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jiminycrispies Offline
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Was It Sexual Assault? - June 15th 2017, 08:33 PM

Hello
So I'm new to this site, and new to even acknowledging what happened. Or rather, what I don't know happened.
I was sexually abused 4/5 years ago. I know that for a fact, and that's not what I'm questioning. But a few years ago I think something happened to me on a bus. I used to be followed after school between 10-20 minutes of my hour long walk home. The guy who followed me would do so until either I was at the end of the underground area under the roundabout (I can't remember what they're called), or until I was at the park.
Around the end of the year a few years ago I'd overdosed a lot, and I was feeling ill all day. However, I decided to go out alone since no one was home, and I decided to get the bus. The guy got on the bus at the next stop (he obviously didn't know I was on there), and I was at the back near the window.
He sat on the other side, a few seats up. I fell asleep on the bus, as the pills were making me drowsy, and I was asleep for about 15-20 minutes.
I woke up with my skirt hitched up and my underwear askew, and the jacket I hand over my lap had been pushed higher up so most of my thighs were exposed. The guy was sitting on the seat in the aisle next to me, meaning he'd moved, and he wouldn't look over at me.
I still have no idea what happened, if anything, and I'm terrified of speaking out. I'd blocked out the memories, but recently I've started seeing a male new therapist. Since I used to only see women, he asked how I felt about him being a man. I broke down, and he kind of got the gist that i was upset due to something happening with a man.
I'm afraid of him bringing it up next session, but at the same time I need to talk about it. I don't even know if anything happened. Maybe my clothes had just messed up while I was sleeping, or maybe that wishful thinking?
I'm too afraid to say anything in case no one believes me (because it's been years and I've not said anything), and I don't even know how to begin talking about it if I ever did.
What I'm trying to ask is, is it likely I was sexually assaulted while I was sleeping in the bus? And was it possible that I could've slept through it, even though I was dosed up on ridiculous amount of pills?
I've refused to go on a bus since, but people think it's due to my anxiety. I went on a bus last year, and I panicked awfully when a man sat next to me.
Everything's flooding back since the breakdown, and it got so bad that I overdosed badly last week.
Am I just overthinking it, or maybe not?
Please respond, any help would be much appreciated.
   
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Re: Was It Sexual Assault? - June 16th 2017, 01:12 PM

Welcome to TeenHelp.

It was very brave of you to talk about your experiences here; hopefully it was helpful even if it was a little difficult.

We can't say for sure whether or not you were sexually assaulted but it given the positioning of your clothes when you woke up it definitely seems very likely. It is possible that you could have slept through it due to the medication you have taken.

Some people also dissociate during sexual assaults and other traumatic events. This is when the mind cannot take the experiences and "leaves" since you cannot physically escape. Should he have woken you up while you were on the bus, you may have dissociated.

Perhaps seeing this new therapist triggered the things you're feeling now. As unpleasant as they are, you can feel them, process them, and store them in a healthier way.

You are definitely not overthinking it. Maybe you can consider telling your new therapist about this when you feel comfortable. If you don't want to verbalize it, you could try writing him a note.

I am around if you need anything.


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