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Exclamation help - January 20th 2017, 10:43 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Friday 20 Jan
It's really bad today. I almost couldn't find motivation to get out of bed.

What my boyfriend did, I left me messed up. My depression is back, I feel violated and disgusting. I can't sleep but only a few minutes at a time and constantly in a dream state. I keep hoping to wake up and it had just been a bad dream. I can't find motivation for hardly anything. Food doesn't even hold satisfaction for me now. I've just been keeping up a front in front of my parents but it's not going to last forever.
I'm scared I might break soon. I'm scared that I will finally end it, it's the fact that I want to break is what scares me. I want want to break and end it. At least that way, it will not hurt anymore.
   
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Re: help - January 21st 2017, 11:19 PM

I am really sorry to hear that your boyfriend harmed you. What he did was wrong and it's bound to make things feel very difficult. You said you're having trouble sleeping. Have you found anything to help with it? Maybe you can sleep with a light on, lock your door, or keep a stuffed animal by your side to feel comforted. Whatever brings you comfort in a healthy way is worth trying.

That dream state you feel could be dissociation which is when you mentally leave when you're unable to physically leave a bad situation you're in. Dissociation can be safer sometimes but if you're looking to get out of that state, try to do things to stimulate your five senses. For example, suck on a mint, burn a candle, or take a walk in the fresh smelling air.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? If you're not comfortable telling your parents is there anyone else? Maybe another relative, teacher, friend, or counselor? You don't deserve to do this alone. If you don't want to talk to someone, consider keeping a journal or doing something to express your feelings.

Feel free to send me a message if you need someone to talk to.


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Re: help - January 26th 2017, 01:25 AM

Hun,

What was done to you was a terrible, terrible thing and no part of it, no matter what the media and celebrities may want you to believe, is your fault whatsoever. I don't know how long ago this happened or how old you are, but have you considered reaching out to somebody you trust or even authorities in order to convey what happened? As odd as it sounds, saying out loud that it did in fact happen can help you with a degree of acceptance. Now, that is not to say that you have to accept what happened to you in any manner. I still haven't accepted what happened to me when I was six-years-old. I'm not sure I ever will. Believe me, I know that sleeping is a very difficult thing to do. Sometimes, I know it is hard to tell what is a nightmare and what is a reality. Definitely try what was suggested. I found that sleeping with my door open and with a light on made me feel so much safer. 20 years later and I still absolutely cannot sleep unless I have a night light. I also sleep with a pillow pet and two stuffed animals that I tend to cuddle with more than my wife. Motivation may lack for a little while but please, know that this feeling does not last. Your appetite will return, sleep will come easier and motivation will come back. Ending your precious life would do nothing but give him the satisfaction of knowing that he completely broke you and that the secret of his terrible deed will go unknown to those who love and care about you. Please, don't give him that satisfaction. If you need somebody to talk to, somebody that can relate, please, know that I am here. I will help out in whatever way I can. Just know that, things can get better.


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