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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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dontselfharm Offline
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Unhappy help what do i do now - April 2nd 2017, 08:44 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

last friday i was raped at school buy my boyfriens bets friend. i had a funny feeling about him when my bf first made me meet him. he was ok at first then he started getting wierd this was about 3 weeks ago he started passing me notes ( which i chucked away ) saying would u go out with me i want to do things to you. i thought it was a prank because me and my bf do pranks to eachother. then last week i had a note given to me from my bf he had no idea where it had come from saying something is going to taken away and it will be the closest thing to you and bad things will be done. i was so scared so i took it to my head of year ( one of my teachers) he said nothing could be done i was so devastated. i didnt and i still wont tell my mom because she is il putting this pressure and sadness on her will make her worse. then friday i was lpushed from behind into the school tiolets from behind he made me give him a blow job and he started making me strip. then he said your mine now bitch . i was so scared i just froze i couldnt scream and then he put his hand on my mouth and started saying you are such a sexy bitch ypu are deffinately my bitch now and not that bastards then he repetedly raped me until the bell went. i thought finally i can go and find a teacher and get this prick away from me but then he said if i tell anyone about this i will kill you and ......... ( bf ) then i will hunt your family down and kill them i knew he wouldnt do it but i new if i did something would happen. what do i do who do i tell what do i say .

Last edited by cynefin; April 2nd 2017 at 10:41 PM. Reason: Adding prefix.
   
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Re: help what do i do now - April 2nd 2017, 10:48 PM

Hey,

Many people who abuse others use threats to make people maintain their silence. People who make those threats generally don't follow through with them, but they can be very distressing to cope with. Do you have last note? The one you showed to someone at school? If you do, hold onto it.

You said you aren't going to tell your mom because it will put more pressure and sadness on her. Something to consider is that she is your mom; she is supposed to take that pressure and sadness away from you, even if temporarily. It is nice you are considering your mom, but you are her child and it is not your responsibility to shield her from this. With that said, if you don't want to talk to her, perhaps you can tell someone else you trust such as a teacher, school counselor, or principal.

What you say is up to you. This is your experience so you can reveal what is most comfortable for you to reveal. When thinking about what to say, the main thing that comes to my mind is what someone would need to know (more so than other details). For instance, someone may need to know basic details such as the sexual acts that you were forced into. So, I think it would help for you to go into the main details to start. If you aren't comfortable verbalizing what happened to you, you can write a note as well.


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Re: help what do i do now - April 3rd 2017, 07:42 AM

School needs to be a safe place for everyone. If this guy is making school an unsafe place, he may need to be dealt with.

First though, hopefully your town has a Rape Crisis Center you can go to. They specialize in this type of problem and know what to do.

If he ejaculated into your vagina you can go to the hospital Emergency room and get a rape crisis kit where they can extract a sample of the semen for evidence. You don't have to press charges, and probably don't want to, as that can get messy, but it does give you the upper hand, as now you have hard evidence against this guy which you can use to keep him away from you. Just let them keep the evidence as your safety against him.

You could also get a restraining order against him, which would keep him out of school, since he threatened harm to you and other people.

Oh, and you don't want to get pregnant so they should give you some "Plan B" medicine so you don't get pregnant.

Aside from collecting any evidence so you have the upper hand, the goal is to take care of your trauma, and make school a safe place for you to go. People at the Rape Crisis Center will know how to process out trauma so this incident doesn't haunt you for the rest of your life. (Rape is so incredibly common I am shocked by how often it happens! You are not alone!)

Then this guy who raped you obviously has issues, and you can decide what the best thing for him is. Maybe he needs a lot of counseling, maybe he should be removed from society for a while (put in jail). You could always have him arrested and then drop charges later, after he's spent however many days in jail you feel is enough.

Actually going to trial may be too much, as then it gets serious, and the defense attorney will make it very unpleasant for you. That's why I think it's easier to just get a restraining order against him, which shows him you mean business and he shouldn't mess with you or any of your friends or anyone he threatened. If he violates the restraining order he can get arrested, and you don't have to prove rape, only that he violated the restraining order.

You can make out a police report, but say you don't want to go through the trauma of a trial. You just want it on record in case he causes anyone trouble again.

Well what you decide to do about this guy is up to you. You do have the upper hand, and his threats to keep you quiet betray how scared he is, as he knows he's stepped way over the line and could easily get in a lot of trouble for which he has no defense, other than to deny it ever happened, or claim that the sex was consensual. Still having proof, if you can go to the ER and get that DNA evidence, and a police report, and perhaps a restraining order. He's probably most worried about getting arrested and going to jail. You can hold a police report over his head so he knows not to mess with you again. Doesn't mean he gets arrested, just that the police now know about him, and if he causes anyone further trouble he'll start stacking up a lot of police reports on him.

You can talk to the Rape Crisis Center about these things. Hopefully they can give you a counselor who can better lay out your options, and also help you process the trauma out of you.

Yea he's scared if he threatened you and your family with all that violence! That's just how scared he is! That gives you the upper hand, as you can now gather the DNA evidence, and make a police report, and not go beyond that, but that puts you in the power position of now you own his fate, and you make a deal that he better behave from now on, and as long as he behaves this won't go any farther (he won't be arrested), but if he does anything, you got the goods on him. You'll need to phrase it in a way that makes it clear his best option is to behave and never bother you or anyone else again, as that's the only way he can stay out of further trouble.

That's just my opinion. Others may post their opinion which may differ from mine. You know the situation best so you can decide what is best. Just remember he's probably scared, very scared!

In fact, you can lie and say you have the DNA evidence against him, and there is a police report against him, and just bluff that it exists, so he'd better <whatever you want him to do>. You can practically blackmail him now (don't blackmail him). You can bluff a power play and he'll probably scurry off like a frightened animal (though you need to play it right so he sees that running away is his best option, with a promise that he won't be hurt if he runs away, rather than fighting and throwing more threats around).

The trick is to see him as the frightened wounded individual he is. He's a horny young man with a strong sex drive, and apparently he doesn't have good social skills to seduce women the normal way, otherwise he wouldn't have to resort to force to get sex. And now he's scared. He needs professional help. (He may be into drugs too. That would be another sign that he needs professional help.) Then again I don't really know the full story, there's probably a lot more to it, which could invalidate my suggestions.

Ultimately you can make the decision as you know best.

So sorry this happened!
   
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