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louis Offline
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Need help - March 23rd 2017, 08:32 PM

Hi everyone, I need some advice.

So, I'm a guy with an amazing girlfriend. She'd just come home today after her phone died and didnt have any contact for a few hours. She was shook, didnt really know what had just happened and I need some help/advice.

She was waiting for her friend in front of a house. It's an estate but it's pretty quiet. There's two guys around 20-30 meters away laughing, she thinks they were drunk but she isn't sure. She only thinks that because of their laugh.

She's woken up, in the house she was stood in-front of on the sofa. No tights on, or underwear. Her head hurts, her thigh hurts and so does her back. her stuff wasn't there. She's left her bag. She got up after about 5 minuets of lying on the sofa and walked out. The door was open and there was a car on the drive.

We're trying not to jump to conclusions, because she faints and so im thinking she may have fainted, hit her head and someones taken her in. But we cant work out the no tights or underwear.

I'm not sure if she's choosing not to remember or what. I just need some help. I don't know what we should do, I'm trying to make her not worry. But we don't know right now.

How should I talk to her? What do we do? Should we tell anyone? She wants to go back to the house tomorrow to get her stuff. I just don't know what to of
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Need help - March 23rd 2017, 09:09 PM

Hey there (and welcome to TeenHelp!)

I'm sorry to hear what your girlfriend went through. Understandably you don't want to panic or jump to conclusions but it definitely seems like a good idea to get help in some form.

Is it possible to ask her friend and see if she can shed some light on the situation? I'm also wondering what your girlfriend can remember before she awoke in the house? Did anyone approach her or can she not remember at all? Depending on what happened, it is possible that she may not be able to remember, rather than choosing to not remember.

I don't think it's a good idea to go to the house to get her stuff. Would your girlfriend be willing to talk to her parents, or go to a hospital? Since no-one knows what happened, it's good to get checked out, especially if she is in pain an can't remember. It may also be worth asking for a rape kit, just in case and getting treated for potential rape as well. Even if she doesn't know what happened, the fact that she woke up without her underwear is concerning.

It's good that you are trying to remain calm about the situation. Continue to talk calmly to your girlfriend and reassure her that she is safe now. Perhaps suggest that you'll go with her if she wants to get support from the police, hospital or even her parents as it can be scary reaching out, more so when she doesn't know what happened.

Keep us updated if we can be of more help

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del677 Offline
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Re: Need help - March 25th 2017, 09:04 AM

Just be there for her. She needs to feel safe, like no matter what happened, and it's not clear what happened, and that can cause fear, it's this fear of the unknown you counter by being there, your calm and love for her, her rattled emotional brain will sense that and start to relax. She needs to feel secure, so if she focuses on the here and now present moment, she will feel safe, secure, and know everything is OK now.

She may have shivers, moments where her whole body shakes. That's her body releasing the excess energy fear stored up. It's a part of the healing process.

Try not to think too hard about what happened, or might have happened. You can do that a little, as long as majority of time bring her back to the present moment and let her bask in the safety of your accepting presence.

When she feels safe enough and has had adequate time to restore herself to a sense of feeling I'm safe and people are protecting me and accepting me, then she'll slowly venture out again when she feels ready.

She will feel very grateful that you care and were there for her.

(Thank you for caring and being there for her. You are a good person.)
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