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MsNobleEleanor Offline
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Question emotional abuse? - April 18th 2017, 04:06 AM

I need to know what I am suppose to do next. I am confused and conflicted. It complicated in that, I have been bouncing every possible idea or solution around in my head and I am struggling with it all.

I feel my cousin is verbally abusing me, emotionally, and putting me down. I have symptoms of being abuse by those ways. Feeling scared/fear to send her a text or talk to her, watching what I do and say, etc. What happens is she wants me to do things that I should do or get. She talks to me and treats me like, her test subject sometimes. She judges me, always says she is right when maybe she isn't.

I mentioned this in the family section about a conversation that was exchanged where she pulled apart something and made this massive thing. Saying I am unstable, unable to control my emotions and I'll have a hard life living like that.

I spoke to a friend about it and should her messages and ask for her opinion. The first I showed her she said it was a misunderstanding and that she went off quickly. The second my friend had a hard time reading it, said my cousin came off as really aggressive over something small and pulled my words apart.
I shared it with a co-worker and she couldn't even finish reading it because it hurt her head and she couldn't process it. My co-worker mentioned it is stressful and I don't need that, to deal with it all.

My cousin invalidates me. If I do something wrong she mentions it but now it seems I am being picked on by her. The messages she sends are degrading, I am scared to even look or read her messages. Now, I barely respond to her because I don't want that type of contact anymore. In person, she is the same but different. When she is talking to me, she lectures me but at the same time has normal conversations.

When she asks me questions about my life, she doesn't understand things, I explain two or three different ways, open to her questions, but she is always set on what she thinks. But when I ask her if she were in my shoes how would she handle it. Then, she stumbles and can't answer. She never takes my answer, instead she is so set on believing something else when I am telling her everything about it. It's like, it never mattered what I even said.

She talks about her health a lot and researches things about her health. She talks about it. I listen to it. It does not bother me, who am I to judge? She says she needs to change things cause this thing is causing this issue, so on. But then she goes to me and says, "the way you feeling is because of this thing or you need to take supplements" and that, it bothers me. She labeled my depression and anxiety on that I needed more X vitamin and bothered me about I should get it, I ended up getting it to get her off my back.

She says things like, "why don't you change things if you don't like how you feel?" it feels invalidating as a supplement is not going to "fix" things. She is all about inner peace and happiness, she uses it on me. It feels I am her test subject and tries to use her work on me. It doesn't work. I am not interested in that.

She has told me to "throw emotions away and to forget them" that, "what are they going to do for you?" it's like, I want to feel emotions, I don't want to feel "happy" all the time.

I guess what I am trying to describe is it feels like she is emotionally abusing me. I looked up some of this stuff and it lead me to, "narcissistic" and I read this list and I thought I was going to throw up as the first 3-4 on a webpage I looked at, my cousin does to me. It is just a what the F!

I do not know what to do about this, how to go about it. I live with her. Moving out isn't an option right now. I limit my time with her and "disappear" away from her and limit any text messages to a zero.

All my family was abusive to me. I moved away from it all and my cousin lives in this city and now I am living with her. Now, it all feels my past is repeating itself and it is real. I feel stuck. No idea what to do.

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Re: emotional abuse? - April 19th 2017, 12:38 AM

I am sorry your cousin is treating you like this and I see how it is bringing up uncomfortable things from the past. Have you been able to talk to anyone about this, such as your therapist? He may have some ways to cope with how your cousin is treating you.

I don't know if your cousin is narcissistic, and I can't diagnose, of course, but in my experience with narcissism, limiting or ending contact has been the best thing. I know you said you cannot move out right now, but I think limiting the time spent around her and the messages you reply to (as you're currently doing) is a good idea. In combination with avoiding her, it might help if you work on more self-soothing activities and utilize more distractions.

Do you know when you will be able to move out? Though you can't currently move out, you can use the idea of it as a motivator; you can use it as a reminder that you will get through this even though it is difficult.

Working through any kind of abuse while you live with the person who has mistreated you is really tough because you're continually exposed to the person. In the meantime, do what you can to make your time living with your cousin more bearable until you can leave.

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Re: emotional abuse? - May 2nd 2017, 03:04 AM

Thank you for replying, I really appreciate your response.

I've talked to my counselor about it, but I sorta feel I talk in circles and ignore it all (her in general) and have talked about it in DBT. I just feel I am going in a circle with it all. I basically, really limit my time with her, texting her, and ever since she returned from her work trip, she has sorta backed off a little bit.

She still invalidates me. I try to limit things I tell her. Some things I am excited to tell her so I do, somehow she just, puts me down and questions me, not like asking me questions about it because she does, more of lectures me with questions.

At this point it feels I just need to deal with it. One day, I might talk to her again, try to (it's hard when you explain your feelings and how you feel and she tells you to throw your thoughts/emotions "away" and that they don't matter, only the "now" matters) not talk to her which actually sucks. Rather protect myself than being hurt by her words.

I just don't know what else I could do as I am scared all the time from what she will say after. I just don't know what advice/suggestions I am looking for.

I feel I am constantly going in the same circle, that is all.

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