TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
You're the Original <3
Outside, huh?
**********
 
MadPoet's Avatar
 
Name: Amanda.
Age: 24
Gender: Female.
Location: Michigan.

Posts: 4,685
Blog Entries: 121
Join Date: January 8th 2009

How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 25th 2009, 05:50 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is a question, that I've never gotten an answer to.
Anyone I've asked has never known, why someone would want to stay in an abusive relationship, WHEN they are perfectly capable of getting out of it. I never have understood it. Of course I'm not judging anyone who has chosen to a stay in a abusive relationship, but it's something I just do not understand whatsoever.

So I guess I just wanted to ask a couple questions about it, seeing as I have zero understanding of the matter.

Why stay in a relationship with someone if they abuse you, and you're capable of leaving the person?
Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again? Do they really deserve your trust, after they abuse you in any way whatsoever?
The most common thing I hear people say (usually on TV shows, but still) is that they wouldn't leave the person because "they loved them." But how can you still love someone who treats you abusively?
& Why should you feel like you should be treated that way? Why do people feel they deserve the abuse?

Hopefully this will help me better understand...





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Pelios Offline
on Pursuit of Happiness
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Pelios's Avatar
 
Name: Andrea
Gender: Female
Location: México

Posts: 3,691
Blog Entries: 48
Join Date: January 17th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 25th 2009, 07:29 AM

Love can blind you.


Everyone is born right-handed. Only the greatest overcome it.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Stay determined
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Gingerbread Latte's Avatar
 
Name: Cara
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Scotland

Posts: 6,718
Blog Entries: 136
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 25th 2009, 11:05 AM

It's never happened to me before but I've read it in a few books the abusive person kind of brainwashes the other person into thinking they're no good and no one else wants them and it's their fault that this is happening. So I guess the person just really gives up and puts up with it because they think they deserve to be treated this way and that no one will care that this is happening to them anyway.
Also, another common one is that they think they can change their partner, they think that they'll make him stop.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
L'espoir Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
L'espoir's Avatar
 
Name: Jen
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 2,020
Blog Entries: 777
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 25th 2009, 11:08 AM

I think part of it is that you still love the person and you want to believe they will stop hurting you, my dad used to shout at me and hit me and try and strangle me but I still went to see him, I still loved him anyway.

Sometimes people have been abused so they don't have the confidence to leave or they have been threatened etc... Im sure there are lots of reasons and I really don't think its as simple as just not bothering to leave or anything like that (not that thats what you were implying or anything)


PM // VM
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
WashoutThePain Offline
=]
Outside, huh?
**********
 
WashoutThePain's Avatar
 
Name: Ask Away!
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Nowhere to be found

Posts: 4,748
Blog Entries: 377
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 25th 2009, 11:22 AM

I'll answer these questions according to my personal experience.

Why stay in a relationship with someone if they abuse you, and you're capable of leaving the person?

I loved him with all my heart and didn't realize it was abusive, I thought it was him showing his love.

Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again?

I knew it was going to happen again.... but I thought I was the problem not him. That it was my mistake for not enjoying it.

Do they really deserve your trust, after they abuse you in any way whatsoever?

Do you trust the people that say "I love you" and that you love completely. He listened to everything I said (but No). He talked to me when no one else would... he loved me.

The most common thing I hear people say (usually on TV shows, but still) is that they wouldn't leave the person because "they loved them." But how can you still love someone who treats you abusively?


I didn't realize it was abusive... I was blinded... I truly thought/think it was my fault. I loved him for being with me and loving me... I'd rather be with someone than alone.


& Why should you feel like you should be treated that way? Why do people feel they deserve the abuse?


I guess because he sexually abused me... I thought I was supposed to enjoy it. Everyone else does, but I didn't. I didn't think I deserved the abuse at all... but I didn't know he was abusing me. Plus it kinda becomes habitual... you feel like this is your life... the only way it can be.


Abuse is hard to understand when you haven't been through it yourself. It changed how I think, how I feel. It's very consuming... I was afraid to leave him, too, once I realized he had to go... I didn't know how to live without him. It also depends on how long, for me I was with my ex boyfriend for 2 years before I finally broke up with him.

Hope this helped!
If you have any questions, feel free to message me anytime

-Amy


   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
SimplyComplex Offline
SimplyComplex :)
I've been here a while
********
 
SimplyComplex's Avatar
 
Name: Melissa
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Canadaland

Posts: 1,316
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 25th 2009, 11:23 AM

Love is a tricky thing. We wish and hope it could be simple, like in the fairy tales, but I haven't seen that yet. We like to believe it's easy, to love people unconditionally without doubt and people often ignore mistakes and abuse and lies, etc, because of love. Whether we're doing this because of our love or the love we hope another harbours for us. Believe it or not, very few people understand real love. Even fewer people have a high enough self respect to find it. We're so busy looking for "Prince Charming" or attempting to get over our last relationship that we lower our standards in the process. It's mans nature to be social. Naturally, we crave the sense of touch and we want to be held when we cry or have trust when our problems become too much. We're all so concerned with never wanting to be alone that we forget the true meaning of love and we can make ourselves believe it's easy to find. Few people know that real love is blind. It does not travel in one direction. It loves for faults and positives. It never really dies, but it is high maintenance and it's still something to be worked on and built on.

Sometimes, when we find something like love we get excited and blind ourselves. Sometimes, the abuser purposely puts on an act in the purpose of future abuse. Either way, it's so unbelievable that things move fast and we make excuses for certain actions and behaviors. We start to think it's our fault or we caused the person to do so. We enjoy feeling loved when the abuse isn't occurring that we ignore it shouldn't be happening at all.

We believe that the abusing can stop or change because it's hard to admit falling victim to something so widely known. Sometimes we realize our mistake and force a blind eye with the promise of change. When you dislike yourself so much, we believe anything can change. I've heard others say they believed it was their only chance at love.

Finally, love it strong. It's also craved and in a society where falling in love and getting a family is the norm, we can't do so fast enough. It's easy to love someone who treats you like dirt. Love can go one way and be so desperately wanted back that we ignore our needs. When the painful thing to do is accept the abuse and the fact that it isn't love, we blame ourselves. Why? Because then we can change and then there isn't anything wrong if we deserve it.

There are many reasons and many unique cases but these are a lot of repetitive similarities. The bottom line is impatience and the want to be accepted in society is strong. Being alone is never something we want, and our mind can get the better of us.


01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
keep smiling :-)
Outside, huh?
**********
 
*Jen*'s Avatar
 
Name: Jen
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 3,668
Blog Entries: 211
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 25th 2009, 06:59 PM

Hey,

There can be so many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. It isn't easy just to get out of an abusive relationship like it may seem. You might love the person you with and they might not be abusive all the time. When you have been with someone so long you will have built up an attachment with them, which is hard just to let go. It is hard to let go of anyone you have had any form of relationship with. Even if they have been abusive to you it might feel like this is the way they should be treated. It can be difficult to realise at times when the relationship has crossed the line and become abusive. Some people might not realise that the relationship has become abusive and they think it is a normal way to be treated when it isn't. The abuser might say that they promise they will change in time, which makes you stay with them and gives you hope. Then they keep saying that so you end up believing them and carrying on with the relationship. Sometimes in abusive relationships the abuser can threaten you so you don't feel able to leave the relationship. They could threaten to kill you if you left them, which would make it so difficult to end a relationship like that because you don't want to end up getting hurt. Often the victim feels so isolated and unable to escape from the relationship so they stay trapped in it. Often victims think the abuse is there fault and blame it on themselves and think it is something about them, which makes it happen. They might even be told it is there fault, which only reinforces it more. It isn't just as simple as walking away.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Casey. Offline
Dance with me
I can't get enough
*********
 
Casey.'s Avatar
 
Name: Casey
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere in my mind

Posts: 2,343
Blog Entries: 337
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 26th 2009, 02:08 AM


Why stay in a relationship with someone if they abuse you, and you're capable of leaving the person? It's not as simple as just leaving. You become depended on that person. They'll tell you that their the only one who can love you, that no one else can love you like they can. They might threaten to harm you or your family if you leave them. You feel so powerless, that you just can't leave them.
Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again? Do they really deserve your trust, after they abuse you in any way whatsoever? It's not that you believe them. It's just, you hope, wish, that it will get better. You love them, and you feel that they love you. That bruises are just their way of showing that love
The most common thing I hear people say (usually on TV shows, but still) is that they wouldn't leave the person because "they loved them." But how can you still love someone who treats you abusively?Because, well you just do. You love them.You think it's your fault, it's something you did. You don't think it's them.
& Why should you feel like you should be treated that way? Why do people feel they deserve the abuse?When it's all you know, when you become so use to it, you don't see it as abuse. It's just their way of showing love. Or if you do see it as bad, you think you deserve it, that it must have been something you said or done. That they wouldn't hurt you if you were better, if you were different. It's really not as simply as they won't leave, they can't leave.



She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


PM me

  Send a message via Yahoo to Casey.  
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
LiveLaughLove Offline
L☮VE = the answer (=
Not a n00b
**
 
LiveLaughLove's Avatar
 
Name: Simone
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: America

Posts: 81
Join Date: May 13th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 26th 2009, 05:07 AM

Why stay in a relationship with someone if they abuse you, and you're capable of leaving the person?
Well, in my experience, I was afraid to leave him because of what he'd always threaten to do to himself; I felt responsible for his well-being because he would constantly tell me that his well-being was dependant upon my staying with him.
Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again?
I didn't believe him... but, he swore up and down that he wouldn't hurt me, and I was afraid of him hurting himself to the extent that he'd threaten to, if I were to leave him. It wasn't so much a matter of believing it would stop, so much as it was a matter of wishing that it would, and being determinedly trusting. Because I swore to him up and down that he was a worth-while person... I'm supposing he was trying to make me prove it...
Do they really deserve your trust, after they abuse you in any way whatsoever?
Certainly not. I'm a generally trusting person, and I love very easily (not fall-in-lov easily, simply love easily) so here's the deal: we were friends for a while, and I was very fond of him, plus I felt a responsibility tward him because I said I'd always be there, after everything he went through. First he told me his whole sad-story thing, having to do with his childhood and just... things that resonated with me. Then he kept saying I wouldn't stay his friend, which I insisted was silly. He would say things like, 'you'll just ditch me, you're bound to go be with (insert name here) instead because he's rich/on the football team/ a senior/ whatever insubstantial thing about any of my guy-friends... which made me feel bad for him. I was determined to show him that he was good enough, hell-bent on making sure that he saw that. I loved him as a person and friend, and I had something of a crush on him... he told me he loved me...la di da... then he started hitting me and it becam violent. I stayed with him. I was determined to make him feel loved...as if that might make him content and make him stop hurting himself and me... just tons of stuff. I was also used to past abuse, verbal. physical, and sexual, all from people who would traditionally be loving, stable figures in my life, and I think that in some way, I think that at the time I subconciously connected myself being loved as involving pain of some sort.

The most common thing I hear people say (usually on TV shows, but still) is that they wouldn't leave the person because "they loved them." But how can you still love someone who treats you abusively?
Truth is, love is complicated, unconditional... I find myself uncapable of not loving someone I once loved, despite what may have happened between us. Granted, that love may be totally tainted... by anger, abuse, whatever... but it doesn't just end.
& Why should you feel like you should be treated that way? Why do people feel they deserve the abuse?

Some people really do believe that they deserve to be hurt... that they don't deserve anything better. And that's got everything to do with their idea of their own self-worth. A person can be conditioned or even condition themselves to believe that they aren't worth being cared for and treated kindly... & that goes back to their personal experiances.

Me, I knew that I didn't deserve it... but sometimes I believed that I did... just when I thought of what my ex was doing to me, what my father had done to me, what my mother did on occasion, as well as some other things... I figured... I'm a nice person. I'm nice to everyone, I've got lots of great friends, a wonderful sister and brother, no bad rumors, 'eyes from the guys', whatever. So maybe if my public view seems pretty perfect, I don't deserve to have a good private one... I figured it was just a matter of balance.
Um, but then I woke up and smelled the bull. However, I don't regret it, and I think all of it (not just my ex, but you know, everything) made me stronger and a better person... I wouldn't change any of it, you know? Because I'm thinking, if my private life had just gone smothely, I wouldn't have the conciousness to be able to connect with people on the level that I do... I'd probably be totally superficial, and the beliefs and lessons I've gathered along the way would just be lost to the wind for me... I'd have no real substance. So, it all works out Pain's a part of life. I made a mistake, blamed myself, learned not to, learned from it, and continue to make the best of it.

I hope that helps you to understand...

Peace&Love,
Simone.


PM anytime (: ................ ☮ ♥ ♪ ♫ la la di da : )
i am beautiful because that's how i see myself.
talented, because i have confidence in what i do.
scarred because at times, i couldn't take it.
strong, because one day, i chose to be.
loveable because i've learned to love myself.
and also because, same as everyone else,
i was born that way.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
eunoia Offline
(n) beautiful thinking
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
eunoia's Avatar
 
Name: Jes
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 5,887
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 26th 2009, 06:33 AM

Why stay in a relationship with someone if they abuse you, and you're capable of leaving the person?
See third questions.

Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again? Do they really deserve your trust, after they abuse you in any way whatsoever?
Sometimes people give second chances easily. And thirds. And more. I'm one of them. It's true that people can change and sometimes it's easier to see the good in people, or good in ALL people, than admit that everyday someone you love is failing you.

The most common thing I hear people say (usually on TV shows, but still) is that they wouldn't leave the person because "they loved them." But how can you still love someone who treats you abusively?
It's possible to be in love with the person your partner used to be. You stay in love with the idea of what could be, what should be. You're in love with a ghost, but it's love and that's "better" than being alone.

& Why should you feel like you should be treated that way? Why do people feel they deserve the abuse?
It's all I knew, all of my life. I'm just now learning, at 20, what it means to be truly cared for and taken care of. I'm not used to being treated well and it's strange and, dare I say it, scary. But I'm glad because I know, somewhere in my heart, that I deserve good things.



Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Stuckinhell Offline
Member
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Stuckinhell's Avatar
 
Name: Sammy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 813
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 26th 2009, 11:19 AM

For me it was a mix of things. After a while, I got so low, had such low-self esteem, that I felt I deserved it. And therefore it was me in the wrong not him.

If your self-esteem is attacked enough, you believe you'll never find anyone else.

He was genuinelly sorry after. How could you leave, after someone had broken down in tears apologising?

To be honest, its a mix of things that are very complex.


   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
~ginaa32~ Offline
F*** tha world~lil wayne
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
~ginaa32~'s Avatar
 
Name: ginaa
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: in any gym that has a basketball

Posts: 41
Join Date: April 14th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 26th 2009, 04:16 PM

Hey..mk

Why stay in a relationship with someone if they abuse you, and you're capable of leaving the person?

In my experience, i cant leave..its something ive known all my life, and to jus take that extra step is something that is super hard to do. To look back at the good times i used to have and then look at the times now, i just hope that one day itll change again.

Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again?


Because i still have that hope that itll change. They swore that they would never do it again, how am i not supposed to assume that

Do they really deserve your trust, after they abuse you in any way whatsoever?

If you cant trust your own family you cant trust anyone. so no.

The most common thing I hear people say (usually on TV shows, but still) is that they wouldn't leave the person because "they loved them." But how can you still love someone who treats you abusively?


love..hmm..its unconditional love if that makes sense. i love them..but i hate them..


& Why should you feel like you should be treated that way? Why do people feel they deserve the abuse?

for me its because noone gets mad for no reason..meaning there has to be some way that its my fault..if i wouldnt have done this..well then maybe i wouldnt have gotten hit for it.. Ya digg?

Well, i think i got all the questions..hope this helps amanda!!
If you need anything else, holla!!
<3


hey please feel free to PM me about anything&everything!!



fly, fly high, the sky is ur limit

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

  Send a message via MSN to ~ginaa32~ Send a message via Yahoo to ~ginaa32~  
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Magical Forest. Offline
Crazy Penguin Lady
I can't get enough
*********
 
Magical Forest.'s Avatar
 
Name: Hannah
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 2,939
Blog Entries: 676
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 26th 2009, 06:07 PM

Why stay in a relationship with someone if they abuse you, and you're capable of leaving the person?
Because of love. What usually happens is the partner will make sure that the person is fully in love with them, will treat them well, make them feel amazing and then start to abuse them. When the victim then wants to leave, they think about the good times that they had with that person and then can't leave. The other person will promise that they will change, things will be okay for a while and then the cycle will happen again and again.

Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again? Do they really deserve your trust, after they abuse you in any way whatsoever?
Because it's what you want more than anything in the world, and to hear them say that is a great feeling. You wish that they would change, and maybe they do for a while, but it's all just to keep you with them. They hate not being in control.

The most common thing I hear people say (usually on TV shows, but still) is that they wouldn't leave the person because "they loved them." But how can you still love someone who treats you abusively?
The person will be really nice to you, they'll sweet talk you and act like the perfect partner around your friends and family. They nearly always have 2 sides to them, it usually happens to people who are weak and are just wanting someone to love them. Sometimes we would settle for any type of love, whether it be good or bad.


& Why should you feel like you should be treated that way? Why do people feel they deserve the abuse?
I think that people feel like they deserve love, and anything that comes along with that then they'll have to put up with it. Some people may have incredibly low self esteem, and instead of hurting themselves they allow other people to hurt them.


It may seem weird but I was in an 'abusive relationship' with a voice inside my head. I would always listen to it because it loved me, treated me well, but at the same time it treated my awfully. Even the therapists came up with this theory.

People just have to be as strong as they can and make sure they get the support off of their friends and family.

x
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
ForeverAutumn* Offline
together, we are infinite.
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
ForeverAutumn*'s Avatar
 
Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 843
Blog Entries: 20
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 26th 2009, 07:17 PM

Why stay in a relationship with someone if they abuse you, and you're capable of leaving the person?
Physically capable or mentally capable? While you might be able to physically walk away, when you love a person but they're hurting you..well, the bottom line is, you still love them. When you love someone, you're willing to overlook the bad in them because you don't want to believe there is a bad. Yes, you can leave, but at what cost? What about the pain you'll feel, the emotional pain, of leaving someone you care about?

Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again? Do they really deserve your trust, after they abuse you in any way whatsoever?
Simply put, love. Love makes you do crazy things sometimes. It's too easy to believe, when you love someone, that they mean what they say. 'It won't happen again, I promise, I love you' is something you won't hesitate to believe, when you don't want to believe it's going to keep happening.

The most common thing I hear people say (usually on TV shows, but still) is that they wouldn't leave the person because "they loved them." But how can you still love someone who treats you abusively?
Sometimes you don't see what's happening to be abuse. You can convince yourself that because they love you, they're right about what they say or how they treat you, like you deserve it and you're in the wrong. Hear it enough times, you can start to believe it, you know? Especially when you love them. Love makes everything that much more complex.

& Why should you feel like you should be treated that way? Why do people feel they deserve the abuse?
Ehh see my response to the above question


When you're in an abusive relationship, walking away can be one of the hardest things to do. You may feel trapped - they might have threatened you, and told you they'd hurt you if you left. You might feel trapped because they've threatened to hurt themselves if you leave or tell someone. You might be afraid of other's reactions, so you keep quiet and stay in the relationship. Ending a relationship isn't easy, especially an abusive one. And when you've been hurt by someone you love, finding your voice and being able to speak up can seem impossible once they've taken control.



how could anyone ever tell you, you are anything less than beautiful?| PM Me
self-harm free since 06.10.11.
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
Heaven help the children....
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Mechanical Princess's Avatar
 
Name: Ariella
Gender: Female
Location: On the sea again.

Posts: 47
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: April 12th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 27th 2009, 03:00 AM

sometimes, you just aren't capable of leaving.
whether they hurt you or not, you love them.
And if leaving would hurt them, you dont want to do it.
Sometimes it's worth the pain and anguish, if you can make that person happy.
A lot of the time... Abuse is... well, there aren't any lines and rules..
What i mean is, when someone you love does something you might have previously considered abusive, in your mind, you make an exception for that person.

"it's okay, that person can do that. he/she loves me and it's different in this situation"
and, you dont always want to fight about things, so you just start agreeing.
"yes, you're right, im sorry"... all the time..

and after a while you just completely start to believe that they are right, what they are doing is right, is okay. and you're so irrevocably tied to them, like you need them still, to make you better, to keep you in line, you can't leave...
it'd hurt the both of you.

love makes us crazy. destroys us even. and yet it is the one thing everyone seeks. go figure.
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
soul Offline
Any fool can criticize
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
soul's Avatar
 
Name: Mimi
Gender: Female

Posts: 922
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 27th 2009, 04:34 AM

I am a very confused person. I do not know what love looks like. I know what abuse feels like. Abuse is familiar to me. Familiarity brings me comfort. Being abused brought me comfort? ‘Love’ makes people very vulnerable. ‘Love’ makes you see things in a different light. You see abuse in a different light. It becomes okay in your eyes. In my life, I question most things. With all those unanswered questions running through my mind I forgot to ask a vital question: Was what was happening right? I did not know the answer to that question. Without an answer, I did not know that it was abuse. I felt like I deserved what happened so I let it continue. I did not think it was anything I needed to escape from. I was silenced by fear, deaf to reason, blinded by self hate, and disabled by ‘love’. The abuse was crippling. I let the abuse cripple me. Being hurt weakened me to the point that I forgot what strength felt like. If love is undefinable it could mean anything. I thought what was happening to me could be love. I do not know what love looks like. I am a very confused person.

Why would you honestly believe them, when they tell you it will never happen again? You want to believe that people are better than that. They aren’t.



Why should you feel like you should be treated that way?
I hate myself. I hate myself more than I could hate my abuser.



As long as we can dream, there will be unicorns.
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
Photographylove217's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere I don't want to be...

Posts: 93
Join Date: February 22nd 2009

Re: How can you stay in an abusive relationship? - May 29th 2009, 09:19 PM

SOme people stay in abusive relationships because they are afraid of what will happen if they a: tried to leave, b: tried to tell someone, or c: refused their partner.





I'm a saint, and I'm a sinner.
I'm a loser, I'm a winner.
I am steady, and unstable.
I am young, but I am able.
Who I am - Jessica Andrews

"From dusk to dawn, everything will go on." - Me

"Be strong and hold your head high, because there are millions just waiting to see it fall." - Me
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
abusive, relationship, stay

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.