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Heathen Offline
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Raw wounds: preparing for group tomorrow - July 26th 2017, 02:55 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Tomorrow my PHP group will be talking about emotional abuse. When I found out I didn't want to go tomorrow. I knew the topic of emotional abuse will unavoidably bring up HIM because when we briefly touched on the topic on Monday thoughts and feelings about our relationship flooded my mind. I could feel my breath start to quicken and become more shallow. I don't want to deal with all this right now because I know I'll cry in a room full of strangers and I don't want them to see my tears.

At the same time flashbacks from my rape have started happening again during sex with my partner. We didn't even finish last night and I started crying. This scares me because I thought I was getting over the rape, what with having sex without crying multiple times, and now that the flashbacks and panic attacks are coming back I feel like I'm not recovering.

Basically I feel like I'm going to walk into group tomorrow and I'm going to get slammed. I don't know what to do, how to compose myself. How do I keep it together? What do I do if I start crying? Any thoughts are appreciated. Thank you.

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Re: Raw wounds: preparing for group tomorrow - July 26th 2017, 03:39 AM

Hey there, Jordan. - I'm unsure what you mean by PHP group so for that i'm going to make two biased assumptions.

1) Support group.

If that is a support group of some kind then you must remember that they are there for one thing and one thing only - Support or benefit toward you in a positive way, so therefore despite how either distressing or painful it is, it's indeed a place to let out your emotions.

I can understand anxiety to letting strangers see you cry, but however i'm sure they have just as worse things to cry about, too, you need to breathe and stay focused not on rather your composure but rather the possible progression you could make discussing such a matter, talking helps even if you're crying.

Remember, you have freedoms. You can leave for bathroom and/or other natural functions you can disguise to get yourself some composure. If you're not comfortable sharing so much so quickly, limit the depth you're willing to explore - if that limit breaks, don't sweat so much about it. Don't hold onto that limit like there's no tommorow, if it breaks you can have a resolution with your support group. - but you have the freedom to limit how far things go, and how far you want to keep going. You Have Freedom - but Even if you lose the control, there will be Progression and Resolution.

2) Work Group

I understand that the anxiety is predicted to be severe and you are panicking on how to maintain composure in an environment that demands it.

I would not blame you for feeling so distressed in this scenario, however you must try to not focus so heavily on the expectancy of yourself,. - I mean by that, shift your opinion and attention to the next person and treat this situation unknowingly and with an open mind. Share your ideas and thoughts, try to stay glued to the fact you're doing nothing more than sharing common ideas from neutral ground. Nothing deeper, nothing more painful.

Also remember your freedoms, You will have time to leave, you will have time to get alone, you will have time for any of these things, so please pardon yourself at any moment youre worried youre going to lose composure. IF you lose composure but can't find it again I'd say Breathe deep and remember to stay glued to the fact that you're here to discuss things that you don't have to dig deep in, no one is expecting you too and the only person who would be is yourself - No one else would force your hand in that area.

Try to take care out there.
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Re: Raw wounds: preparing for group tomorrow - July 26th 2017, 08:56 AM

If you want to stay calm and not bawl in a room full of strangers, (1) blink as little as possible. this makes it so tears can't gather near the corner of your eye. this only works if your eyes don't get too dry. (2) Think about happier things. Maybe you have a perfectly blissful and happy childhood memory. think about that and the people associated with that memory. (3)try to swallow the lump in your throat.

these might help a little, but if you need to get it out, then you should get your feelings out in a group that has the access to the help and people you need.

P.S.) I am assuming this is some sort of support group, because I've never heard of a PHP before, so i am very sorry if i wasn't very helpful at all, because i assure i was trying to be.

i can already tell you are a brave person. just remember this quote- "Crying is how your heart speaks, when your lips can't explain the pain you feel."

It's okay to cry. crying is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. It means you tried, and you tried your absolute hardest.
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Re: Raw wounds: preparing for group tomorrow - July 26th 2017, 03:17 PM

The people above gave good suggestions. Deep breathing may help you out a little bit. You could also take some water with you and take a sip of it and use that as a way to quickly take a deep breath while you're talking or listening to other people. You could try bringing something to keep your bands busy, like a hair tie or a bracelet so you can fidget with that if your feelings become too much. Have you considered bringing a blanket or a jacket with you? Some people bring either one to make themselves feel more secure in group or individual therapy.

If you start crying, as it's been said, you could excuse yourself to the bathroom or take a step outside for a few minutes. Alternatively, you could stay in the room and see if anyone has any supportive words for you.

Let us know how the group went if you're comfortable doing that. I will be thinking of you.

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