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-   -   Triggering (Abuse): Happened awhile ago. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f13-rape-abuse/t149802-happened-awhile-ago/)

Svetlanavolkova February 4th 2017 06:51 PM

Happened awhile ago.
When I was still living in Russia I was with my mom. My dad left when I was around 6. I did see him later on but he left us when I was that age. When I was that young I didn't fully understand what heir to me was wrong, all the abuse. Even when he threatened me. My mom always blamed my dad leaving and I was really upset. I truly loved him. I never wanted him to leave me. I'd wait every night for him to come back. I was afraid of him but I wanted him. I think that this has definitle affected the way I see men, especially older men. Something stupid about me (and embarrassing) is that I look for guys to call my dad. I'm not looking for anything sexual, but guys usually take advantage of me anyway. There's noyhomh more o truly wamt than a dad. Its all I've ever wanted. I know I'm getting too old for this and its stupid, but its all I want.

DeletedAccount24 February 4th 2017 07:42 PM

Re: Happened awhile ago.
Well, I mean, it makes sense. The men in your life, like your uncle and your dad, have hurt you and abandoned you. You need a male figure in your life to look up to, and it's not always in a sexual way. Do you have a close male friend you could talk to? Maybe you can start a sort of thing where he's a brotherly figure instead of a fatherly figure. The right man to look up to will come along at some point.

I'm sorry for the mess your uncle and father have put you through.

Svetlanavolkova February 4th 2017 07:44 PM

No, I don't have any male friends. I wish I did. I'd prefer a father figure, I've been trying to get over this but I can't.

I just want a dad so badly.

Celyn February 4th 2017 09:23 PM

Re: Happened awhile ago.
I am really sorry to hear about what your dad did to you. All your feelings are understandable though, and I do know the feeling of desperately wanting a parental figure in your life.

Kaleidoscope's idea about making male friends who can take a brotherly kind of role was good, though I'm sorry that you don't have any male friends.

I know it's hard to accept but no-one can replace your dad. It's okay to have male role models, and perhaps a fatherly figure, but it's unfair on someone to take on a father role towards you.

Are you in counselling? Perhaps you can talk with a male counsellor about this? It might help a bit being able to open up and get close with a male in a safe and supportive environment.

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