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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
crystalpanda Offline
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my father - July 13th 2016, 10:03 PM

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since I was a kid as in a baby I cant remember a time when I haven't been raped, my biological father raped me until he killed himself when I was about 8 years old, he whored me out to his friends and let them gang rape me and made spiders bite me and nearly killed me more times then I could count, the kicker is that my father blamed me for him killing himself because I told my mum, I have been trying to kill myself since because of that, I still believe that its my fault. none of his family talk to me they all blame me. I haven't told anyone everything that happened because im terrified, and I get scared of males very very very eaisly
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my father - July 14th 2016, 11:47 AM

Crystal,

I'm so sorry to hear about your childhood abuse. I can't imagine how that must've been for you. You went through stuff that no-one should ever have to go through. And if there's one thing I'm sure about, is that it wasn't your fault; the abuse, your dad killing himself, none of it was your fault. The blame lies with your dad for what he did to you; not only raping you, and exploiting you, but also blaming you for his actions.

I'm really glad that you were able to tell your mom what had happened, though I'm sorry that your dad's family don't talk to you anymore. They shouldn't blame you for what happened at all, but denial is a powerful thing, and perhaps it's too horrifying for them to accept the truth that your dad was a rapist and abuser.

It's understandable that you would get scared of males very easily. You've been through a lot and I know that after being violated, it's hard to trust anyone, particularly males if you were abused by a male in the past. I'm also sorry to hear that you have tried to kill yourself. If you ever feel suicidal, please go to your nearest ER, or call a hotline, our list can be found here. I'm also going to link you our 'reasons to live' as I think it's important that despite everything you have been through, that you keep on living and find something to help you with that.

I know it's scary and difficult opening up to others. But you've done well opening up here. Do you think your mom was supportive, when you told her what happened? Perhaps you could try talking to her again, and letting her know that it still affects you now. You could also talk to your doctor or find a counsellor, as it might help for you to process your feelings and try to heal from everything you have been through. You deserve to live a happy life, and you don't need the guilt, shame and blame from your past haunting you. Therapy can help you to deal with these feelings so that you can be more free from them, so it's worth looking into.

Take care


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
crystalpanda Offline
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Re: my father - July 14th 2016, 02:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
Crystal,

I'm so sorry to hear about your childhood abuse. I can't imagine how that must've been for you. You went through stuff that no-one should ever have to go through. And if there's one thing I'm sure about, is that it wasn't your fault; the abuse, your dad killing himself, none of it was your fault. The blame lies with your dad for what he did to you; not only raping you, and exploiting you, but also blaming you for his actions.

I'm really glad that you were able to tell your mom what had happened, though I'm sorry that your dad's family don't talk to you anymore. They shouldn't blame you for what happened at all, but denial is a powerful thing, and perhaps it's too horrifying for them to accept the truth that your dad was a rapist and abuser.

It's understandable that you would get scared of males very easily. You've been through a lot and I know that after being violated, it's hard to trust anyone, particularly males if you were abused by a male in the past. I'm also sorry to hear that you have tried to kill yourself. If you ever feel suicidal, please go to your nearest ER, or call a hotline, our list can be found here. I'm also going to link you our 'reasons to live' as I think it's important that despite everything you have been through, that you keep on living and find something to help you with that.

I know it's scary and difficult opening up to others. But you've done well opening up here. Do you think your mom was supportive, when you told her what happened? Perhaps you could try talking to her again, and letting her know that it still affects you now. You could also talk to your doctor or find a counsellor, as it might help for you to process your feelings and try to heal from everything you have been through. You deserve to live a happy life, and you don't need the guilt, shame and blame from your past haunting you. Therapy can help you to deal with these feelings so that you can be more free from them, so it's worth looking into.

Take care

I am seeing 2 different therapists, mum does know, she over reacts, I will live but its difficult sometimes, I have learnt to try and block everything out but it is hard, I get flashbacks and nightmares, I cant remember everything but I get bits and pieces but its hard to handle.
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: my father - July 16th 2016, 11:45 AM

Glad to hear that you are seeing therapists. I hope that they are helping a bit. I think it's understandable that your mum may over react a bit- she does love you and want to protect you.

Blocking things out while it may be useful in the short term, in the long term can make things more difficult such as flashbacks and nightmares, especially if these things only show fragments of what happened. To deal with flashbacks, it can help to do some grounding exercises like stamping your feet, clapping your hands, and using all your other senses (touch, taste, smell, hearing) to ground you into the present. You can also reassure yourself that you are safe now and that what happened in the nightmares or flashbacks was in the past. It might help to calm you down a bit. You could also ask your therapists if they do EMDR as that can also help process memories in the hope that you'll have less frequent flashbacks.


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crystalpanda Offline
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Re: my father - July 18th 2016, 04:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
Glad to hear that you are seeing therapists. I hope that they are helping a bit. I think it's understandable that your mum may over react a bit- she does love you and want to protect you.

Blocking things out while it may be useful in the short term, in the long term can make things more difficult such as flashbacks and nightmares, especially if these things only show fragments of what happened. To deal with flashbacks, it can help to do some grounding exercises like stamping your feet, clapping your hands, and using all your other senses (touch, taste, smell, hearing) to ground you into the present. You can also reassure yourself that you are safe now and that what happened in the nightmares or flashbacks was in the past. It might help to calm you down a bit. You could also ask your therapists if they do EMDR as that can also help process memories in the hope that you'll have less frequent flashbacks.

they are terrifying, I loose it I don't know what to do.. I keep trying but it is hard, I cry and shake when it happens
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
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Re: my father - July 19th 2016, 08:13 PM

Do you notice if anything triggers the flashbacks? If you do, you can make a list of your triggers and try to avoid them. It might also help if you create a 'safe place' so that whenever you have a flashback or nightmare, you can go to your safe place which might make it easier to calm down, ground yourself, and get out of the flashback. You can find out more about safe places, here.

I'm sorry to hear that the flashbacks are hard to deal with, even though you try. Keep trying and if things don't get better, it may be worth talking to your therapists about dealing with flashbacks and see what they suggest.


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
crystalpanda Offline
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Re: my father - July 20th 2016, 09:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
Do you notice if anything triggers the flashbacks? If you do, you can make a list of your triggers and try to avoid them. It might also help if you create a 'safe place' so that whenever you have a flashback or nightmare, you can go to your safe place which might make it easier to calm down, ground yourself, and get out of the flashback. You can find out more about safe places, here.

I'm sorry to hear that the flashbacks are hard to deal with, even though you try. Keep trying and if things don't get better, it may be worth talking to your therapists about dealing with flashbacks and see what they suggest.
I have had brain scans as well because I cant sleep without having nightmares, I am on medication to help with my anexity but I still have anxiety attacks each time, there are lots of triggers, sex, men, men that look like my dad, certain songs, certain places, words, a certain look in someones eye, but my fiancť doesn't trigger me, well he tries not too but he cant help it, I tend to not tell him, I am looking at the link you sent now.
   
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