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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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I'm not really sure how to help my friend - January 30th 2018, 05:20 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hellooo!

So, I'm making this post not for myself, but for a friend of mine who's name I won't say, because, y'know, privacy! c: I guess I'm looking for advice, buuut this is also just sort of something to clear my conscience for lack of better words.

This friend has recently disclosed to another friend and I that her mom has been hitting her and her brother. She said that she makes her feel worthless and "treats her like a dog." It's gotten to the point where she's suicidal. I'm no longer able to see her IRL due to some recent events, but we still email each other. I'm not sure how to help her, if I can at all. I've spoken to my dad about it but he said there's not much we can do if we don't have an address.

For the most part, I've just been offering emotional support and hoping for the best for her, but is there anything else I'm able to do?
   
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Re: I'm not really sure how to help my friend - January 30th 2018, 07:51 PM

Hey,

Something to think about is that a lot of survivors benefit when they can reach out about the abuse themselves when they are ready. With that said, if you ever feel like she is in danger either due to her mom or yourself, perhaps you can consider reporting things if you can.

Offering emotional support like you're doing is great and you're an awesome friend for doing that. Something else you can do is encourage her to talk to someone about the way her mom is treating her when she feels ready. You can also encourage her to write or blog about her feelings and you could give her a hotline to call. If you feel comfortable, you could even show her TeenHelp.

It seems like you're doing all you can to help your friend and sometimes it can be hard if it feels like you're not doing enough but just remind yourself that you're doing everything in your power to support her and at the end of the day, you can only do so much.


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Re: I'm not really sure how to help my friend - January 31st 2018, 02:42 AM

Thank you so much! I've been really really worried about her, I'll try to recommend some of the things you mentioned.
   
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Re: I'm not really sure how to help my friend - January 31st 2018, 09:00 PM

Hey there,

Your dad is correct that without an address it can be a bit more difficult to report. If you could get an address from your friend that might help you in case you ever feel like she is in danger and needs assistance. Maybe you could explain that to her or something and see if she is open to sharing her address in case there is an emergency.

I think that offering emotional support is really important. A lot of people who are dealing with abuse don't tend to have a ton of emotional support. It is likely that your friend is benefiting from the emotional support.

You might be able to ask your friend if she wants to try and remove herself from the situation. If she is ready to leave maybe you and her could try and look into options that she might have. I know that there are options for people but it can be hard to find them. If you all are in the USA it might be worth contacting Child Protective services to see if there are options. If she is no longer a child they might be able to direct her to the proper resources.

Lastly, it might be helpful for her to check out Hotline page and resource page.

Best regards.


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