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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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i think i tell too many people - August 26th 2016, 03:24 AM

as a result of being raped, i've become quite numb to how meaningful sex can really be. the word, the things associated with it, everything about sex really doesn't mean much to me, and i don't think it really will until i actually fall in love and lose my emotional virginity, since the physical one has already been stolen.
if that all makes sense.

so i really have a hard time understanding why it's a subject that's skirted around in general, and i'm actually pretty open about the rape by now. i don't really care when new people find out on accident.
of course, i don't just go up to random strangers and tell them. and with guys i'm talking to it's nearly impossible to judge when to tell them, because obviously if we date they're going to need to know at some point, why some nights i just won't be in the mood no matter what they do.

but today these two new girls, a grade below me, i had just met through a mutual friend asked me who i was dating, because apparently they remembered me dating someone last year.
and i immediately thought that they were perhaps interested in how attractive my ex was, and wanted to know his name and more about him. i don't know why i thought that... i guess because i kind of feel like it's my duty now to warn other girls not to fall into the same trap i did.

so i told them his name and said we weren't together anymore. and they asked why. and i told them he just wanted sex.
and they kept asking more.
until finally i just told them the ultra simplified version of the story. (he just wanted sex, i didn't want to lose my virginity to him, we broke up because of that, later reconnected as just FWB, just did oral, until he got tired and raped me. which i recently found out he had been planning to do the entire time.)

and one of the girls just looked kind of weirded out and like "why tf would she tell us this". the other girl was kind of laughing, and had this cocky attitude. she was like, "so technically you're still a virgin." (and i tell everyone who asks that i actually fucked a few different guys after the rape, just because i didn't care anymore. that's not true, i did mess around, but only once. because i don't want to be known as "technically a virgin". it's weird, but i just don't want to, so i do lie about it.)
and i told my story of, "no, i did a lot after it happened."

she just kept asking shit like "well if he really raped you, why didn't you tell anyone?"
and i mean, these are reasonable questions, but just the attitude she was giving me. almost like it was a joke and she didn't believe me anyway.

and i was only telling her this to warn her about my ex, not to even talk to him because i know for a fact he's planned to rape other girls after me. (he hasn't done it yet because someone intervened, but i'm sure he's still just waiting for the time to be right.)


so i'm kinda just thinking i should shut up about it. why should it be my job to warn them anyway.
is it weird for me to tell people that, for the reason of warning them? i don't know if i'm in the wrong for not being able to empathize with why it might be thought of as wrong for me to talk about it so openly. or if they're in the wrong for treating it like a joke.


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Re: i think i tell too many people - August 26th 2016, 10:01 PM

Hey,

It is entirely up to you and how you feel about disclosing this. I think that if you are comfortable with being open about it you should continue talking about it because you have nothing to be ashamed of and you shouldn't let rude people shame you into staying quiet. If that makes sense. There are going to be people who will respond to this quite well. There are going to be people who respond poorly such as these girls. Personally, I find that people who are open about their rape/abuse help me find the courage to be open about my own experiences. It's easier for me to talk about things if I know someone can relate to some degree. So, talking about it openly might give someone strength to talk about their own experiences. I know that might not be what you are looking for but it's something I have witnessed and experienced.

You are under no obligation to warn people about your Ex either. If the only reason you are talking about it is to warn people and it's something that makes you uncomfortable then you have every right to stop talking about it.

I hope this helped and if you ever want to chat feel free to message me.


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Re: i think i tell too many people - August 27th 2016, 04:42 PM

It's great that you feel comfortable enough to openly talk about your rape. Unfortunately, there can be a stigma attached to rape, and sometimes people don't understand or don't know what to say. For example the 'why didn't you tell anyone?' question...anyone who has gone through a rape will know that it's difficult to talk about right after the rape, and there are many feelings like shame and guilt which can mean people stay quiet. Clearly, the person who asked that doesn't know the effects that rape can have on people. But just because some people might not understand, it doesn't mean that you should not tell anyone anymore. It's up to you, what you choose to do.

I don't think it's weird for you at all to tell others, even if it's just to warn them. But you don't have to do this either.

However you choose to deal with things by talking about the rape, warning others, or not, is up to you. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' about whether or not you tell others.


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