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annalise19 Offline
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Exclamation I have no control - May 22nd 2017, 02:07 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

hey guys

this is my first time trying one of these things. It's currently 2:52am in england and I am a wreck. 4 weeks ago today, I was raped. I was working at the pub I have forked at for 2 and a half years, I was walked home by a friend, he raped me. I am usually a strong person who doesn't let their emotions get to them but this is different. Btw. My parents and police are aware and it is being investigated, they were aware as soon as I got home. I have an amazing support circle but everything is still too much. I am currently a University Student and I love it, well, I did love it. Everything that I used to love, I now hate. I don't know what to do. I'm trying. I'm really trying. But I've lost myself. If anyone can talk. Please do
   
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Re: I have no control - May 23rd 2017, 04:44 PM

Hey there and welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry to hear that you were raped by a friend. It's very understandable that you would feel all sorts of emotions such as anger, betrayal, loss, sadness after such an experience. More so if you are someone who tries not to let emotions get to them. I want to say though that showing emotions doesn't mean you are weak at all. You are still strong, even if you don't feel this way right now.

It's really good that your parents and the police are aware of what happened and that you feel you have an amazing support circle. Though sometimes, even with that support, things can still feel overwhelming. You are still trying to process what happened, and feeling lost is very common, as is not liking or loving certain things anymore. Rape violates your very sense of safety and being, and it's natural that after being raped, you may feel differently about yourself and your identity.

It's good that you are trying, but remember that it's okay to feel a bit lost right now. I'm wondering if you are having any counselling, either from university of whether the police have offered any support from victim services? You can also check out Rape Crisis for more support too.


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Re: I have no control - May 23rd 2017, 09:35 PM

Hi, I am very sorry to hear that! You must be crushed and most of all angry. I'm sorry that the world has to be so cruel! The fact that you have told your mum and the police is very brave of you, many feel that they can't. It is also good that you have a support circle that can help you.
My advice is to make sure you share your feelings and emotions, never hide them. In such a traumatic experience such like this you should never face it alone. Don't lose hope, you will have justice!
It is okay to lose yourself, it is like a bump in the road or an obstacle on a course you just have to fight and overcome it but you can do it at your own pace. It is okay to feel the emotions you do, it is apart of human nature, I understand things must be different right now and you must feel so lost but I can ensure you that everything will be okay and you will find yourself again, just remember to surround yourself with people who care about you and make you feel safe. Love is the biggest comfort in the world. You are brave. Keep on being inspiring and just know that you are not alone, there are many women who are going through the same thing as you and there are also people (like me) who have no idea what you're going through but will be willing to listen, try to comprehend your emotions and help as best as we can.
Stay strong, you can get through this. I wish you the best. Keep on smiling. x
   
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Re: I have no control - May 24th 2017, 09:20 AM

thank you for sharing.

sharing is a part of the recovery process.

hopefully there is a rape crisis center, or equivalent, in your area, where you can find support. councilors to talk to, tell your story.

also, the center may have a phone line you can call with councilors you can talk to, and tell your story to.

you tell your story, it's called processing.

the secret is, when we tell our story, we recall the memory, and the memory gets rewritten, with a more stable emotion attached to the memory. we don't feel lost anymore. it takes time and work. the people who specialize in this know how to assist with the healing.

it's all normal what you are feeling right now. it's part of the process.

there may be some body shuddering. that's the body/mind resetting itself.

a hug can also help activate the body/mind feeling safe and secure sense.

beware of revenge. focus on securing the safety of the community. this guy has a problem. I don't know him I don't know what caused him to do this, his behavior needs to be arrested.

Your mind may try to make sense of this all, and fail. Allow it to fail. Don't try to make sense of it. just look for some emotional stability.
   
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