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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Childhood abuse - December 17th 2017, 06:15 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So when I was little I was sexually abused by my "father", I may have been physically abused too but I am not sure. I do now that I was also neglected as well, as well as emotionally abused. I have a whole bunch of trust issues abandonment issues. But that is not why I am writing this. But I do not remember anything other than one or two things from when I was over at my parents on the weekends. So I cannot tell you exactly what happened, or what age, or anything like that.

I was talking to my therapist the other day and was asking if there was anyway to remember my abuse. She asked I wanted to remember and I said it's because I feel like it will help me move past the stuff better if I remembered. Anyways so I was talking to her and she asked me how I know it happened and I told her about what I told the person that I told and how the investagters said there is no doubt it happened, but I was to young to testify so they couldn't bring charges.

Well my therapist asked if I ever asked if I could read all of the reports and documents my grandparents have and I said I asked once but they wouldn't let me. She said that it would be a good idea to ask again and then bring them into our next session so we can read through them together and process through things if I remember anything.

I just don't know how to bring this up to my grandma, and I also don't know if she kept all of this stuff or not. Another thing is I know there is no doubt I want to do this but I am so afraid that I actually might remember something and will be thrown back decades into my recovery. I don't know what to do. Any advice will be welcome.



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Re: Childhood abuse - December 17th 2017, 12:57 PM

Maybe you can talk to your grandmother when she's in a good mood. You can tell her you need a little help looking for something you need for a therapy session and then ask her if she still has any of those documents or if she can write down what she remembers from them.

As for remembering, it is hard but it's a good thing because remembering allows you to process what you went through and eventually correctly store it in your mind. Also know that your mind will remember when it is ready for you to remember and it helps to have a lot of support while you're remembering things.

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Re: Childhood abuse - December 19th 2017, 07:52 PM

Hello,

I am sorry that you are having a hard time with this. I agree with what is said up above, try talking with her when she is in a good mood and no one is around. This way you will be able to tell her everything that you need to and ask for help without anyone jumping in. Also if it's hard for you to talk with her about this you can also write a letter to her and give it to her when no one is around. Then try and talk about this after.
I wish you the best and hope you will be ok soon. Lots of Hugs.
   
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Re: Childhood abuse - December 19th 2017, 10:34 PM

I have no problem asking her, I guess I wasnt clear on that. She will do anything to help me. I'm just afraid that she has thrownall the documents away.



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Re: Childhood abuse - December 19th 2017, 11:13 PM

Depending on the type of documents you might still be able to gain access to them even if your grandma threw out her documents. You should still be able to have access to any police documentation. You would probably have to call the police in the city that it happened (if it wasn't in your city). They will ask for a report number but if you don't have it they should be able to help you figure out how to get that number or get access to the report.

It's definitely possible that not all the documentation that your grandma had will be able to be found but anything that has been, officially, documented should be able to be accessed.


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Re: Childhood abuse - December 19th 2017, 11:50 PM

It is really scary to think about uncovering something from your past like that. It's crazy how our own mind can hide things from us. That being said, I don't think the fear of finding out something seriously terrible happened should hold you back from going through with trying to remember things. I think you're seeking closure with this, and that's something that is really hard to achieve if you can't process through everything that happened, especially if you don't even know everything that happened.
It is true that it might set you back in your healing and recovery process. It might bring up new issues and make you wish you didn't bring it up. But in comparison to living with that "what if" lingering in the back of your mind, that will be much harder to gain closure with. Honestly, with things like this, if you are truly determined to get those documents and get the truth, it's at a point where you have to set your fears aside and just do it. If she did throw the documents away, you can try to find another way to get those reports. If you do recover some traumatic memories, you have a therapist who is willing to work through them with you.
I think it is really courageous of you to want to face these demons of the past. No matter what comes up, what you decide, or what happens, you will heal and you will get through this.


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Re: Childhood abuse - December 20th 2017, 01:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jess~ View Post
It is really scary to think about uncovering something from your past like that. It's crazy how our own mind can hide things from us. That being said, I don't think the fear of finding out something seriously terrible happened should hold you back from going through with trying to remember things. I think you're seeking closure with this, and that's something that is really hard to achieve if you can't process through everything that happened, especially if you don't even know everything that happened.
It is true that it might set you back in your healing and recovery process. It might bring up new issues and make you wish you didn't bring it up. But in comparison to living with that "what if" lingering in the back of your mind, that will be much harder to gain closure with. Honestly, with things like this, if you are truly determined to get those documents and get the truth, it's at a point where you have to set your fears aside and just do it. If she did throw the documents away, you can try to find another way to get those reports. If you do recover some traumatic memories, you have a therapist who is willing to work through them with you.
I think it is really courageous of you to want to face these demons of the past. No matter what comes up, what you decide, or what happens, you will heal and you will get through this.
Thank you so much, this helps a lot.



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Re: Childhood abuse - December 23rd 2017, 08:58 AM

So I asked my grandma if she still had the reports from the police, doctors and courts and if she did if I could see them and take them to therapy with me. It actually turns out that they never gave her any of the reports and documents. The one document I thought she had because she told me some of the things it said when I got older turns out she never had it, they told her it was for the judge only put my social worker or whatever she was, took my grandma into a room in the court house I guess and let her read it. I asked her if there was a way we could get a hold of that specific document and she said she has no clue how to go about it. She also said she doesn't know if we can get a hold of any of those documents and reports. She as of right now it looks like I can only hope to remember on my own. I think after the holidays I am going to ask her to see if we could find out if there is a way to get any of this paper work. I am just surprised they never gave her one single document. Not even the CPS report my sisters behaviorist filed.



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Re: Childhood abuse - December 23rd 2017, 11:15 AM

Hi, great job for talking with you're grandma about this. I am so sorry that she doesn't have any of the paperwork from this. I hope you are about to get what you are looking for. I hope that it all turns out alright for you and you will be ok soon. Hugs.
   
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Re: Childhood abuse - December 27th 2017, 06:22 AM

Grandma said I might have to petition the court for one of the documents because it was for the judges eyes only, even though my grandma was a loud to read it she couldn't keep it. But I really want to get my hands on it, but I have no clue how to petition the court but I will figure all this out next week and start the process.



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Re: Childhood abuse - December 29th 2017, 03:26 PM

It is unfortunate to hear that your grandma doesn’t have the reports especially because they have the potential to help you throughout your healing process. You may be able to gain access to them now that you’re an adult, however, as sometimes reports are handled differently when a minor is involved to protect them.

It sounds like you have a solid plan in petitioning the court and figuring out that process. Best of luck to you.


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