any trusted adult, the police, or you could even call a child abuse hotline. You can find a number for a hotline in your area HERE. Another option would be telling one of your friends about what is going on and having them come to the police station or guidance counselor with you. You have so many options at your disposal. Some states even let you report child abuse through a form online. I really hope you make the right decision and get yourself out of that harmful environment. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. You are not alone and there are people willing to help you through this. Take care and hang in there.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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