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I get triggered when guys approach me - April 6th 2017, 12:35 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

When guys as in cis male, approach me, I am quick to feel scared and panic. I am starting to wonder if all they wanted was a friendship and I am wrong for not giving them that chance.

Also when I walk on the street and I am either alone or with my younger sister, guys would catcall, whistle or call me beautiful. Sometimes they ask me for my number or say they want to marry me. I actually had multiple incidents of guys telling me they ammonite in love eith me and they're absolute strangers. One time j was in the train and a guy announced that he wants to marry me and he can't wait for the wedding. Another guy at the train station once, he asked me if I knew Spanish and I naively thought he needed help. So I said no but that my sister knew. So I told her to come and said he needs translation. He said "how do I say j want to marry her and she is so beautiful"
My sister didn't answer and told me to come and we just walked seay. And later she told me "didn't you see what he was doing with his hands?" He...yeah.

Sometimes j cry in the rain and there were times guys approached me thrn too. They would tell me to smile, or "what's wrong babY girl?
Am I over thinking this? Are they just being nice when they say I'm pretty?
It makes me so uncomfortable. They sometimes point out a body parts but not always. Sometimes it is general "you're so hot"
Sometimes I would be in a place where it is normal to have conversations like at a support group or the community center. That's when guys would say I look so young and they'd never guess I'm 22 yes old. They usually think I'm 13-18. But at most 18. And the fact that they'd say certain things with the assumption I may be underage bothers me.

I don't want to get into detail but an interaction with this guy probably in his 30s said some stuff about wanting us to date/be girlfriend boyfriend. We just met and this was not a dating place. This was a community center for people living with memtal illness. He thought I was under 18 and talked to me that suggested he wanted to have sex and that he wanted my body. He didn't do anything physically but I felt threatened and triggered because the times I WAS assaulted sexually, it started out with you're so pretty, come sit with me in such and such place (aka away from staff). That's what he dud. He wanted me to go with him outside where no staff was and j followed him. I ended up saying I had to go and hid in the staircase (because he is overweight and there's a good chance he would use the elevator and not the steps)
I saw him throughout the day and each time I did, he tried to talk to me and i would run out of the room and hide again. I am scared to go back but at the same time I feel extremely ridiculous.
   
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Re: I get triggered when guys approach me - April 6th 2017, 01:28 AM

Hey,
You shouldn't feel ridiculous. Because of your history, you have very valid reasons for those catcalls and suggestive words to really trigger you. It is not ok for guys to do that to you, or anyone, and it makes sense why you'd feel uncomfortable because that would make anyone uncomfortable. It's really disturbing the fact that these men would want to have a relationship with someone who looks like a minor. Unfortunately, it's something people deal with on a daily basis. The best thing you can do is arm yourself, keep protected, and maybe have someone to go with you when you go to that community center. It's awful to think that you would have to protect yourself, things like that shouldn't happen, but that's the society we live in, very screwed up.


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Re: I get triggered when guys approach me - April 6th 2017, 03:07 AM

That isn't ridiculous at all. Like it's been said, you have experienced negative things in the past and it makes complete sense for you to feel uncomfortable in similar situations present day.

It's completely normal to have that fear, and I think sometimes the past has a way of making people question their current thoughts and fears. But, do know that your fear is completely valid and it isn't ridiculous at all. You can't help how you feel.

Perhaps you can avoid this guy if you'd like to go back to the community center. Maybe you can bring a friend with you, or you can hang around a group of people while you're there so you don't have to get too close to this guy.

Take care. <3


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Re: I get triggered when guys approach me - April 6th 2017, 03:51 PM

Your feelings are totally valid. None of those things that you experienced with guys were pleasant, but more so when you take into consideration your past. I also know how disturbing it can be when you look younger than you are, and to know that guys may approach you because of that.

It can definitely be hard to know whether you what you feel is reasonable or whether you should give them a chance and be friends. In my experience, a guy who only wants friendship won't talk in a way that suggests sex. I'm sorry to hear about what happened a the community centre and I do think your feelings and your reaction was entirely valid. If you do go back, perhaps try and avoid him, stay in sight of staff or tell the staff about how you feel.


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