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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Jess~ Offline
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Unhappy Police case worries - April 26th 2017, 02:14 AM

So I reported my rape in October 2016, it happened in March 2016. I feel like a complete idiot for waiting so long and honestly can't understand why I did. I know I had reasons then but I feel like they were just reasons I tried to justify to myself because ultimately I was just scared. I was terrified to go through with, not just reporting the incident, but also telling my family and not knowing how they would react.
I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for not getting a rape kit done, and not going to the police that same day. I honestly hate myself for that.

Today was my second interview with my investigator, and so today we tried getting a conversation started via text between me and my perpetrator to subtly try and get him to admit to it. Because I was a dumbass and waited so long, that's pretty much our only hope of legit evidence for this case.
Its been five hours and he hasn't even replied yet. I'm nearly hysterical right now. I'm just so mad at myself for not reporting it sooner. Fuck, even a month after it happened would've been better than fucking October. I hate myself so much for this.

One positive thing though is that I'm really grateful for my investigator. When I first reported it, the cops at the sheriff's station showed absolutely no emotion about it. No care, no worry, and actually some disbelief as well.
So that set the tone for what I would expect throughout this whole process. As soon as I got the investigator's number, I began calling him almost every two weeks, just to check up on the case because I was so terrified that, since I waited so long, my case would be meaningless and I'd be forgotten about.
In one phone call, in January I think, I expressed this concern to him and his tone completely changed. He went from being all formal and informing me about stuff to caring and reassuring me that he will not forget me. I honestly almost cried.
And even now, since the results of this case are looking duller and duller, he keeps kind of pep-talking me and telling me I have a good head on my shoulders, that there's so much more to life than this one event in my life, and that no matter what I should just focus on that and working towards the future.
The other cops, when I was telling them what happened, would say, "Okay, so you claim that he....etc" Whereas I can tell my investigator actually believes me, and just that in itself is so validating. Especially since the evidence is not in my favor at all. I just had no idea how much that would ever mean to me.


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Re: Police case worries - April 26th 2017, 05:54 AM

Do you have a counselor you can talk to? Is there a Rape Crisis center in town that offers free counseling? This kind of talk you're getting from the investigator, the validation and caring, that's the healing kind of talk that counselors and good people offer. Maybe there's a low cost counseling clinic in town.
   
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Re: Police case worries - April 26th 2017, 06:19 AM

Yeah, I am doing free counseling at the local Rape Crisis Center. Unfortunately though, I think she's under the impression that I'm completely moving on from this. I hate it because sometimes I'll have these fantastic, perfect days, where I'm just so happy and excited for life and the future that I don't even bother with the past trauma shit.
So unfortunately, one of these great days was on a day I had counseling, and I told her pretty much everything was wonderful. She's starting to wean me off the counseling, by going every other week instead of weekly.
I feel like the depression has slightly come back, though. I'm definitely struggling a lot more with my body image. So maybe the rape isn't bothering me as much, but still, I just spent an hour crying about it, just because it happened.
But I'm scared to tell her everything's not fine, because I don't want to disappoint her or make her think I'm just trying to stay in free counseling forever.


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Re: Police case worries - April 26th 2017, 02:30 PM

You're not an idiot for waiting to report what you went through. Many people wait to report and that certainly doesn't say anything bad about you. Reporting and dealing with the police can be a very draining process and it is important to do it when you're ready to go through that process. Even though you are mad at yourself for not reporting earlier, perhaps it is better you waited a little while.

You can't go back in time and make yourself report earlier, but you did report when you were ready and that is what is important. Can you do something to express that anger you're feeling so it isn't kept inside? For instance, maybe you can take a walk or write more about how you're feeling. You could talk to a friend or your counselor about it as well.

I am glad your investigator is supportive. Police cases can be rough but the fact that he supports you, believes you, and validates you can be incredibly healing and you deserve to be validated.

The feeling of not wanting to disappoint your counselor is a difficult one, but not communicating with her about all of this can hurt you and your counseling in the future. If you don't want to verbally explain how you're doing, you can write a note to her, or you can even print out this thread and show it to her. The ups and downs you're experiencing are normal and it may help if your counselor knows you're experiencing these.


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Re: Police case worries - April 29th 2017, 07:15 AM

It's common for depression to bring back memories of past traumatic events, even ones way in the distant past that you are long over. It's just the brain's way of trying to solve the depression by recalling every other time you felt similar.

Ask if there is a low cost therapy training clinic nearby you could go to. New therapists in training need to get 3000 hours of experience, so they go to low cost clinics and give it away. Or volunteers give their time. Or church pastors give their time.

Hope you can also see a doctor get the depression treated. psychiatrist doctor. Get depression treated, then memory of rape fades to the past where it belongs.
   
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