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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
The Darkness Offline
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Messed up - April 6th 2017, 01:47 AM

My friend's got me fucked up
I keep posting about them but like the most fucked up aspect of what they've said is that my abuser probably didn't sexually assault me because they think I'm abusive and manipulative and they only have heard my side. Well duh they've only heard my side, the guy doesn't even go to our college!
Because of their talk with me I keep feeling like I probably am abusive but I just don't know it and it's fucking me up because it's like it's fucking invalidating my sexual assault.
Yeah he had sex with me when I didn't want to. He touched me when I didn't want to be touched. There's so many evidence he fucked up, it's true. But could I be wrong? Am I the abuser? Is what my friends doing gaslighting me because I'm doubting my own reality of his abuse and sexual assault because of what they said.
Am I just a liar? Am I just making drama over my ex? Am I a fake? This is really fucking me up because I know what he did and he did a lot of fucked up shit to me but now they're telling me it's all me? I don't know what to do or believe...


THE POINT OF SINGULARITY IS NOTHING AS NOTHING BEGAN EVERYTHING
PULSING IN THE EXPAND CONSUME WITHOUT BARRIER OR BORDER
IT IS DARK BECAUSE IT IS THE DARKNESS IT IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS THE END
THERE IS NO SENTRY BECAUSE NONE DARE APPROACH
IT HAS NEVER BEEN AND IT IS ALL THAT EVER WAS
AT THE CENTER YOU DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER
YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF THERE IS NO CENTER AND THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY MADNESS
WE ARE ALL HERE NOW.
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WE ARE.

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
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Re: Messed up - April 6th 2017, 03:13 AM

It is not you, and it's not your fault. You were sexually assaulted and you're not an abuser. I know how hard it is to question your experiences, whether you have that fear because of what you went through or because someone else is making you feel this way.

One thing to consider is that you're not an abuser because you're afraid of being one. People who abuse others are not afraid of doing so, and they do not question whether or not they are an abuser. It can be really difficult to stop questioning yourself, but if you start thinking that way, try to remind yourself of this.

You can also try writing down a list of why you're not an abuser and why and how your sexual assault is true. When you need a reminder, you can look at the list or even use some affirmations.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
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Re: Messed up - April 6th 2017, 03:36 PM

Believe your experiences. You aren't making it up or exaggerating. You were assaulted, no matter what anyone else may claim. You didn't want to be touched or have sex, and yet this guy did those things to you, regardless of how you felt.

You mention that this was an ex, and I'm wondering if perhaps your friends are invalidating your assault because you had a relationship with this guy? Some people may wrongly believe that assault can't happen if you are or have been dating someone, but that's not true at all. It doesn't matter if it happened in a relationship or not, it still counts as assault.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
The Darkness Offline
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Re: Messed up - April 7th 2017, 02:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celyn View Post
You mention that this was an ex, and I'm wondering if perhaps your friends are invalidating your assault because you had a relationship with this guy? Some people may wrongly believe that assault can't happen if you are or have been dating someone, but that's not true at all. It doesn't matter if it happened in a relationship or not, it still counts as assault.
They're invalidating my assault because they have issues with me thinking that I'm manipulative and the abuser because of the way I acted to them, which I think they're over exaggerating. They say that me feeling left out and letting them know that I felt left out in an angry manner that I'm abusing them. Therefore, they doubt the assault even happened because since I'm an abuser I want to pin everyone in a negative light or something??? I don't know their exact reasoning but they explained that the reason why they said that was because they think I'm an abuser.


THE POINT OF SINGULARITY IS NOTHING AS NOTHING BEGAN EVERYTHING
PULSING IN THE EXPAND CONSUME WITHOUT BARRIER OR BORDER
IT IS DARK BECAUSE IT IS THE DARKNESS IT IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS THE END
THERE IS NO SENTRY BECAUSE NONE DARE APPROACH
IT HAS NEVER BEEN AND IT IS ALL THAT EVER WAS
AT THE CENTER YOU DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER
YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF THERE IS NO CENTER AND THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY MADNESS
WE ARE ALL HERE NOW.
WE ARE ALL HERE.
WE ARE.

   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
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Re: Messed up - April 7th 2017, 10:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Darkness View Post


They're invalidating my assault because they have issues with me thinking that I'm manipulative and the abuser because of the way I acted to them, which I think they're over exaggerating. They say that me feeling left out and letting them know that I felt left out in an angry manner that I'm abusing them. Therefore, they doubt the assault even happened because since I'm an abuser I want to pin everyone in a negative light or something??? I don't know their exact reasoning but they explained that the reason why they said that was because they think I'm an abuser.
I'm sorry to hear that. You are not an abuser at all. Whatever issues they have with you, doesn't mean that your abuse didn't happen or that you were the abuser not the person being abused. As Cassie said above, when you are concerned about being the abuser, you most likely aren't because actual abusers don't care about the fact that they abuse eithers.


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