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estebansfiesta Offline
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Exclamation Peace of Mind - September 13th 2016, 01:14 AM

So, I posted on here a long time ago about when I was raped by my (now ex) boyfriend. He was mentally and sexually abusive to me for 3 years before I got fed up with it and broke up with him. Part of that mental abuse was that he threatened me with physical harm; he only actually hurt me one time, other than that it was just threats (including, but not limited to, death threats). The only reason I felt safe enough to break up with him without immediate danger was because I had moved a few months prior, and there were at least 2 hours between us.
Flash forward to two weeks ago when I moved to college. I knew he was going to the same college as me, but I go to a really big school and we have different majors, so I didn't expect to see him at all. However, in the two weeks I've been on campus, I've physically run into him at least three times. He hasn't tried to contact me or anything, but it's very unnerving that he lives so close to me and our paths cross so often. I also have an anxiety disorder that is making it incredibly hard to function because I'm afraid of running into him at all times.
I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to deal with this, and what I can do to get some peace of mind. I have barely left my dorm room for anything other than classes since moving in, and I would really like to put myself out there and make some new friends, but I just can't get past this.
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Re: Peace of Mind - September 13th 2016, 02:35 PM

You said you felt safe breaking up with him because of how far away he was. I know he is a lot closer now, but it might help to try to make reasons why you are safe again. For instance, one of the reasons that you are safe is that when you run into him, you're in a public place and (hopefully) are surrounded by plenty of other people. You might feel a little less anxious if you can brainstorm a few reasons and hold onto them.

Do you think it would help to make a plan as to what you can do if you run into him? You can play that in your mind when you're walking around campus. Maybe if you see him coming in the opposite direction, you can move off to the right. You can talk to yourself in your head and tell yourself that you're okay. You're safe; he's just going to walk by and that is likely all he will do. Is it possible for you to take different routes to your classes?

I think you'd benefit from doing some extra self-care things. Definitely eat, sleep, and otherwise take care of yourself, but maybe you can go out of your way to do something for you. Maybe you can read a book that isn't school related, apply your favorite body lotion, or listen to music for a while.

Do you already have any friends or acquaintances at school now? If so, maybe you can plan on going out together with them if you do not want to walk around alone. If you don't have any friends yet, maybe you can see if your campus has any workshops or anything extra you can get involved in.

I really hope that you can find a way to cope with what you're going through because you deserve to feel safe and to enjoy school.

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Re: Peace of Mind - September 13th 2016, 02:55 PM

Well, firstly, i'm so sorry to hear whats going on.
Next, firstly, perhaps you could try to get a friend or acquaintance to hang out with you while you go between classes. That should help you.
Next, maybe consider taking some self defense classes. Krav Maga is a violent, lethal and extremely effective martial art, to keep yourself safe. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is another great one.
I hope this gets better for you.
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