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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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MerESSAMaid Offline
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Mentally&Verbally abusive Grandpa. - March 10th 2017, 05:22 AM

Ever since I was little my Grandpa has held a grudge against me because I whipped off a kiss he gave me when I was asleep. But I did and still do that with everyone. Anyways when I was little we would get along sometimes. Our relationship is a love/hate relationship. We are so much alike that we butt heads constantly.

Anyways my grandpa alwasy picks on me. He class me lazy, he will comment on what i am eating, and say shit like don't you think you've had enough. Shit like that. He has hit me before with a hanger just because I told he that my shirt didn't go where he was putting it in my closet when I was about 8. He is always nagging be. Tell me shit, he can never just talk to me he always talks down to me. The other day he looked at me and said "so you've run out of places on your body, so your now cutting on your stomach".

He yelled at me the other day to shut the hell up even though I was the one who had the answer to his question. He just brings me down all the damn time. He will comment on the way i dress and tell me stuff like Oh that shirt looks ugly on you, or are you really going to wear that. He hates my hair and how it is shaved on one side and dyed non-natuarl colors.

He comments on my piercing and how I'm just waisting money.

He is really mean and it has gotten to the point that I can't take it anymore, but I can't move because I'm so dependent on my grandma and I don't have the money or skills to move out.

It just makes me feel like shit and he is a big reason on why i cut a lot. If I ask him a question he will answer me like he is scolding a child. He does it in a mean nasty voice all the time.

I am so used to it that it is a natuaral thing I endure everyday. But there is only a certain amount of this I can take.


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Re: Mentally&Verbally abusive Grandpa. - March 10th 2017, 11:50 AM

Dear Essa,

I'm very sorry to hear that.
I understand that your Grandpa is your family, and it's really hurtful if a member of one's family behaves like that. I believe the things your Grandpa said to you are unacceptable.
I can't understand why he would hurt you like that. However, there is always a solution to a problem.
Have you ever tried to talk to him? To talk frankly and honestly about your feelings? If you are afraid that he might not react well, wait a bit. Always be calm when dealing with him, I know it's hard, but composure is crucial.
I don't think it's just fine for anyone to get used to being treated like that. If you aren't able to change the way your Grandpa behaves, in my opinion you shouldn't spend time with him for more than neccessary. I understand that in your situation it will be difficult, but think of it: it's about you, your life and your health.
If evading your Grandpa is impossible in the long run (at least for now) I believe you should think about some kind of holidays or change of environment. Is it possible for you to get out somewhere for a few days? It will surely do you good and clear your mind a bit. However, it's only direct, and won't solve the whole problem.

Whatever happens you should always remember that you deserve decent treatment and that you're a great person, capable of doing wonderful things. I'm sure you're skillful and talented.
Btw. your piercings & hair are awesome, honestly. I'd love to have my lips pierced one day.

I hope I helped a tiny bit. If you ever wanna talk, I'm always willing to do so.
Have a wonderful day/night
Sue~


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Re: Mentally&Verbally abusive Grandpa. - March 10th 2017, 01:15 PM

It is really difficult when you have to live with someone who constantly puts you down like that, especially when you can't yet move out, because it can give you this sense of being trapped.

Abusive people don't usually stop their behavior, especially because they don't see what they're going as wrong. I don't think he'll stop treating you like this but in the meantime I think you should make yourself as comfortable as you can while you're still living with him. For instance, that may mean using your room as a safe place and avoiding him when you can, and taking it one day at a time; coping with things as they arise.

I like Sue's idea about not spending more time than necessary with your grandfather. Maybe you can spend more time in your room or spend time with your other family members instead. You could take a walk, take a drive, volunteer outside of the house, or join some school activities so you have reasons to be away from home more often.

Coping with abuse is hard enough, but when someone is still abusing you it is harder to cope because it kind of gets thrown back in your face all the time, for lack of better terms. Doing what you can to make yourself comfortable and cope with what you're experiencing can help though.


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Re: Mentally&Verbally abusive Grandpa. - March 10th 2017, 01:27 PM

Thank you so much for the advice

The problem is, My grandma desn't want me spending time in my room alone all the time. Because I am depressed. And I can't drive around because I don't have money for gas, and as long as I am just going to school my grandpa will pay for my gass, but if I do any extra driving I have to pay for it.

I would like to volunteer but I am so depressed right now I don't think I would be able too.


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Re: Mentally&Verbally abusive Grandpa. - March 11th 2017, 01:11 PM

Dear Essa,

is there an animal shelter in your vicinity? I've found out some time ago that spending time with animals is a magnificent remedy. They are amazing companions able to cheer one up. If there is a possibility to become a volunteer in a shelter for you, try it!

Sue~


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Re: Mentally&Verbally abusive Grandpa. - March 11th 2017, 01:40 PM

It's understandable that your grandmother feels that way. Is there any place in the house that your grandfather doesn't frequent very often? Maybe you can make a safe place in the common area of your house somewhere. It could be on the side of a couch, or in the corner of the room somewhere. That way, you have an area to yourself but you aren't entirely alone.

Does your school offer any activities you can do? I know you said you can't do any extra driving, but if you stay before and after school to get involved in something you won't have to do extra driving.


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Re: Mentally&Verbally abusive Grandpa. - March 11th 2017, 02:26 PM

Hi Essa,

It's really difficult having to live with someone who is constantly hurting you mentally and verbally. I am sorry he is treating you this way. It's not your fault. And I know it can seem never-ending with NEEDING to move out but being unable to.
Something I am working on, is trying to get into supportive housing. Is that something you're willing to try? Maybe you can bring it up the next time you see your therapist. It might not be the most ideal situation but you'd be away from your grandpa and you'd have support in place from staff. There's different levels of independence for supportive housing so maybe you will find one that addresses your needs.

I like the idea of spending time with animals at a shelter, although I know you've mentioned you cant do anything besides go to school and come back with the car. I am in a similar situation. I often feel stuck here. When I was in college, I would join activities that take place in the school or if it is walking distance to my campus such as this one public park that has nice scenery. Also, there may be volunteer activities that is part of a school club. For instance, maybe there's an animal lovers club on campus and part of what they do is go to shelters and volunteer there, then you can volunteer with others from that club which may lead to carpooling and offering you a ride.
I like Cassado's idea of creating a safe place in your house. Maybe if you're going to be in your room you can use that time to watch a movie or TV show or do something interactive and in "real time" (instant chat) like going into the TeenHelp Chatroom or using LiveHelp. It is easier for me to be engaged when I know I'm talking to a live person.
And if you want, you can message me and we can do something together like art work, play hangman (or another game) or send each other songs to listen to. I also have played https://thisissand.com/which is a digital sand art making site. Maybe that can help in the moment to redirect yourself. I find doing simple things like that can really help sometimes.
   
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